Grounded Guidance: Killing Me Softly
Shaman Durek

Do you make excuses for people because you feel sorry for them or because you want to be a good person and help them? At some point, when you put a lot of energy and effort into others’ lives without feeling the same in return, it’s easy to develop an underlying feeling that you are getting screwed. Royally.

The people you put your energy and effort into, whether you’re helping them to be better or get back on their feet, are spiraling into a bottomless pit of nothing. They take your kindness for weakness no matter how much you try to communicate your feelings and desire for them to change; it’s as if it goes in one ear and out the other. They continue to do the same things over and over again. Sometimes these people even say nasty things or act unpleasant towards you, making you think to yourself, “Why would this person treat me this way after everything I’ve done for them?”

Did you know that these people take up a tremendous amount of your energy? Energy that can be used in more constructive and beneficial ways to support you, the ones you love and those who are truly open to receiving your generosity. Sometimes the level of frustration and harbored resentment builds over time and you reach a place where you feel so sad and unappreciated that you no longer want to open yourself up to anyone.

It starts to make you look at other people and think that they are all just the same, just because of those one, two or three friends that are like weeds in your garden. You know what weeds do to your garden—they kill all the beautiful flowers and luscious plants, and they are so noticeable. They want to be acknowledged, so they spread out like a virus, infiltrating all of the other areas of your garden until the weeds are all that others can see.

These people you associate with are killing you softly—why are you letting them? Is it so you can say to yourself that you didn’t give up on someone, no matter how bad it got? Is it because you have seen a lot of suffering and abuse in the world, or maybe your childhood wasn’t so great, so you want to do your part to save those who cannot save themselves? Look at what you’re willing to go through and put up with just so that you can sit back and tell yourself you are such a good person.

When you start to feel angry about the situation you are in, try to figure out who you are really angry with. Are you angry at the person who just takes and takes and takes, or are you angry with yourself for falling for their sob stories and promises to change or be better? If you look hard, you will see that you’re angry at the fact that you keep allowing yourself to be used and abused. Notice how I say “allowing yourself.” This means you have a choice—to remove and distance yourself from toxic people, the ones who don’t make you feel good about who you are.

Toxic people choose to drain your energy because they know you care about them. They have nothing nice to say, they are self-centered and think that the world revolves around them and their need for survival. These toxic people are there to get you to look at how much you love yourself. How much do you care for your well-being, happiness, good fortune, wisdom, kind nature and spirit that you would be willing to squander it all away and put up with toxic energy just to prove how deeply loving and spiritual you are?

I say, enough is enough. It’s time to get out a broom and all your cleaning supplies, metaphorically speaking, and clean your life of toxic people. Make a declaration to yourself and to the universe that you deserve more loving, fulfilling, nurturing, supporting and honorable relationships. Follow me on Twitter and check me out at for more insightful tips.

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