9/13/2013 12:37:00 PM
Like every parent, I have children and with those come other problems. My oldest son Justice was getting picked on at elementary school and my youngest, Houston Jr., expected me to change his diaper and on top of that even feed him, god! The only thing that wasn’t a problem was my husband Houston Sr. and that’s because after a long day of work, he would come home and drill me with love.
I recently started to have body issues again but this time I decided to not have plastic surgery to solve them. I had a husband who loved me for me and I didn’t need to look young and fit anymore. Being in my 40s with the stress of parenthood and the joy of foodhood, I began to love food in ways I hadn’t before or had previously accepted within myself. Food food food. Have you ever taken ...
8/7/2013 10:21:00 AM
Rule 1) Do not apologize for your first world problems. It is more important to get upset about things that people in other countries will never even get the chance to get upset about rather than suck it up and think ‘well, I’m just lucky to be here.’ You are not lucky, you are alive here instead of over there by coincidence, and your third world made paper cup for your $10 coffee drink just doesn’t fit right with the lid and your precious drink from agrarian cultured people picked beans is now spilling even with the help of that plastic plunger plugging your sippy hole. This is a huge problem! Who cares if you are in a first world country while having this coffee spilling crisis, it’s still a first class crisis, treat it that way…
Rule 2) Sex should always be monetized. I know ...
Sometimes, One Time and Other Times
5/2/2013 9:57:00 AM
Sometimes, we look at ourselves in the mirror and we think ‘what happened to that beautiful little girl?’ I’ll tell you what happened, A) she’s a man, B) she’s old and not little, and C) she’s turned her beautiful years into lock boxes of drug and sex abuse leaving a dried out piece of fruit person that stares in the mirror and wonders further ‘will Botox bring my little girl back, will hyaluronic acid injections do it, the laser, the peels, the knife, how, how do I bring her back?!’ She is no longer. She is of memory. She is of other. ‘Who are you dried fruit face person and what have we become?’ we ask our dried fruit face.
We open our mouth to answer and say, “I’m still me, I’m still that sunny little girl I am.”
But the noise that comes out of our mouth sounds like: ...
I Had it All
4/25/2013 9:57:00 AM
I wanted it all and I had it all: husband, money, kids, bed modeling fame, friends I could buy or was in the process of buying, neighbors that were blackmailed into accepting gays, and I was still pretty.
“It’s just hard to take you seriously sometimes,” Houston said to me.
“I am seriously!” I exclaimed.
“So let me get this straight,” Houston began, “you want me to pay a sitter $600 so you can run off and make $200 in bed modeling?”
“I know, I was totally surprised that someone my age would make that much money in bed modeling but I’m officially really famous,” I agreed, “I also have longevity in the industry.”
Houston didn’t respond, he just grabbed his travel bag for work and left me in the house without any money for a sitter. Shock poured all over my body. I had already agreed to model, I couldn’t ...
Pick a Baby
2/8/2013 9:19:00 AM
I always say “if you bite off more than you can chew, just swallow bigger” and life is full of big swallows. Our lesbians, Careen & JillAnne, were both about to pop out babies from our gay DNA party 9 months ago and our baby broker additionally hooked up a third kid just in case none of the other babies were cute. Oh my god, we needed to pick a baby.
“Can I talk to you?” My husband Houston came to me holding pictures of 3D ultrasounds and medical examination reports, “why are there so many babies again, why all this?”
I picked up the pictures, “Honey, I knew you’d forget why, therefore, I recorded a Sally Jessy Raphael from 1988 about this very topic and I really think you should watch it.”
“That doesn’t sound healthy,” Houston baulked, “just tell me.”
“Okay,” I said while picking up the cutest in ...
1/3/2013 10:35:00 AM
I turned over in my marital bed and faced my husband Houston. He had hot man sweat glistening all over his burly muscle body and this got me all sexed up. I ran a hand from his strong jaw down through his furry chest and cupped over his manhood.
“This piece,” I looked into Houston’s eyes as I stroked his meat, “this is my favorite piece, wanna give me some baby?”
I rolled over and arched my back in waiting.
Houston reached out to me with his large and powerful hands gripping my buttocks, “Honey, we just did this and I would love to do it again but you’re getting close to wearing out your favorite piece…”
That was strange for Houston to say because I didn’t remember doing it recently. Then I felt Houston reach behind me and pull me closer and the next thing I remember was hearing ...
12/20/2012 10:54:00 AM
Sometimes when I’m alone, I touch myself and I call it “my own private adventure story” because this is my adventure and this is my private alone time and this is my story. It was on a cold winter’s morn in LA (70 degrees…) that an unexpected event happened and changed the course of my day. I was having “my own private adventure story” time because my husband was at work and unable to pleasure me and suddenly there was a knock at the door.
“What do you want, I was touching myself?” I said as I opened up the front door.
A skinny pock faced man holding a stack of flyers spoke, “Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt but this is an emergency.”
He gave me a flyer and it had a picture of me from my early bed modeling days with the words “Town Slut Moves to Our Neighborhood, Run ...
Turning 40 and Gay Death
10/9/2012 10:27:00 AM
I don’t look at turning 40 as the end, I look at it as a rebirth but in order to be reborn, you must have gay death. I had just a few more months of being my old pretty gay self at 39, the horizon of 40 was near, and I only needed to embrace my destiny. I was currently married with one child, planning a 2nd child with lesbian friends, and finally finally finally had money and didn’t need to struggle as a useless bed model ever again, what could I possibly be missing before gay death? Ummm, a $20,000 swimsuit!
Houston didn’t understand my request, “So my love, did you say you want a $20,000 swimsuit for the last pool party of the season?”
“For the last pool party of my life!” I corrected.
“We have a heated pool and we can go swimming and invite your friends ...
Houston and I Can Cook
9/21/2012 10:46:00 AM
Houston, my rich restaurateur husband, came home from work one night and he seemed upset.
“Honey bear, what’s wrong muscle daddy hairykins?” I asked in my adult voice.
“We lost a cook at the restaurant tonight and tomorrow, I have a full house, ugh… I can cook but the front of the house will be without me and we need help,” Houston said in his concerned thinking voice.
I didn’t skip a beat, “My love, we share our problems together and we also share our solutions, hello, I’m your front of the house guy and I will shine for you.”
Houston smiled and grabbed me closer to him. He began to kiss me softly on my lips and then made his way to my ear where he nibbled on my lobe. Suddenly, he ripped off my shirt and pushed me up against the kitchen counter. I ...
9/13/2012 10:10:00 AM
Picture a circle of people and everybody is holding hands, some people are unable to feel the hands they are holding so they drop out of the circle, at some point after scrambling to reconnect hands, the circle feels a presence missing, the remaining members are closer together but the circle is now smaller and less. What if that same energy that it took to scramble and reconnect the circle was directed towards the people at risk of dropping out, would they stay?
When I was 18, I wrote a letter one night in a state of confusion. This letter detailed how hard it was to deal with the thoughts that were racing through my mind at the time and I inserted phrasing like “Writing this letter is the only thing keeping me alive right now.” When I showed the letter to my friends, they became very concerned. At first ...