Postcards From The UK

Waking Up Gay: A Stroke of Genius

Torsten Højer — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 13:00:00 GMT

The BBC aired a documentary this week about a British straight man who, after suffering a stroke, "woke up gay." Torsten Højer takes a look.

In a country that’s battling to drum into the right-wing public that some people are born gay—and therefore not a valid target for discrimination—it’s not helpful when a straight man comes out to proclaim that one morning, he woke up gay. But that’s what happened in the UK this month, as 26-year-old Welsh guy Chris Birch starred in a BBC documentary to announce that he’s left his days as an overweight rugby-playing skirt chaser behind to become a camp shirt lifter—overnight.

Well, kind of.

The story tells us that last year, in the small Welsh town of Ystrad Mynach, Chris Birch suffered from a stroke after injuring his neck while rolling down a hill. After coming to, he came out, claiming that the trauma had transformed him into a completely different person, now more keen on beauty treatments, rose wine and hairdressing (his newly chosen profession) than his previous loves of sport, beer and working in a bank.

Cliché-o-rama!

So, as London buses chug around London emblazoned with a groundbreaking advertising campaign funded by the gay rights organization Stonewall displaying the words "Some People Are Gay – Get Over It!" Chris Birch (who now spells his name Kris, for some unknown reason) is arguing that sexuality can alter at the flick of a switch.

Okay, so it’s well-documented that strokes can have a massive impact on the victim—stories of people waking up suffering from depression, exhibiting violent behavior or, more oddly, suddenly speaking with a Jamaican accent or a talent for crochet, for example, are widespread.

“Emotional changes are typical after any type of stroke,” says Dr. Janet Spradlin, a rehabilitation psychologist at St. Anthony Rehabilitation Center in Oklahoma City. “Depression is very common after any life-changing health challenge, especially if it means a loss of independence. While depression is the most common emotional change after stroke, other psychological changes can be equally debilitating or frustrating.”

It can also affect the way we think and our emotional responses.

Apparently, as you can see from the photo, it can also seriously damage taste in hairstyles.

The focus of the BBC documentary was to discover whether Kris had really suddenly become gay or whether it was laying dormant throughout his life and the stroke simply connected the bits that were previously buried. Unsurprisingly, it failed to offer any answer to this question, showing all the people in Kris’s life—from friends to neurologists, family to ex-girlfriends—bewildered about his newly acquired ‘condition.'

Jak, his boyfriend, also seemed uncertain, voicing concerns that if Kris’s sexuality had altered so quickly, it might revert back at any time. As the couple is planning to marry soon, let’s hope it doesn’t. Although ‘I’m Getting Divorced as I’ve Woken Up Straight Again’ would make a fabulous follow-up.

Of course, the Kris Birch story is now one of the biggest talking points online, in bars, and in, er, hair salons around the UK, with old toothless women as interested in the gossip as gay rights campaigners and the anti-gay press.

It’s offered an easy time to poke fun at the age-old stereotypes of Kris’s new life, and for groups less tolerant of ‘the gay agenda’ to question the validity of claims that people are born pre-programmed with sexual orientation.

To me, the overwhelming but perhaps unintended conclusion of the documentary was that Kris was dealing with his newfound Friend of Dorothy status so well, stating in the show that he’d never want to go back to the old Chris. “I'm happier now that I ever have been, why would I want to change?' he said.

Good on you Kris—welcome to a life of glitter and fabulousness!

For more, visit bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00q8wcb

Kylie: A Gay Man’s Playground

Torsten Højer — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:00:00 GMT

When Britain’s favourite pop princess storms into London for an intimate show, it’s a flirt fest for the city’s gays.

One week into another London spring ‘heatwave’ and it’s over. Rain has returned to the city, and so has a sweeping chill. Crouching under the Hammersmith freeway flyover west of central are thousands of gay men, sporting vintage Vivienne Westwood jeans and proudly sticking two fingers up at the back-to-normal weather by cladding themselves in tight T-shirts emblazoned with taglines stating ‘Your Disco Needs You’ and ‘Get Outta My Way.'

It can mean only one thing: Kylie’s back in town, and she’s celebrating 25 years in the biz.

Yes, she may be Australian by birth and just wowed her 'down under gays' with two live shows, but she’s now firmly back on British soil and relishing in her spiritual home star status. In contrast to last year’s Aphrodite: Les Follies world tour, which reportedly grossed more than $50 million, tonight’s show is billed as an intimate ‘Anti-Tour,' taking in smaller venues and aimed at über-fans. None of Ms. Minogue’s chart or radio hits are to be performed; instead, a selection of B-sides and rarities will boom out over London.

The crowd is mainly 30 or 40-something gay men—Kylie’s ground-level fanbase—who should be old enough to know better but instead revel in the twinkly treble and pop perversion of '80s and '90s classics. With a capacity of just over 5,000, London’s Hammersmith Apollo is a garden shed compared with the venue of Kylie’s 2011 London shows at The O2, which squeezes in 23,000.

