If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment during lovemaking, you probably don’t need to be told how important vocalizing is in the bedroom. Although men who often seem to clam up while getting down claim they’re enjoying themselves as much as any of us, it just isn’t the same.

When you’re really getting turned on, it’s likely your heavy breathing gets thicker, and this naturally leads to more audible sounds. If your lover’s libido is tuned in to such stimulation, he won’t be able to hide his appreciation for it.

A great deal of what we’re talking about here is simple psychology. We are tuned in to audio feedback, whether it is positive or negative. For instance, if you compliment a specially prepared dish with a simple nod of the head, one might wonder if you really like it at all. Respond instead with an overzealous string of ‘mmmmm’s and you adequately express the pleasure of your palate. The same idea translates to the bedroom, but the types of audible expressions are more varied.

The most obvious—and probably the most important—sounds are simply moans and groans that come naturally when most of us are turned on sexually. There is something about natural, primal grunting sounds that perfectly accompany sex and evoke erotic responses from your mate.

Speaking out about your likes and dislikes is another form of communication that can enhance your sexual experiences. The bedroom is the one place where you shouldn’t be afraid to state the obvious. When you communicate to your lover just how much you like being caressed or nibbled in a specific place, it’s likely he’ll respond by returning there again and again. Because we all react differently to various stimulations, there is nothing wrong with being told where and how to be touched.

Communication is also important for role playing, another favorite of the fornicator. Whether you’re into playing doctor or getting your pole cleaned by the pool boy, you have to verbally direct the whole scene to bring it into perspective.

Another form of erotic audible is dirty talk. For some lovers, narrating the sex act with a tongue that would shame Mother’s ears is as critical as tapping into all the right erogenous zones. In fact, this is so important that the ears could be considered an erogenous zone themselves.

Beware, though, that the tongue is a two-edged sword. Just as you can talk your lover into an explosive orgasm, so too can you deflate the effort with the wrong choice of words. When you’re in a new relationship, try to get a feel for his turn-offs before delving into any serious bedroom banter.