Bearded Lady
Gossip Gay

As a recovering actor, yours truly has quite a few semi-famous model/ actor/singer/dancer friends in my iPhone. Soap stars, popstars and Teen Beat cover boys—oh my! Let’s just say that my dinner parties boast quite the interesting guest list of what’s-her-faces and isn’t-that-the-guy-froms. Often it’s these clandestine little friendships that supply me with the gossip my readers love so much, and this week is no different, because here I have a ‘bearded’ lady coming out to y’all—sort of.

You see, apparently too many male musicians have been coming out as ‘bisexual’ of late, and that’s not good for business. While bubblegum song sales may soar within WeHo, many born-again, Bible-thumping, trailer-dwelling parents of America’s youth are organizing .mp3-burnings.

And that’s where my tall, leggy, buxomly beautiful fruit fly of a friend comes in. Let’s call her Sexy McDime-A-Dozen—she’s sexy but a-dime-a-dozen in this town, which is perfect for one L.A. power publicist. You see, McDime has been ‘hired’ to ‘play companion’ to an ‘emerging male popstar’ with ‘questionable tastes.’ (In fact, if you scan the online tabloids as of late, you may just be able to decipher to whom I’m referring.)

Ms. McDime tells me of her recent escapades:

It’s been amazing. Last Friday we spent the night at [insert name of cliché L.A. hetero-club here]. Yesterday we had dinner at [insert name of cliché L.A. restaurant here]. He’s really nice. Something’s off, though. I don’t know if he’s getting over a breakup or something, but there’s a list of things I can’t ask him about—not exes, not his family and nothing to do with [insert name of cliché (supposedly) hetero-best friend here]. It’s great. Just weird.

When I point blank asked McDime if she thought the “emerging male popstar” in question was queer, her response came—you guessed it!—as an L.A. cliché. “I’m sorry, but I can’t really talk about that. It’s in my contract.”

Bitching Beauties

To the collective of surgically enhanced, orange-skinned, bottle-blonde, 50-something (trying to be 30-something) women who spent three hours at NoHo’s Republic of Pies coffee shop last Thursday afternoon ... I hate you. 

It was bad enough that you spent the first hour kvetching about “what a bitch Becky has become” and how “the only business her husband is doing in Vegas is a stripper named Candy.” It got worse during the second hour, when you started talking about the “intimate toy” party you threw for “Janet’s bachlorette fiesta” last month. (I almost up-chucked my peanut butter macaroons when you started talking about the interactive demonstrations!)
I was completely horrified, however, during the last hour of your pow wow when you all pulled out headshots of little toddler girls in tiaras and began to rate them on “their doll-like appearance and glitz-appeal!”
Ladies, you—yes, you!—are what is wrong with the Valley ... and the TLC network ... and America at large! Stop it! Just stop it! Pick on someone your own size, and to find that person, may I suggest a trip to the Dress Barn?

Reader Reply

I absolutely love getting emails at [email protected]! The following commentary came to me from “Wendy A.” of West Hollywood, and I feel it’s observant enough to warrant addressing:

Dear Gossip Gay,

Your posts are getting less catty and more heartwarming lately. What’s going on in your life? You’re not as bitter as you used to be.

Well, well, well, Wendy! Thank you for noticing. Yes, life has been rocking and rolling with awesomeness as of late. I’ve been sporting rose-colored glasses in recent months, and there’s a big celeb-enthused Gossip Gay announcement coming soon. Until then, I hope you enjoy the heart-warming contents of my most recent offerings. Just know that I’ll never completely lose the occasional snark! Sending you love!

Gossip Gay

For more QueerSay, go to
Drop me your dirty little secrets at [email protected].
And don’t worry, I never give up my deep throat!

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  1. wayned posted on 04/18/2014 10:43 PM
    Mientras que Omega consolida Replicas de relojes su posición en París con la apertura de dos nuevas tiendas, atrás en uno Replica Relojes de los modelos 'Faro' en su colección 2013: el Omega Seamaster Aqua Terra day-Date. Un hermoso reloj con un diseño clásico Relojes Rolex que aumentará los tiempos sin tomar un paseo. Disponible en una sola pieza.
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