Of the two men I have truly and genuinely cared for, never once was it love at first sight. In wooing Yours Truly it often takes months of fancy dinners, lavish gifts and a clandestine glance over my man’s shoulder at the ATM to ensure there are at least six digits (left of the decimal) worth of savings in his bank account.
That said, it’s with shock and awe that I profess my love to a man I met last night—and by ‘met’ I mean creepily stared at across the Oil Can Harry’s dance floor in a drunken Smirnoff-saturated haze for well over an hour. Yes, folks—free dance lessons at the good ol’ Oil Can! Some look upon it as a place to let loose with our fellow LGBTQ brethren, while I use it as a place for my two left feet to get in some free cardio. On this night of a thousand stars, though, I was surely outdone by my future ex-husband.
Tall, dark, handsome and sporting tight jeans and an even tighter white T-shirt, my heart went goo-goo while watching him grapevine to the latest Gaga. Adding kicks, spins and shimmies where no kicks, spins or shimmies were called for, I could only imagine how his on-the-floor grooves might translate to in-the-boudoir moves.
Granted, we didn’t talk. I was a little too embarrassed to say hello after Electric Sliding directly into a pole and twisting my ankle. Alas, here and now I profess my undying love to you, Mr. Cowboy Casanova. You are truly something special—the white Stetson knight I have long been waiting for ... uh, unless you’re poor.
Reader Rubbed the Wrong Way
Recently I got an email from the self-proclaimed “biggest Gossip Gay fan ever” who has a warning for my readers. It turns out this WeHo resident has had a rough go of it lately and hired a massage therapist to rub him the right way. He writes:
Dear Gossip Gay,
It is important that you warn your readers that not all of the gay guys who advertise for massages online are what they seem! It is not uncommon for me to sometimes book a guy to come over after a long night at the bars—nothing sexual, you know, just a massage!
Six times now I’ve had a guy show up at my place and look nothing like his pictures. Maybe that was a picture of him 10 years ago, but he looks nothing like that today. Also, some of them are even straight! It’s so disappointing, and it really makes me angry. Please tell your readers to get their potential masseurs to cam with them first before inviting them over. Also, never send money on PayPal ahead of time because sometimes they never show up.
Fool you once, shame on them. Fool you twice, shame on you! Pre-paying with PayPal? That’s just plain stupid! My advice: rub it out yourself!
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And don’t worry, I never give up my deep throat!