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Out and About with Dana Miller

Spray Away
Gossip Gay
1/3/2012

Dearest Gossip-lovers!

We’re sure you’ve already heard it 69 million times, but we’ll say it again—Happy 2012! Now while most of you have resolved to trash-talk less in the new year, we couldn’t be more excited to share some delicious WeHo dish with y’all. So read it, love it and spread it!

Homo-Cum-Hetero?

New Year's Eve! We’re sure tragedy came a dime a dozen on the boulevard—and we cannot even begin to imagine the antics that went down on the circuit party scene. But Gossip Gay decided to take the homo high road this year and class it up. We spent the evening ringing in 2012 with a gentleman caller at Rockwell for their Moulin Rouge extravaganza.

Oh, how wine was guzzled, absinthe was chugged and even a couple of oh-so-manly cigars were smoked. However, what got us most lightheaded was a chance meeting with one of our favorite rockstar-turned-reality TV competitors. You may know this blind-itemed queer songbird as a finalist on a super hot musical competition show (and no, it’s not American Idol!); but we know him simply as “that guy who gave our best friend a really bad hummer.”

Well, what was shocking about this meeting was not (only!) his jean button-down dress shirt (circa Kohl’s Jordache 1997), but the fact that he was there on a date—with a woman! Yes, this queer crooner has decided to spread his wings in 2012 and spread something on the softer side. [Shudder!] When we inquired as to the reason behind this homo-cum-hetero change of heart, he replied: “I know it’s kind of cliché, but it’s a religious thing for me. I don’t know—I just felt this calling to give it a try. I was given a sign—I mean, I don’t judge you for staying gay or anything, but it’s just something I think is right for me right now.” [Shudder!]

Listen, buddy! How about we strike a deal? You don’t judge us for our “born this way” man-on-man proclivities and we won’t judge you for the heinous atrocity otherwise known as your newly heterosexual jean-on-jean wardrobe ensemble! [Once again—Shudder!]

Spray Away

Now Gossip Gay will be the first to admit that we love watching a man spray—spray paint, that is! Whether it’s some ghetto-fied graffiti or a pock-mark patching makeup job, we simply adore a man that can make pretty out of the everyday mundane. What we don’t love, however, is when a talentless hack puts paint to paper and calls it art—and thinks he can do it just because he has 13,072 Twitter followers.

Yes, Gossip Gay has the DL 411 that a Logo reality “star” (term used loosely) is opening his own art business in 2012. So his PR manager (sloshed off margaritas at Marix) tells us: “Basically, it’s like this. A buyer will friend [supposed “star”] on Facebook. [Supposed “star”] will click through this buyer’s photos and get a feel for the guy. Then [supposed “star”] will spray paint or finger paint or what-the-fuck ever on a canvas to make an original piece of artwork. … It’s kind of like, ‘Let [supposed “star”] look into your soul and he’ll create a piece of art about you!’ Honestly, it’s a joke, but I guarantee you he’ll make $100K in, like, three months. This town is f*cked up!”

Supposed reality TV “stars,” Facebook and finger painting. Is it only a matter of time before all of Hollyweird has boarded the artistic short bus?!

Queersaid

Queer quote of the week, as overheard at the gay Starbucks on Santa Monica Boulevard between two boyfriends.

Boyfriend A: “Get me a skinny latte.”

Boyfriend B: “Get your own skinny latte.”

Boyfriend A: “Get your own herpes medication then.”

Boyfriend B: (long pause) “Do you want a scone too?”

Oh, young love!

Reader Rant

Gossip Gay is no stranger to fan mail; in fact, on average, we receive three pieces a month. (J. Lo, eat your heart out!) And while we e-read each and every slice of correspondence with our undivided attention, we rarely respond—and can you blame us?! This gurlfriend has got shit to do!

That said, we always indulge a fan with their request and this little reader rant comes to us in care of “Grant S.” in “West Hollywood proper.” You’re welcome, Grant. Published, per your request (unedited):

“Hi, Gossip Gay. I love your tidbits. So funny. I sincerely hope most of them our true! I’m just asking you publish my little bitchy rant and rave. I am taking it upon myself to warn the young boys in West Hollywood. I’ve been dating this guy named Matt for like 3 or so months in west Hollywood and he asked me to go home with him for Christmas. I figure what the hell, right? Because my parents are total assholes and it’ll be fun. So the night we’re supposed to leave, he pulls me aside at this Christmas party and let’s me know that he never bought me a plane ticket. He says he’s not ready to let me meet his parents because: HE IS MARRIED TO A WOMAN! He never thought we’d stay together (or whatever he calls it) through the holidays, but here we are. Well, im sure this happens all the time to boys in west Hollywood but here’s the kicker. This isn’t just a regular California “Matt”. This guy is like super famous. In the closet but super famous. Like your Grandmother would know him. (NO JK!) Well, Matt likes young guys like skinny, 21 and blonde, slightly stupid but smart enough to go to the gym each day. WARNING, BOYS! You’ll know exactly who I’m talking about especially if you go to Equinox. All I’m saying is stay away. You’ll know exactly who I’m talking about when he makes a move…”

Aw, Grant! We’ve all unknowingly been the other woman—figuratively and even literally. It gets better, baby. It gets better—especially when you stop looking for love in all the wrong Equinox shower stalls!

XOXO,
Gossip Gay, Queersay@hotmail.com


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