“I thought it was important to put that kind of in-your-face attitude across. One way of doing that was some explicit sex scenes. I knew those scenes, like the blow job scene, would be the thing that the critics would use.” —James Franco explains why his film The Broken Tower included scenes of him performing oral sex on another guy and then bottoming for him. Thank God you can see both scenes on BillyMasters.com.

And so ends a New Year’s Eve tradition. No more betting on how many minutes he would get through on the live telecast (last year was a record low—five minutes). Yes, Dick Clark is dead. I first learned the news not from the internet or the television or even the radio. Far in the distance, I heard a voice that sounded remarkably like Ryan Seacrest squealing, “Mine! It’s all mine!” Perhaps I was mistaken. Maybe it was Richard Simmons—I get them confused so often. If one believes what his people say, Dick was (relatively) functional till the end. He died of a heart attack while in a Santa Monica hospital having an outpatient procedure for a prostate condition, which is certainly not how I thought he’d go. I was sure his lifeless body would be found under Mrs. Clark, with Dick smothered by her bun. But maybe he’s not dead at all. Maybe he’s cryogenically preserved and will be thawed out for future New Year’s Eve appearances. Or perhaps a guest shot as narrator at Disney’s “Hall of Presidents.”

I hope you all watched the debut of Kathy, Kathy Griffin’s weekly talk show on Bravo. But there was a very interesting portion of the show that the network edited from the version that aired. It was during the monologue. Kath talked about recently being banned from The Today Show, which airs on NBC, the network that owns Bravo. No worries—Billy found the excised footage and will share it with you on BillyMasters.com.

I have serious problems when so-called celebrities come out of the closet with some fanfare and yet not even I have heard of them. This isn’t to say I respect them any less, but when Billy Masters has never heard of you, how famous are you? The latest in the revolving closet door is Paul Iacono, who says he’s glad to “finally come out”—at the ripe old age of 23! I did some research on Iacono and learned he was discovered based on his impersonations of Frank Sinatra and Ethel Merman. And he’s gay? Shocking! His coming out interview was given to Michael Musto of The Village Voice—at least the kid’s consistent. He feels like a “weight has been lifted” and he’s doing this to help younger people who are struggling with their sexuality. I’m sure this news might also help the profile of the actor who headlined the brief and forgettable The Hard Times of RJ Berger for MTV (he’s playing gay in an upcoming MTV show). If this third-tier acting thing doesn’t work out for him, I’m sure he could get some work in gay porn. I can just see it now—Chi Chi La Rue presents The Hard Times of BJ Berger!

How much would you pay to have dinner with George Clooney? What if I threw in Barack Obama? Is three dollars too much? Clooney is throwing a fundraising dinner for President Obama at his Los Angeles home on May 10, and guests are paying a minimum of $35,800 to go. But Georgie wants to open this up to real people, so you can buy a chance to attend. Actually, ‘buy’ is the wrong word. The suggested minimum donation for a raffle ticket is $3, but the rules state “no purchase, payment or financial contribution of any kind is necessary to enter or win this promotion” (but I bet it helps your chances if you actually give them the three bucks). The winner will not only get two tickets to the dinner but also two round-trip airline tickets (coach) to Los Angeles and a hotel for one night. You’ll also probably get the chance to go through all of Clooney’s stuff—or is it just me who does that at dinner parties? Anyhoo, I’ll post the link on BillyMasters.com. But act fast—the raffle closes on April 30.

One of Broadway’s biggest stars will be spending a prime holiday weekend in a prime gay vacation destination. Where do you think Patti LuPone will be on the Fourth of July? In Provincetown, that’s where. She’ll be performing on July 4 and 5 at the Art House, managed for the second season by the sexy Mark Cortale. This will be part of Playbill.com columnist Seth Rudetsky’s Broadway at the Art House series. He’s got some other terrific people turning up throughout the summer, like Betty Buckley, Charles Busch, Ana Gasteyer, Alice Ripley, Marilyn Maye and many more. These special shows tend to sell out fast, so head on over to PTownArtHouse.com for the complete schedule and tickets.

While in P-Town, you might want to do something other than see a show. You might also want to cavort with other hot men. If so, check out the Crown & Anchor. P-Town’s largest entertainment complex has something for everyone throughout the festive week. The Paramount room features top DJs like Pagano, Joe Gauthreaux, Manny Lehman and Abel. The Wave bar has a completely different feel, courtesy of VJ Tommy Yaz. And for that sticky transition between Circuit Week and Bear Week, DJ Gustavo Scorpio from Brazil will be bridging the gap at Beardependence Party. Details about these events and special performers throughout the summer can be found at OnlyAtTheCrown.com.

There will be no summer rerun of the ‘Nicollette Sheridan vs. ABC’ trial. After the last go-round resulted in a hung jury (with more people in favor of the beleaguered actress), the network requested that the entire suit be dropped. The L.A. Superior Court judge ruled against the network—although the retrial date was changed from June 4 to Sept. 10, just in time for the fall season! The judge also made a pointed suggestion to ABC’s lawyers: “I very, very strongly urge you to continue settlement discussions.”

Our “Ask Billy” question comes from Thomas in Quebec: “My best friend told me he saw a photo of Zac Efron’s penis online. I think he said it was from Australia. Do you have it??”

And this is how rumors get started. Here’s the real story. Zac Efron was in Australia doing promotion for his flick The Lucky One. While there, the paparazzi snapped some pics of him walking around his hotel balcony shirtless (one of the more intriguing shots was him reaching into the front of his shorts—perhaps looking for some change). Someone decided that wasn’t good enough, so they doctored the photo to make it look like Zac was naked. Since we’ve got the original, we know that’s not real. What is real, however, is that moments later, someone’s bare buttocks are seen walking by the balcony—buttocks that look suspiciously like Zac’s. Of course, there could be another explanation. He could have some hot friend over who looks a lot like him and enjoys walking around naked. You can decide for yourself when you see the pics at BillyMasters.com.

When Nicollette is still newsworthy, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I very, very strongly urge you to visit BillyMasters.com, the site with something for every prospective juror (hung or otherwise). If you’ve got a question that needs my attention, drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we see more than Zac’s Aussie Bum! Until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s Bible.