With the March 18 return of Dancing with the Stars and its most dismal cast of C-list celebrities in ages, you can almost hear the final gasps of breath coming from the franchise. This year's cast—including The Bachelor's Sean Lowe, Lisa Vanderpump, the NFL's Jacoby Jones and Andy Dick—could see ratings drop with substantial numbers.
That may be why ABC is premiering a new celebrity competition show on the following night. But the quality of stars doesn't get any better. The show is called Splash and sadly has nothing to do with the Tom Hanks movie of the same name, but features competitive celebrity diving.
Donning bathing suits will be NBA legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the NFL's Ndamukong Suh (which doesn't come with rice), Girls Next Door vet Kendra Wilkinson, comedian Louie Anderson and iCarly's Drake Bell. Oooooooh, can you feel the excitement?
Chelsea Handler's vertically challenged sidekick Chuy Bravo was on the show til he had to bow out this week due to a non-show-related injury and has now been replaced by—now, don't laugh—the mega star Brandi Chastain. Don't worry, I didn't know who she was either, but after asking a lesbian friend, it turns out she's a soccer player. There is one saving grace for Splash—one of the judges is the eternally sexy Olympian Greg Louganis.
Former Spartacus stars Cohen Holloway and Lucy Lawless reunite in the Australian miniseries Top of the Lake, which premieres on the Sundance Channel March 18. The drama centers on a detective investigating the case of a vanished 12-year-old pregnant girl, who happens to be the daughter of a local drug lord. Additional cast members include Holly Hunter, Mad Men's Elisabeth Moss and Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers' David Wenham.