My cycle right now… 3000 mg of Test Enanthate a week, 2500 mg of Nandrolone Decaonate and 300 mg of Trenbolone Acetate. With 5iu of Human Growth Hormone everyday.I’m waiting until i pop. Or my liver to fails… which every [sic] comes first.
One blogpost in particular seems tragically prophetic. In February 2009, after turning 27 years old, Rhodes brought up "The shame i bring on my family, and anyone else around me. The shame i have made of myself." He goes on to say, "I have even considered just changing myself all together. Get permanent eye color change, dye my hair, lose weight and become someone else all together." Eerily, he continued:
Oh... i have given myself and [sic] expiration date, kinda like a carton of milk. You can't expect things to last forever, and with the way things are going, 30, i'm just gonna call it quits. That's if i even make it to 30. If things get better then i might change my mind but, that is what is engraved in my brain at the moment. I just don't have passion for this life anymore. i Have fucked things up so beyond repair that i can never feel normal again. I try. I honestly do, but there is always someone there to get my head that drops me down a level regardless if i'm doing nothing wrong.
While Erik Rhodes may not have actively ended his life at 5:30 a.m. yesterday, it appears that long ago he accepted a life of sadness—a "romance with misery" as he says himself. If anything, Erik Rhodes' death is a reminder to us all that what we see of someone on the outside can sometimes cover a fragile, troubled inside. And while we don't know for sure whether Rhodes chose to take his own life, his destructive habits and addictions should act as a wakeup call to everyone regarding the dangers of such behavior. Let's hope that in death, Erik Rhodes was able to find the solace he was never able to find in life.
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