“I used to dream of doing a tour that was full of hits,” she says, halfway through the set. “I never dreamed I'd do a tour that was not full of hits.”

The songs are obscure to say the least. There’s a bonus track, "Magnetic Heart," which was only available on the Asian version of her album X; and "Made in Heaven," the B-side to Kylie’s 1988 hit "Je Ne Sais Pas Pourquoi"—separating the Kylie Men from the Non-Kylie Boys with a select few mouthing the lyrics and revealing their stalker-like fandom. Madonna had a similar idea around 10 years ago, playing at London’s Brixton Academy in 2000 as part of her Don’t Tell Me Promo Tour to a crowd of just 2,800 (although the show was streamed via MSN to a worldwide audience of more than nine million).

So, do we enjoy our pop queens stripped back to streetwear, drummer, guitarist, keyboardist, backup singers and minimal stage and lighting design, as opposed to the big budget glamour and frivolity of their usual tours? The resounding answer seems to be yes.

Rather than being seen as creating a poor man’s version of Kylie’s stadium tour, the predominantly gay men in the audience appear to be sucked in by the vulnerability of such a performance—"It’s just her, in denim shorts and a T-shirt! We’re seeing the real thing! It’s like watching her practicing in front of her mirror in her bedroom, learning the lyrics!" were all overheard.

Studies into why gay men idolize certain female figures have concluded that the making of a gay icon is based on a mix of her glamour and vulnerability. So perhaps a reason why so many gay men lay with fingers poised on that ‘BUY TICKETS’ button when they went on sale was the chance to see the glitz and glamor icon in a state of realness. And, of course, Kylie’s songs were top of many a DJ’s playlist in gay bars in the 1990s, so judging on the average age of the audience, a certain nostalgia for a lost era contributed to the gig’s appeal. Either way, the concert proved another lucrative pick-up joint for many—stories of ungodly acts occurring in the restroom cubicles circulated soon after the opening number filtered from the speakers.

As the woman herself sings,
‘So let’s dance through all our fears 
War is over for a bit, the whole world should be moving to your heart 
You're a lonely heart 
Your disco, your disco, your disco needs you!’

kylie.com

British Bachelor Tom Daley Dives into Number One

Torsten Højer — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 07:00:00 GMT

Prince Harry is often touted as Britain’s most eligible bachelor, but there’s a new kid on the block who’s coming up strong against the ginger prince. Torsten Højer takes a look.

During his recent Diamond Jubilee Tour of Belize, the Bahamas, Jamaica and Brazil in honor of his Grandma, Queen Elizabeth II, the world saw Prince Harry going solo in an official overseas royal role for the first time. In doing so, he showed off his good looks, charitable nature and cheeky sense of humor, and reignited interest from the numerous annual polls asking the tricky question—"Who is England’s most eligible bachelor?"

Now that his big brother’s hitched, and girls’ dreams of becoming queen (and many a queen’s fantasy of becoming, er, queen) are shattered, it’s no surprise that all eyes are on still-single Harry.

Which lucky girl will he choose? What kind of girl should he pick? When should he marry? What kind of wedding will it be?

TBH, who cares? He’s still a hottie, yes, but there are many more handsome, rich, eligible guys in England that don’t come with the heavy price of 24-hour security and a dysfunctional family whose uncertain future is in the hands of the Great British Public.

Step forward, British Olympic diving hopeful Tom Daley. Eagle-eyed American hornbags may have noticed him already, but if you are yet to marvel at this well-formed creature, then you’re in for a treat.

It’s almost impossible to write about Tom Daley without sounding like a pervert. If describing A&F models, for example, one can discuss their well-toned torsos, the wonderful black-and-white Bruce Weber photography, the homoeroticism, their ample bosom; but when it comes to Tom Daley, well, it’s all about how snugly he fits into those ubiquitous speedos, and how parts of him bulge out of them.

The trouble is, he’s also still a teenager; just 17. He’s been in the public eye for many years, catching the attention of sporting fans and the media for his diving talent. And in the last two years, he really has become a man.

Daley began competing in national and international diving when he was just 9. Specializing in the 10-metre platform event, he was the 2009 FINA World Champion in the individual event by the age of 15. He represented Great Britain at the 2008 Summer Olympics where he was Britain's youngest competitor, the youngest competitor of any nationality outside the sport of swimming, and the youngest to participate in a final. In the first post-Rome 2009 World Championships edition of the FINA World Diving Rankings for the 10-metre platform, Daley reached a new career best ranking of number one. He won two gold medals for England at the 2010 Commonwealth Games, in the 10-metre synchro diving (with Max Brick) and the 10-metre Individual Platform competition.

