Dear Gay Men, Stop Being Pussies!
11/22/2011 9:14:00 AM
Last week I had the pleasure of being invited to a gay single night out called “L.A. Guy Gokon." By Japanese definition, a Gokon is a casual singles matchup party, usually reserved for straight people. The L.A. Guy Gokan is for gay guys.
Now, even though Facebook and I agreed that my “relationship status” has changed, I thought this would be an excellent way of getting some of my single friends out to have fun and meet new people.
According to my friend hosting the event, L.A. Gokon would offer a more relaxed and casual environment for guys to relax, eat, drink AND get a little karaoke on! (For the record, if there is karaoke, I’m there!) What a brilliant idea I thought!
So to my cell phone, Facebook and emails I went a wrangling. A man on a mission, I set out with all my cupid powers to get my best of (single) friends together! As I dialed and typed my little heart away, I thought this was going to be the easiest thing to do and we were going to walk in there and literally bring the party!
But alas, the call of cupid seemed to fall on deaf ears as call after call seemed to be turned down and person after person seemed to feel uncomfortable with a “singles party."
As I sat in my room, phone in one hand, laptop in the other feeling defeated, I began to get a little frustrated.
Why wasn’t anyone into the idea of going to a singles night?
Why, with every conversation, was I made to feel as if an actual (one on one night) away from the bars of West Hollywood was—kind of passé?
After all, weren’t these the same guys who were constantly wishing to meet the right guy? The same guys who wished that there were a better alternative to using Grindr everyday? The same people who begged for cupid’s magic to work on them?
Why then, when opportunity was knocking at their door, did they not care to at least try something new, something different and more human?
I like to think that gay men have an innate sense of fearlessness. We do many things on a daily basis that challenges the stereotypical “alpha male” mold. So, when it comes to taking a chance on a “singles night,” why was it like asking to do a month-long abstinence pledge?
I often want to write an open letter to gay men that starts:
“Dear Gay Men of L.A., stop being pussies! You are always complaining of wanting love but always engage in behavior that is opposite of that.”
Or my other favorite letter:
“Dear Gay Men, You're no better than the straight dicks when you act like one.”
I think maybe its time to finish those letters just so that we can focus a bit more. To get back to what we are really, truly and desperately wanting—something meaningful.
I often think about what my parents used to tell me when I was a little kid, “If you put enough time and effort into something, you will reap the benefits of all your hard work.”
Turning on Grindr at Starbucks does not count as hard work in the land of dating—you can do better than that.
For the record, I had an amazing time at the L.A. Guy Gokon and so did my friends that came with me. So when the next one comes around I better see you there. Although, if you are a karaoke hog, I may have to kill you.
Till next time,
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