If this were speed dating, how would you describe yourself to a complete stranger in just one sentence?
I swallow!

If you could only watch one movie every single day for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
Happiness by Todd Solondz, because the sensation of not knowing whether to laugh or cry makes me feel at home.

Hold onto your seat, it’s about to get real. What’s your favorite color? And think of a pretentious new name for it.
Purple. “Passive-Aggressive Polymorphously Perverse Purple.”

Complete the sentence: “I could NOT live without…”
My friends, family, coffee, laughter and dancing.

What celebrity would you like to have wild, passionate dirty animal sex with?
Mr. Ed.

What song title could also be the name of your autobiography?
“Guilty” by Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb.

Describe, in detail, your “death row meal.”
Humble pie.

If you could come back in your next life as anyone or anything, who or what would you be?
Someone with larger breasts.

Worst job you’ve ever had?
Show biz! Also the best, but there’s two sides to everything.

Share your favorite beauty tip with us.
Believe you are beautiful.

Who or what is your “spirit animal”?
SCTV’s comedic goddess, Andrea Martin.

Tell me a secret!
I find silverback gorillas sexually arousing, so the Mr. Ed answer was a cop out.

Finally, be a total shameless whore and plug whatever you want. 
You can catch me this season on Comedy Central in Brody Stevens: Enjoy It, produced by Zach Galifianakis. And come see me live in The Madonnalogues Variety Hour on Wednesday, Feb. 19 at The Cavern Club Celebrity Theater. For tickets, go to cavernclubtheater.com.