Phew! I’m exhausted just reading that back.

But that’s not all. Daley’s life story reads like the transcript of one of the finalists’ stories on The X Factor. His father, Robert Daley, died at age 40 of a brain tumour on May 27, 2011, after a long battle with cancer. His father had been a continuous support to Tom during his career and was determined to watch his son perform in the London 2012 Olympics. He had previously stated, "London 2012 is a massive motivation for me. And I am going to be there. Tom is the oil in my lamp and he's going to keep me burning." But it wasn’t to be.

In 2009, Tom took weeks out of school because he was the victim of bullying. “I can't have a normal school life like everybody else,” he told the BBC at the time. “It's not high-level bullying, just name calling, someone chucking a bit of paper at you, tipping your pencil case out.” Due to his experiences, he became a supporter of Childline, a UK-based free counselling service for children and young people experiencing distress or concern.

He’s also a straight-A student.

Don’t you just want to squeeze him until the morning comes?

To his credit, though, he’s also got a wicked sense of humor to rival Price Harry’s—and despite his early success, doesn’t seem take himself too seriously. Just watch this video of him dancing to LMFAO’s "Sexy and I Know It" whilst on holiday with friends and colleagues and you’ll get a picture of his character.

Anyway, after years of sideways glances and raised eyebrows at magazine covers of a scantily clad Tom Daley with no one quite sure whether it was OK to fancy him yet—"Is he old enough yet?’ people would whisper. "He doesn’t look that young anymore!"—Tom Daley suddenly announced he was 17 and revealed a buffer body than ever before. The nation breathed a sigh of relief as office girls and bar boys alike could now openly say ‘I WOULD!’ without worrying that they were cutting the age thing a bit fine.

So we know who we’ll be watching out for at this summer’s Olympics. And taking all into account, Tom Daley is the eligible guy with a capital E.

For more on Tom Daley, like him on Facebook at facebook.com/TomDaleyOfficial.

The Art of Fisting the British Public

Torsten Højer — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 13:00:00 GMT

Despite enjoying a diverse career, English comedian Julian Clary is known for one thing—bringing fisting to the imagination of the British public. With a history of camp innuendo and double-entendre, he’s becoming a barometer of changing press attitudes to homosexuality. Or is he? Torsten Højer takes a look.

There’s been camp, there’s been double-entendre, there’ve been lewd jokes—in fact they’re the threesome that has supported the backbone of theatre, comedy and song for generations. But one man has been at the heart of innuendo focusing on the dirty side of gay sex in the UK for decades. Step forward and take a bow—or bend over, as he would probably put it—Julian Clary.

52-year-old Clary is billed as a man of many talents, now offering up a mix of comedian, novelist, TV presenter and actor amongst his achievements. But mention his name to anyone on a British street, and they’ll most likely think of one thing—fisting.

It’s quite an accolade, if you think about it—that one man can bring images of a man having another man’s fist penetrating his butthole to the minds of most of middle-England, regardless of whether they’re conservative Christians or swinging suburbanites. It all stems from an incident at the 1993 British Comedy Awards, where Julian Clary was invited to present the prize for Top Television Personality. On live TV and in front of an audience of millions, he opened by saying he’d just been backstage fisting the then-Chancellor of the Exchequer, Norman Lamont. The audience roared, but the critics didn’t. Britain’s notoriously right-wing and arguably homophobic newspaper, The Daily Mail, along with equally not-hot-on-the-gays The Sun, condemned Clary, and the latter even mounted a campaign to have him removed from television altogether.

It stalled his career for many years, and some say prevented him from attaining the heights he could have reached in that sector. But defiant as always, Clary continued with his trademark camp frivolities.

What’s interesting, 20 or so years on, is that despite him not changing (it’s fair to say he has calmed his comedy, but his books still bear hallmarks of innuendo—his 2005 autobiography was titled A Young Man’s Passage and his soon-to-be-published novel is called Briefs Encountered), his treatment by the tabloid press has changed remarkably.

Without a hint of homophobia, the aforementioned Daily Mail ran an interview with Clary last month, promoting his new novel. The piece focuses on the fact that Clary lives in a house that previously belonged to playwright Noel Coward (it’s thought Coward wrote many of his plays there, including Blithe Spirit). Clary’s neighbor is another camp TV personality who found fame as drag queen Lily Savage—Paul O’Grady. The article speaks about the content of Clary’s book, Briefs Encountered:

The novel flits between the past and present. Back in the past it follows the relationship between Noël Coward and his American lover and manager Jack Wilson, some of which is imagined, some based on fact. While in the present day the house is owned by a handsome 50-something actor, the fictional Richard Stent, whose clever younger partner Fran has moved to L.A. for work. Both past and present feature an interlocking series of guilty passions, betrayals and obsessions.

