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Jake Thought PrEP Would Put a Stop to Freaking Out About HIV—He Was Wrong


our weekly column about Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis, "My Life on PrEP,"  went up. And in it author Jake Soto delves into his persistent—if infrequent—anxiety around contracting HIV. An anxiety he had hoped his experience on PrEP might alleviate:

 "You wake up in the morning with chills—or wake up at night feeling feverish. Almost by instinct, your hands fly to your neck to check your lymph nodes. The internal monologue begins. “Are they swollen? They feel lumpy?!? Is that normal?” Suddenly, you’re in the bathroom with a thermometer lodged in your mouth. “Do I have a fever? I feel fucking hot in this sweatshirt. Am I sweating? Jesus Christ, I’m fucking sweating!"

It is a mini burst of hypochondria that almost every sexually active queer man has experienced at least once or twice in our lives. And for many of us it comes far more frequently.

Though I've been HIV-positive since 2005, I remember that fear well. I used to feel it on some level almost every time I had sex, it didn't seem to matter whether or not I was wearing a condom, or if my sexual partner was a long-term love or a stranger off the street. I used to think, boyfriends lie and condoms break.

Read the full article at

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