Despite his Mormon-ish ensemble, “Joe” is one of our best friends—truly the nicest guy in our gaggle. But you know what they say about nice guys, right? Always finishing last! An IT director at a major local medical center, his 70-plus-hour workweeks leave him little time for man-on-man loving.

We were beyond happy when he told us he met someone on a popular gay hookup site. It wasn’t totally unbelievable—he’s adorably romance-able in his own bookish sort of way. What was unbelievable, however, was who he met—the blondest Abbey go-go boy who we’ve long called the Unattainable A-List Adonis!

Our intellectual BFF had the proof—texts from the Adonis and compromising Facetime videos aplenty. The online romance had been going on for months, with the two talking for hours each night though never exchanging words as we watched Mr. Unattainable gyrate from afar each and every Sunday afternoon.

Well, I’m sad to report that the two finally set a date last weekend at the WeHo IHOP, and Joe’s worst fears were confirmed. He’d been catfished! What he came face to face with was not an unattainable Adonis but an unemployed, unkempt, middle-aged, middle-of-the-road man who’d spent years engineering an online persona to jerk around lonely men.

Needless to say, my bestie is beside himself, so I put this out there as a warning: Not all things that flex on Facetime are forged in reality. Beware when looking for love out there on the information superhighway!

Titus On Our Side

I spied with my queer little eye comedian Christopher Titus at the Burbank Starbucks last Saturday. Still forever as cute as a button on dad’s tweed blazer, this blue-eyed beau is like a fine wine, only getting better with time.

Rarely do I introduce myself to celebs, no matter how big on the small or silver screen they may be. This run in was the same, me giving little more than a quick heterosexual man-to-man chin nod of acknowledgement. However, it is here that I’d like to tell Titus how much I respect him.

A few months back, I saw him do stand-up at Flappers Comedy Club, and my mind was blown! Less of a traditional comedy routine and more of a one-man show, his scripted hour was touchingly beautiful, intellectually stimulating and controversially eye-opening—with a heart-warming pro-gay rant about America’s need for equal rights.

I love you, Titus, inside and out!

Not-So-Good Friday

To the beyond drunk man dry heaving into the Santa Monica Boulevard gutter in front of Motherlode at 2 a.m. on Good Friday—yes, to you, the sobbing, not-hot mess with a little puke on your Ed Hardy shirt—and also to you, his equally intoxicated boyfriend, propping himself up against the parking meter and wailing, “It’s over! We’re ooooover! It’s done! We’re dooooone!”

To both of you, thank you for absolving me of any and all of my sins. Jesus may have had to be crucified and resurrected in order to save my soul, but you made me feel better about myself just by being Logo reality show-worthy tragic!