Let’s face it—there’s plenty of ammunition in the whole damn story for a newspaper with a proven past of attacking gay men to stick the big hard one where it hurts, but the feature skims through devoid of demonization, avoiding the lure of lewd suggestions. Whether the press has simply got bored of battering this batty-boy in print, or whether it’s a case of Clary retreating from his brashness when being interviewed by such a newspaper is unclear, but if Clary hasn’t changed his ‘act’ he is an interesting barometer of how the British press—notorious for its heavy-handedness—may be changing its attitude to gay men. Only one aspect of the interview stands out in its oddness—and that’s the fact that an editor somewhere along the line has chosen to place Julian Clary’s article with the ‘FeMail’ section of the paper, so called because it’s the bit aimed solely at women.

Is the paper worried that its macho-male readership with react badly to them not vilifying Clary in the piece? Or does it imagine only women would care to read about a big, camp, gay boy’s new novel? Or is it, perhaps, things aren’t changing that much at all?

Julian Clary’s new novel, Briefs Encountered, is out on Thursday, 29 March in the UK, published by Ebury Press.

London Institution May Strip Away Midweek Naughtiness

Torsten Højer — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 08:00:00 GMT

One of London’s most notorious amateur strip nights is in danger of being told to pull up its pants or stop pulling pints altogether. Torsten Højer bares all to reveal the torrid truth.

When it comes to true trashy entertainment value, fuck Karaoke! The real jaw-dropping, rib-tickling fun is in pissed-up punters who’ve sunk three-too-many Cocksucking Cowboys getting their kit off on stage in front of equally intoxicated crowds of gay men.

One British venue that realizes this so brilliantly is East London’s White Swan pub, which has been attracting hoards of city-dwellers with its midweek amateur strip night for 26 long, hard, throbbing years. Situated in the heart of the city’s East End, The White Swan looks like a proper olde London pub—not dissimilar to The Queen Vic in the BBC show Eastenders—and harks back to a different era when gay venues displayed blacked out windows and an unwelcoming charm.

Inside, it’s rather different than the BBC primetime family show, whirring up otherwise dreary Wednesday nights with the promise of amateur cock on show. Sometimes it's gym-toned buff boys that strut their stuff. Other times, it’s local homeless lads that dare to bare in the hope of landing the £100 ($160) prize money for the ‘winner’ of that evening’s strip (which occasionally isn’t as unattractive as it may sound).

The night is a London institution; many clean-cut ‘respectable’ businessmen in their 30s and 40s will admit to taking the striptease challenge at The White Swan ‘back in the day.' But now, in supposedly enlightened and liberal 21st century Britain, the amateur strip night—and the venue itself—is in danger of disappearing forever.

“People in Tower Hamlets [the London area where The White Swan is situated] are being given their first chance to influence whether strip clubs and similar venues should be allowed to operate,” says the website for the local authority. “The council wants to gather community opinions on a draft policy which says that there is no location within Tower Hamlets suitable for sex establishments, and that they should be restricted to ‘nil.' The consultation is open to residents, local businesses and organizations.”

Local opinion is reportedly overwhelmingly weighted against having sex establishments in the community, because of "issues of community cohesion and empowerment, concerns about level of crime and fear of crime, and the suitability of localities for such venues." The policy would allow the council to shut down venues which offered pole-dancing, lap-dancing and stripping in order to protect against exploitation of women.

Nothing, it seems, mobilizes gay men like the fear of removing fun and frolicking from their midweek schedule, and as a result, 600 regulars of The White Swan have signed a petition stating they were “surprised and shocked” the venue was being “targeted for review."

The petition’s author, Daryl Stafford, said no women were involved in the gay comedy strip contest, and revealed to the BBC that “it certainly feels like it’s extremely homophobic. It feels as though it’s because it’s a gay venue and there are a lot of people on the council who do not approve of having a gay venue in the middle of their borough.”

The White Swan’s argument is that “consenting adults looking for a laugh, a joke and comedy is not exploitation.”

Barry Kirk, a co-owner of the pub, told the BBC, “We’ve survived a lot over the years. But Wednesday is our only busy weeknight. If they kill off our Wednesday nights, we’ll be threatened with closure.”

The authorities insist at the time of writing that no decision has been taken. But with gay men spending more and more time using their smartphones to view porn, send each other naughty photos and hook up, perhaps the most worrying thing about a real-life venue that brings gay men together in a lighthearted appreciation of nudity closing is that even fewer of us will actually meet in the, ahem, flesh.

For details about The White Swan pub, visit bjswhiteswan.com.

Getting to Know the Gay Next Door

Torsten Højer — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 14:00:00 GMT

Torsten Højer talks to historian Rose Collis about the launch of a new app that uncovers the hidden homo past of one of Britain’s gayest haunts.

