Ryan Landry is an award-winning actor, musician, playwright and founder of The Gold Dust Orphans theater troupe. His hilarious stage shows—twisted creations like Peter Pansy, Mildred Fierce and Mary Poppers—can be seen in New York, Boston and Provincetown, the East Coast’s gay mecca, where he also hosts the long-running Monday night amateur drag performance phenomenon Showgirls. Landry says he would come to Los Angeles, but he’s over 50.

If this were speed dating, how would you describe yourself to a complete stranger in just one sentence? I don’t expect much, but you really have to stay for the full hour.

If you could watch only one movie every single day for the rest of your life, what would it be? Anything with Angelina Jolie, because I’d be dead of boredom in one day.

Hold onto your seat. It’s about to get real—what’s your favorite color? And think of a pretentious new name for it. Midnight Blue, or as I like to call it, “Armageddon Sleepy”!

Complete the sentence: I could NOT live without… Oxygen

What celebrity would you like to have wild, passionate dirty animal sex with? Babe, cause I hear he’s a real pig.

What song title could also be the name of your autobiography? Frank Zappa’s “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?”

Describe, in detail, your death row meal. Campbell’s “Soup for One.” Let the punishment fit the crime.

If you could come back in your next life as anyone or anything, who or what would you be? Helen Keller. I like to think of myself as a minimalist.

Worst job you’ve ever had? Jackie Beat, but only because she refused to take her teeth out.

Share your favorite beauty tip with us. “Lights out!”

Who or what is your spirit animal? Casper, the Friendly Sex Offender.

Tell me a secret! Vladimir Putin is also a Russian dessert.

Finally, be a total shameless whore and plug whatever you want. Done, and this time I used all five fingers.

Ryan may not want to shamelessly plug his latest stage show, but I will. If you’re in the Boston area, go see The Gold Dust Orphans’ latest musical extravaganza, Snow White and the Seven Bottoms. For tickets and for more info, visit brownpapertickets.com.