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Dating and Disclosure: When to Tell Your HIV Status


Editor's Note: Today's guest contributor is Tyler Curry. Tyler is a writer & advocate living with HIV in Dallas, Texas.

As I prepare to say good goodbye to my twenties, I've noticed that getting older has its perks.
 Department store salesmen no longer roll their eyes when I ask to be fitted for a new suit, I no longer feel the need to sleep until just before the sun starts to set and my car insurance company no longer hates me. It would seem that this so-called “mid-life” isn’t so bad after all. That is, unless you are single. Single, and you are about to go on the dreaded first date. Single, dreaded first date and you have to find a way to casually disclose that you are HIV-positive. Now, I still don’t believe getting older is all that bad, but it is definitely a hell of a lot more complicated.

Over the past several months I have been grappling with the question of just when is the right time to disclose my HIV status. This has led to many hypotheticals posed over bottles of wine with friends, both positive and negative. Several of my friends say that the cliché third date is most appropriate. Assuming sex is still off the table, this is the point at which both parties have had enough time to get to know one another for who they are, not what disease they are carrying.  

The danger of the “third date rule” is that it allows for feelings to develop, albeit little baby ones. Disclosing your status once a semblance of trust has formed is like placing a loaded gun in front of a person and asking them not to shoot you with it. I don’t know about you, but I am still reeling from the shotgun that tried to take me down when I found out about my status.  Now, I prefer to hedge my bets and avoid the firing range as much as possible.

Read the full article at Positive Frontiers. 

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