Sheesh, we’re everywhere, aren’t we? Everywhere you look it’s ‘gay, gay, gay’ these days. Gay marriage, gay adoption, gay equality. Where will it end? Well, according to many a queer activist, the question we should be asking is ‘where did it start?’ Or, to be more specific, ‘what went before us?’

Gay history is important. As a good friend of mine said recently, "To understand who we were—where we’ve been—helps us to understand where we might be going." Because, contrary to the concept that gay is everywhere, we’re actually still pretty much invisible.

In the 1950s, there was a string of now-infamous propaganda advertisements attempting to educate the public about how to "spot a homosexual." One that still makes people’s Facebook walls is the American black and white video entitled Boys Beware, about a boy who’d been playing baseball and innocently hitches a ride home from a seemingly nice man. But, as the narrator warns, "Be careful, as you never know when the homosexual is about! They may seem normal…."

In the 1950s, people didn’t know when we were about. And for the most part, we did seem normal. In 1950s Britain, homosexuality was illegal, so one had to be most careful when prancing the streets or—shock!—displaying public affection.

We were invisible then, but due to some twisted queer hangover, we still are, despite legal and societal advances.

One woman who thinks this needs to change is the British writer and historian Rose Collis, who’s recently dunked her encyclopedic knowledge of queer history into the hungry cauldron of cell phone app technology.

“There’s a wealth of gay history in cities across the UK that’s hidden from view,” she says. “And I think it’s time the general public knew about it.”

To make this happen, Collis is launching an app for iPhone, focusing (to begin with) on the English south coast city of Brighton, where she is based. Called ‘Brighton’s Pink Plaques,' the idea is to place virtual plaques—or ‘e-plaques’—onto buildings around the city, visible via the app, which reveal the secret history of gay goings-on within its four walls. Believed to be the first of its kind in the UK, the app features original text and photos by Rose, and takes users on three themed ‘trails’ around the city’s LGBT history: hotels, pubs & clubs and shops & cafés.

“Visitors to the city, or even people who live here, generally have no idea of the rich and fabulous history of the venues they frequent,” says Collis. “During my ongoing research for carious projects I’m involved with—for instance my recent book The New Encyclopedia of Brighton, and my walking tours of the city—I’m constantly uncovering weird and wonderful stories about LGBT history. Finally, I’ll be able to share this often forgotten knowledge.”

Specific content is strictly confidential until the app is officially released, but Collis hints that the stories range from the famous (Oscar Wilde spent a lot of time in the city before his arrest) to the magical (a young man, Paul Frecker, who entered the Miss Brighton competition and did rather well under the cover of convincing drag). There are 75 ‘e-plaques’ in total.

“Brighton’s gay history isn’t always scandal,” Collis laughs. “But the city sure has attracted a lot of that. But the outrageous behavior is balanced with educational elements of the important people who identified as LGB or T who lived there or had a strong connection with the city. I’m hoping schools will pick it up and use it as an tool for learning. So here, kids, is the app that’ll finally teach you the LGBT past of the city that you call home! And for visitors, well, they can retrace the steps of some of the world’s most intriguing and fabulous homosexuals.”

‘Brighton’s Pink Plaques,’ by Rose Collis and programmer Stephen Watson, will be available from the end of February, price £1.79, via the App store, which can be accessed from iTunes (Mac or Windows) or any iOS device (iPhone, iPod touch or iPad) running iOS 4.2 or higher. For more about Brighton and Hove, visit visitbrighton.com.

Skool’s Out

Torsten Højer — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:00:00 GMT

As LGBT History Month kicks of in the UK, Torsten Højer imagines the future of coming out to younger siblings in a more educated world.

My father told me, over a few too many Christmas beers, that my two half-brothers (neither of whom I live with) are "getting better" with the idea of me being gay. He revealed, in the same breath, that when he first filled them in on my sexual persuasion, there was a resounding burst of disgust from both of their mouths—something resembling an ‘ewww’ (presumably coupled with a screwed up face and a marked frown).

"They’re only young," father offered, apparently noticing a change in my facial expression.

My mind raced as he carried on. They’re only young? Yes, they are—they were 13 and 15 a year ago, when informed of their older brother’s ‘abnormality.' But how is this an excuse? Of course, Christmas is traditionally a time for family argument, so to break the habit of a lifetime, I left the discussion there, hoping for peace amongst men.

What I really wanted to understand is how my father could think that his kids are born bigoted gay-haters. His view is probably that everyone intrinsically hates gays, and that they are learning to tolerate homosexuality, as he is.

In fact, come to think of it, he also told me that if I had come out to him 20 years ago, instead of 10, he wouldn’t have "looked so kindly upon me."

It’s a common belief that children aren’t born with an in-built bent for homophobia, and that it is in fact learned. So how did my two half-brothers learn to detest the idea of two men having sex, or even displaying affection to one another?

