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1/26/2012
The gay experience has been defined for decades by the experience of ‘coming out of the closet.’ The closet was defined as not being out to yourself—dealing with the denial that you are attracted to people of the same sex. The closet was also defined by coming out to your family, friends, co-workers and publicly. Likewise, opening the closet door meant active participation in the gay community. Staying in the closet meant a lack of ...
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12/28/2011
The media is full of stories about famous people, not only having affairs, but living double lives. A double life is different from a brief affair because it is a twin existence. Arnold had a love child with the Latina housekeeper who worked for the family for many years, and nobody seemed to notice that he looked like Arnold. Herman Cain, it seems, not only grabbed, groped and harassed, but also had a long-term relationship ...
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12/1/2011
It is common in the hookup world of today to see people say that they are ‘disease-free’ and/or seeking the same. These are one of the terms that make you wonder about what a strange world we live in. Is it a world divided into the diseased and the disease-free? What diseases are we talking about? HIV? Herpes? Syphilis? The common cold?
Even more perplexing is whether the person asking the question expects the other ...
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11/9/2011
Monogamy is not a relative term. A monogamous relationship is two people only mating with each other. Judging by daily tabloid scandals, there is a lot of pretend monogamy in the world. Without making any judgment, false monogamy can be a very dangerous pursuit. The emotional consequences of being ‘cheated on’ can play havoc with people’s emotions. The physical dangers can leave a person infected for life.
Most American women with HIV that I have ...
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10/4/2011
The gay subculture in its ultimate glory exists in the fast lane. The boring gay married couples home alone on Saturday night watching a video or playing cards is not what we think of when we flip through the magazines or imagine a circuit party.
Gay life, at its most tantalizing, exists at a fever pitch of sex and intoxication. In a sea of beautiful men, pounding music and exotic venues, the possibilities are endless. ...
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9/7/2011
It is something of a cliché that we learn from our mistakes. But do we always have to learn the hard way? It seems like a high proportion of our best lessons grow from our worst mistakes. Mistakes come about in different ways: There are the slow motion train wrecks when we know something is a mistake but we’re locked in. There are the mistakes that feel right at first and turn terribly wrong. There ...
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8/18/2011
The famous Beatles song asked, “Will you still need me when I’m 64?” No question freaks young gay men out more than the question of what will happen to them when they get old.
Gay men prize physical beauty very highly—perhaps even more so than women. Their stock and trade is their ability to attract other men. Their self-worth is disproportionately determined by who desires them. Married heterosexuals rightly or wrongly feel that they have ...
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7/18/2011
The average heterosexual male has seven female sexual partners in his lifetime. That would be a slow night at the baths for some gay men or a fun weekend at the White Party for others. I know that we don’t like stereotyping gay men as promiscuous, but we all know, admitting it or not, that gay men have a lot more sex than the average straight man. Averages are tricky, because they don’t tell you ...
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5/24/2011
Anything that you have to do as a precaution to be safe is almost automatically filed as being a drag. Seatbelts, helmets, etc.—they’re things you are required to do that you would rather not. Unfortunately, safer sex has fallen into this category. We all know that wearing a condom is necessary to protect ourselves from HIV and other diseases—but it just isn’t sexy. Just at the moment of ecstasy and abandon, we have to think ...
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4/19/2011
Gay men find themselves on the horns of a dilemma. What makes us gay is our sexual attraction to men. What defines us as people and as a community is the totality of who we are. We have lived as outlaws in a society that discriminates against us and reveled in the freedom that being outsiders has given us. We largely live beyond the reach of society’s social conventions.
Our search for identity as individuals ...
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