After writing this column for many, many years now, it gets harder and harder to come up with ideas. So I decided I would essentially interview myself, but using one of those all-about-me online questionnaires that you find floating all over the internet. I figure, it’s summer and people are probably reading this while lying out in the sun, so keep it light, right?

Were you named after anyone?
My real name is Kent, which just so happens to be the brand of cigarettes that killed my father, so I try not to think about that. My stage name is a combo of his name, Jack, and Jackie Kennedy.

When was the last time you cried, and why?
Last Saturday night when I woke up with a debilitating migraine headache. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror crying and shaking and mumbling, “Please don’t let me die!” Seriously, I wanted to saw my head off just to make it stop. So much for “keeping it light,” huh?

Do you like your handwriting?
Yes, and people comment on it all the time. I’m an artist, so I essentially ‘draw’ the letters as opposed to just writing them, if that makes sense.

Do you have kids?
Not human ones, no. But I do have my precious fur babies, Baby and Lil Sister. Sister is a rescue, and you would think I gave birth to her.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Oh my God, no!

What is your favorite cereal?
Sweet Jesus, this is getting personal. Life cereal is good, but Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch is better.

Do you think you are strong?
Yes, and when it comes to strength, what you think is all that matters.

What is your favorite ice cream?
German Chocolate Cake from Baskin Robbins.

What is the first thing you notice about people?
How quickly they smile or laugh.

Who do you miss the most?
Bea Arthur and my mom.

What are you listening to right now?
The funny little noises my dogs make.

What are your favorite smells?
Gardenia, magnolia, burnt cheese, Black Walnut cologne by Banana Republic and my dogs’ corn chip paws.

What are your favorite sports to watch?
Anything that involves men in very little clothing—swimming, diving, Roman Greco wrestling, gymnastics, etc.

What is your favorite food?
Right now, Chicken Larb from It’s Thai.

Scary movies or happy endings?
I must say I really adore filmmakers who have the balls to give us a horrible, fatalistic ending. Or at least one that’s open to interpretation like Inception.

What was the last movie you watched?
A Star is Born with Judy Garland. It was on TV this past weekend and I got sucked in. I was reminded how ‘modern’ it is. The scenes where it’s just still photographs with dialogue still work.

What color shirt are you wearing?
I am wearing a long turquoise shirt with gold embroidery on it that I found at a thrift store. It’s for a woman, but I don’t care.

What is your favorite sound?
That collective groan from an audience when you really shock or disgust them. Do you know how hard it is to elicit that in 2012 from the seen-it-all, done-it-all ‘community’ that invented double-fisting?

What is the furthest you’ve been from home?
Sydney, Australia.

Do you have a special talent?
Making people laugh.