As February kicks off, so does the annual UK LGBT History Month. On the official website are written these words:

"Since 1997, the position of LGBT people [in the UK] has improved as a result of human rights legislation. Transsexual men and women are now able to assert their gender on passports and birth certificates. Section 28 [which prevented the ‘promotion’ of homosexuality in schools in the UK] was repealed in 2003. Since 2010 we have had a single Equality Act that includes sexual orientation and gender reassignment among its protected characteristics. A crime with a homophobic motive is now a hate crime. LGB people can enter civil partnerships and enjoy the same pension rights as heterosexual couples. We have become visible in the media, from Saturday night TV and soap characters to dramas and documentaries about our LGBT ancestors. Out and proud gay and lesbian politicians sit in parliament in all the major parties. We have begun to deal with the legacy of silence in our schools, places of work and our public institutions."

Schools. They’re the frontline now, aren’t they? My brothers are just about to complete high school and they’re still less-than-keen on the whole gay thing. But do they understand what being gay is? Or what it means?

The organizers of UK LGBT History Month know that education is key in combating homophobia. "Schools have a crucial role in educating for equality," they say. "They have a responsibility to all pupils to prepare them for adult life in the real world."

Damn right they do. If my brothers learned as part of their routine lessons throughout school that gay people have been some of the most brilliant (and, of course, fabulous) inventors, artists, scientists, etc., then wouldn’t they be equating me with positive images of gay men? Would their reaction to my homosexuality have been changed from "ewwww" to "wow, just like that amazing inventor!" if they had received a bit of all-encompassing education?

I think it would.

The British Independent on Sunday newspaper recently asked readers to nominate the unsung heroes and heroines who make life as a lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender person better—as well as the celebrities who make the world a more entertaining place.

More than 1,500 nominations were received, and the ‘winner’ announced. Interestingly, it wasn’t a celebrity, but Elly Barnes, a teacher who claims the exceptional achievement of eradicating homophobia in her school.

Since 2005, Elly has been running LGBT History Month at Stoke Newington School, North London, every February. She says, "I've had pupils say, 'Miss, are you trying to turn us gay?' and I ask them, 'Do you turn black during Black History Month or Turkish during Turkish month?'" Barnes 'came out' on Teachers' TV, and says, "It's ignorance that causes homophobia—once educated, attitudes change. Sometimes it's a deep-rooted hatred which takes a long time to change. The best way is to show positive role models.”

Of course it is. And thankfully the UK now offers plenty to choose from. Perhaps, then, with initiatives in schools such as Elly Barnes’s program, little brothers everywhere may not be only encouraged to tolerate their older gay siblings, but be instantaneously proud of them.

For more about UK LGBT History Month, visit lgbthistorymonth.org.uk
For more about the Independent on Sunday’s ‘Pink List’, visit independent.co.uk/news/people/news/the-ios-pink-list-2011-2374595.html

Live Fast, Die Young, Sport a Six-Pack

Torsten Højer — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:00:00 GMT

New research in the UK has shown that half of British gay men would sacrifice a year or more of their lives in exchange for the perfect body. Would you? Torsten Højer considers his stomach at a bar in London.

It’s lunchtime, and the gay bars in London’s Soho are opening for the day. In one of the city’s most popular bars, a statuesque barman looks weary (probably from the night before) as he unlocks the double doors and declares that the bar is open for business. Two Chinese ladies enter first, pulling those old-woman personal shopping trolleys, and go to the toilet, then promptly leave without buying a drink and without noticing the man mountain that let them in.

I’ve noticed him, though. He’s in his early 20s and has tight black jeans on. Tighter still is his white vest, which hugs his pecs and, moreover, ripples down over his bulging abs. He smirks as he pulls me a pint of beer. I smile back, before sitting down to check out what this bar can offer a lunchtime visitor. As the barman stretches, I realize why he’s smug—he’s noticed my lack of abs as he serves up a calorific lager, and he knows he’ll never touch the stuff, as alcohol isn’t conducive to owning an eye-wateringly buff six-pack.

Suddenly the beer tastes rank. With each sip, I know I’m moving further away from that magical washboard stomach. But who cares? Well, almost half of us gay men, apparently. But it’s not just that we desire a six-pack—for ourselves and in our partners—but that we’d rather give up a year of our own life span to attain one.

A new UK study has found that 48 percent of gay men would sacrifice a year or more of their lives in exchange for a perfect body. The research (which was part of a study commissioned by Central YMCA, the Succeed Foundation and the Centre for Appearance Research at UWE Bristol into how men talk about their bodies) also said 10 percent of gay men would agree to die more than 11 years earlier if they could have their ideal body now. Eleven years!

What does this mean?

As I look around, the bar is wallpapered with images of A&F-style models, all with six-packs. The TV screens are showing a music video by British boyband JLS, with the camera angles sweeping up their naked torsos as they sing on a beach. And yes, the sunlight is carving a perfect six-pack into their well-toned tummies. The magazines on the tables in front of me are littered with photos from club nights and every man who has his top off has a six-pack. The adverts all show guys with lean, trim tums and protruding muscles.

AGHHHHHHHH!

Am I a social leper without those six small pieces of muscle on show if I take off my shirt? Everybody seems to have them, so what’s wrong with me? According to every male image in this bar, six-packs are the norm. De rigueur!

Rosi Prescott, CEO of Central YMCA, commented on the six-pack study to the British website PinkNews.co.uk. “This research shows that body image anxiety is sadly much more of an issue for gay men. Today gay men are under enormous pressure about their bodies, and we believe that a lack of body diversity in the media, including the gay press, and a relentless focus which values people based on appearance, may in part explain why gay men are particularly susceptible to this issue. “This is of concern when we know that record numbers of men are taking steroids or having unnecessary cosmetic surgery to achieve what is often an unattainable or unrealistic body image ideal.”

The beer now tastes disgusting. What a waste of £4!

But another point has arisen from the study—do we really want to live to a ripe old age? A gay male friend of mine died recently, aged 66. He had lived a life of booze, cheese and chocolate. He didn’t have a six-pack and never had. But he still didn’t want to live to the age where he’d be shitting himself and unable to clean it up. He didn’t want to be bed-ridden and stinky. He wanted to live life to the fullest, and fuck dieting, booze control and exercise.

Is this part of our gay culture? Do we want to live fast and die young? Are we sucked in by the glamour of the girls who never grew old and remain fabulous in image even today, like Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana? Does the fact that the majority of gay men don’t have kids mean we’re really all so selfish that we can choose to shorten our lives without care for ourselves or any dependents? Is it really true that no one loves a fairy when she’s 40, and therefore we should all brandish six-packs during our 20s and 30s and then give up the will to live?

Who knows? On paper, though, research such as this really does make us gay men sound like a bunch of prissy princesses more eager to worship youth and leanness than value life itself. So the question remained as I left the beer to warm up and the calories to slip down the bar’s sink. Would I trade one year of my life to have the perfect body?

It hurts to say it, but probably, yes. What have we become?

For more information about the research and campaign, visit ymca.co.uk/bodyconfidence/campaign.

'Absolutely Fabulous' Christmas

Torsten Højer — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:00:00 GMT

Christmas may be camp, kitsch and colourful, but the British TV show Absolutely Fabulous is all of those things on speed. So when the BBC put them together for this festive season, Christmas in the UK got that little bit gayer.

Over the festive season, it was possible to get hot and steamy at gay saunas dotted around London (many were actually open on Christmas Day, leading to an increase in jokes about chickens and stuffing and sprouts and mince pies); it was doable to get naked and party at clubs that have a strictly no-clothes dress code; and it was workable to visit bars where pink is practically the only color on the walls and a loop of trashy Christmas music was only interspersed with a selection of Kylie classics. What more could the gays ask Santa Baby to offer them from his bulging sack?

In two words: Ab Fab.

After a break of six whole years (many more in gay years, of course) the show that has inspired thousands of gay men to don blonde beehive wigs and brandish bottles of Bollinger each Halloween was back for three special Christmas episodes.

In the same way that there are no straight men on the roads or in bars when a sporting final hits our screens, the gay scenes of Britain’s major cities were eerily quieter than they should be as Edina Monsoon (played by the show’s writer, Jennifer Saunders) and Patsy Stone (performed by the national institution that is Joanna Lumley) burst back into our lives with a mix of drug-taking, heavy drinking and celebrity.

"As soon as my hair was up, I thought, 'Yes! Patsy's back,'" Lumley snorted to the Mirror newspaper in Britain. "It seems like yesterday that we were making the pilot for Absolutely Fabulous and wondering if it would ever be a hit, so to be back filming with the girls two decades later really was fabulous."

Yes, it’s also 20 years since Ab Fab first appeared, initially running for three series on the BBC between 1992 and 1995 (just in case you didn’t feel old enough already as the new year arrives).

This time around (two of the three episodes have aired at the time of this writing) there are even more gay references packed into each show. As the season is broadcast on BBC America in January, I won’t spoil it for you, but rest assured Jennifer Saunders knows her audience. "The New York gays are very forgiving!" Edina shrieks in episode two, as she takes on a new project that doesn’t work out but is salvaged in, of course, the most fabulous way.

How many complaints the BBC receives about Ab Fab—a show that was marketed as its ‘centerpiece’ of Christmas broadcasting—is unclear, given that it focuses on Edina Monsoon, a heavy-drinking, drug-abusing PR agent who spends her time chasing bizarre fads in a desperate attempt to stay young and 'hip.' And then there's Patsy Stone, her best friend and enabler, whose drug abuse, alcohol consumption and promiscuity eclipses Edina's comparatively mild self-destructive behavior.

Maybe the BBC finally realizes that gay men are an integral and loyal part of its audience? Or maybe the show is just a ratings winner and stars two of the UK’s most-beloved women?

Either way, it has just been confirmed that an Absolutely Fabulous film is being made. Britain’s The Guardian newspaper reported it with excitement. "Jennifer Saunders has revealed the forthcoming Absolutely Fabulous movie will be set on the French Riviera. Saunders confirmed plans for a big-screen outing for Ab Fab's aging miscreants were well underway following the return of the show to UK TV over the festive season. 'Yes, I'm definitely going to do it,' she said. 'I'm aiming to shoot this in a beautiful part of the Riviera. I fancy the south of France in the spring.'"

Don’t we all, sweetie? Fabulous!

For BBC America’s scheduling of Ab Fab this month, visit bbcamerica.com.

A Hot Christmas Stuffing

Torsten Højer — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 14:00:00 GMT

An English-based HIV charity launched an unusual competition in the run up to Christmas, lubricating the channels of sexual communication between itself and a city’s gay scene in the process. Torsten Højer slides in.

Well, that fiiiieeeerce grrl Tyra Banks would be most proud. The show that sporned an unnerving amount of copycat contests in countries around the world, America’s Next Top Model, has now been nodded to by a UK-based HIV organization in a bid to find the best condom for gay men who mean business when it comes to butt sex.

The London-based Terrence Higgins Trust (established as a charity in 1982 and named after Terry Higgins, who was one of the first people in the UK to die with AIDS. A group of his friends wanted to prevent more people having to face the same illness as Terry. So they named the Trust after him, hoping to personalize and humanize AIDS in a very public way.) has launched ‘Brighton’s Next Top Condom’ in—you guessed it—the southern English city of Brighton.

Now, Brighton is a particularly gay city, where one in five men identifies as gay (and there are many more who are MSM—men who have sex with other men but don’t regard themselves as gay), so, it’s a good test ground for condoms being used for penetrative gay sex.

Each year, THT’s offices in Brighton distributes more than 170,000 condoms to men across the city’s gay scene (which, with a quick calculation, is 466 per day!) Now, in a first for the charity, gay and bisexual men are being invited to test-ride four of the UK’s most advanced condoms and report back on which one gives them the best experience. The most popular brand, to be announced in the new year, will then become THT’s condom of choice for distribution in the city.

The campaign is part of THT’s Informed Passions project, funded by the British Big Lottery Fund, which looks to find new and innovative ways to support the sexual health of gay and bisexual men.

Sue Peters, Regional Manager for THT, says, “At THT, we’re serious about condoms. Thirty years on from the beginning of the HIV epidemic, they remain the best way to protect yourself against HIV. However, it’s important that condoms give men pleasure as well as protection. Sex, after all, should be fun. We very much look forward to hearing what the gay community thinks of our finalists, and hope it will encourage men to explore the huge variety of condoms out there.”

And therein lies the problem. There’s too much choice! There are loads of condom manufacturers, and most of them have a good range of condoms of different shapes, sizes and thicknesses, which come with or without lubricant of various types. There are also specialist condoms available which can help with all sorts of problems. For example, 'delay' condoms are designed to delay premature ejaculation, and contain a mild local anesthetic which numbs some of the nerves in the penis, making it temporarily less sensitive.

According to Avert.org, recent research showed that rates of breakage, caused by fault in the condom itself, are less than two condoms out of every 100 condoms. Studies also indicate that condoms slip off the penis in about one to five percent of sexual acts (although this was based on vaginal intercourse) and slip down (but not off) about three to 13 percent of the time.

"Various studies have shown that knowledge and familiarity with the use of condoms reduce the likelihood of condom breakage and slippage during sex," says the Avert website. "A major factor that can lead to a condom breaking or slipping off during sex is its size, as this can affect how easy it is to put on and how likely it is to stay on. Different sizes of condoms are available, and it is important to make sure that the condom being used is the correct fit."

From the start of November, THT staff and volunteers have been hitting Brighton’s gay scene to promote the condom competition, handing out sampler packs containing four brands—Mates Skyn, Mates Aquafusion, Mates Ultrathin and Pasante Sensiva—each offering something new in terms of sensation and aesthetics, from one that comes ready coated with silicon lube, to another cleverly packaged in a round pot so it’s easier to open. All men who feed back their views, either by phone, text or email, will be entered into a prize draw to win £50 (approx. $78).

So, this is Happy Christmas from the south of the UK, where gay men are being paid to use free condoms and practice hot sex as the temperature cools down outside. Well, it is for a good cause, after all. So, if you’ll excuse me...

For more on the Terrence Higgins Trust, visit tht.org.uk

For frank advice on using condoms, visit gmfa.org.uk/sex/hivandaids/condoms-and-lube