Finding Cupid

Would You Rather...?

David Cruz III — Tue, 18 Mar 2014 18:00:00 GMT

When I first moved to Los Angeles, one of the weirdest things that I had to get used to was the odd array of decisions that came with finding a place to live.

For example, when I lived in Orange County, most houses and apartments were new. The hardest thing I ever had to decide on was whether or not to paint a wall in my living room.

In L.A., it’s quite the contrary. Every visit to an apartment complex or home becomes an intense version of the game ‘Would You Rather,” each answer to the question being harder than the question itself.

"Would you rather have a small bathroom or no heater?”

“Would you rather have a dishwasher or no closet?"

Unless you have all the money in the world to afford everything (which most of us don’t) we tend to make big sacrifices in the name of real estate.

But can the same be said about relationships?

When it comes to the people we date, do we find that we have made sacrifices in the relationships we have in order to move forward with life’s grand plan?

Are we all perfectly happy playing the “Would You Rather” game, hoping that love will find its way into the equation?

Would you rather find your soulmate but be bound to a long-distance relationship, or would you rather have a committed relationship with a person that is married?

The amount of scenarios I am presented with on a daily basis from clients sometimes is astonishing and scary! Why are people even debating some of these scenarios?

To take a break from the reality of said work, I convinced a friend of mine to head to the newest restaurant du jour of West Hollywood, Glazed L.A., a new donut bistro a block away from my house.

For months the anticipation has been growing about what this place was about and how it would taste. Most of all, how would the paleo dieting, vegan touting, no-carb Angeleno welcome a donut shop of all things into its city?

The answer was simple—with open arms.

For several days I attempted to grab donuts from the new shop only to be greeted by long lines and the occasional “all out of donuts” sign.

“When was it my turn?” I would ask every time I was turned away.

But something was different about this trip—I had absolute confidence that I was coming home with a well-deserved treat, and I did!

So there we were clearing hurdle after hurdle of bad luck—the shop was open, no lines, and the clear glass display case with chocked full of freshly baked delights!

A win on all accounts!

As my friend and I sat there and decided on which yummy treat to inhale first, I quickly grabbed the Brown Butter Maple Bacon and he grabbed the Bourbon Pecan pie.

It was as if we had never had a donut in our life! They were over-the-top delicious!

Naturally, we somehow get around to discussing relationships. As if everything I said about needing to escape the office went in one ear and out the other.

“So I stayed over at Craig’s house again,” he says, to which I replied, “Craig, the one who doesn’t want a relationship?”

To which he replied under a not so innocent laugh, “Yes.”

“Why do you keep going over if he has made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you?" I say with anger.

“Well,” he says, "it’s the sex!”

So you would rather have a relationship with a guy who doesn’t want a commitment because the sex is good?!

At this point I have eaten everything in front of me and I am talking a little too loud for other patrons to digest at 10 in the morning. So we leave and table our conversation until later.

Back at the office I have become distracted by the day's conundrum. I start to tap my pencil on the desk and stare out the window.

Why does everyone insist on playing “Would You Rather” instead of playing “What I Deserve"?

Why do we waste our time with relationships and people who do not contribute to our future happiness? Instead, we have turned into a society who’s become complacent with subpar relationships.

When it comes to love, why don’t we hold ourselves to a higher standard?

We would rather have bad relationships and call them great than fulfill relationships and call it love.

When we acknowledge that we deserve better, we allow ourselves to fully accept happiness into our lives. But if we think that we should hold onto this person or this relationship because you think you can’t do better, then we are only cheating ourselves.

All of you deserve to be happy, to be respected and to be romanced. There is no rule that says marry the first man that asks. But- wake up—a bad relationship will never be a good relationship.

Take your time while you date, figure out what you like and don’t like, but don’t ever feel like you have no other options.

Today, when I walked into the donut store, I could easily have gone for the classic glazed, but instead I chose the Brown Butter Maple Bacon. This is what I love, what makes me happy and most of all what I deserve.

Do the same with the people you date—go for what you deserve! Not some stale, day-old bread of a relationship! Go for what makes you happy. Otherwise you’re just wasting time.

Till next blog,

David

Ask Cupid

David Cruz III — Tue, 25 Feb 2014 09:10:00 GMT

OK, guys and gals. You asked for it, and now it's here: “The Official #ASKCupid Q&A Session with David Cruz”

I have been taking your questions via Twitter, email and even when you stumbled up to me on “Sunday Funday” in West Hollywood. (Those are always the most entertaining.) So now, here are the best of the best questions from the last week, with all my “Cupid Opinions” to accompany them!

Dear David, My boyfriend and I have been dating for only two months, and when Valentine’s Day came up I wasn’t sure how to approach it. We ended up going for a movie and dinner, but I felt it could have been more romantic. Is this a sign that he’s not interested? —Via Finding-Cupid.com

After only a few months of dating there is always a bit of hesitation on anyone’s part to 'go big' on a holiday, especially if it’s Valentine’s Day. Chances are you haven’t even crossed the “I Love You” bridge yet, so don’t put pressure where pressure shouldn’t be. New relationships take time to grow. God forbid he approached the day with guns blazing. You would be asking if it was too much too soon.

Cool your jets, mister. Be grateful for what your man delivered. Things are going just fine. There's no need to rush to the nearest emergency exit!

How do I know if I’m being too needy or bothering? —Via Twitter/@DavidCruzTMM

Good question, and one I wish more people asked themselves. There is such a thing as suffocating your partner and relationship to death. If you find yourself texting “Hi, how’s your day?” more than once … for five days straight, YOU’RE TOO NEEDY!

Nobody wants a 24-hour status update from a potential boyfriend to be. Let there be some mystery and leave him wanting to know more about you and your life when he sees you next! Pace yourself, or your next Facebook update will more than likely be a change of relationship status.

Some of my friends think I expect too much when it comes to dating. In my opinion, if you're interested, you call. If you don’t, I move on. Is that crazy? —Via Twitter/@DavidCruzTMM

NEVER! This is exactly the way a modern man takes control of his dating life! If a guy is interested, he will put energy into planning and communicating. This is a move that separates the men who are serious from the boys who bullshit! Nobody has time for BS, so keep doing what you're doing!

I expect a guy to buy me a drink when I am at a bar. Is that wrong? —Via Sunday Funday @TheAbbeyWeho

Yes, it’s wrong on so many levels. I have always said, “Chivalry is a courtesy to those who are worthy and gracious.” But for those who 'expect' a drink in hand just because you’re cute, remember this—looks fade, and one day that’s all you will have.

Of course, it’s very nice when someone buys you a drink, but if one lives his life with expectations set so high, he inevitably loses his sense of self-worth and independence. A good man that is worth marrying knows how to be humble and can buy his own drinks.

Your happiness should never be dependent on others or anything they buy for you.

If you have a question that you are dying to get answered, find me on Twitter at @DavidCruzTMM or email me at AskFindingCupid@gmail.com, and yes, I take submissions when you catch me going out, too, so ask away!

10 Tips for Keeping Love Alive in Modern Times

David Cruz III — Fri, 07 Feb 2014 14:30:00 GMT

[Editor's note: Relationship expert—and current Frontiers cover model—David Cruz knows the importance of love. He shares that importance with us in this fun guide to keeping love alive in a time when most people consider chivalry and love at first sight to be things of cheesy rom-coms.]

1. Be a Warrior of Chivalry
There is much to be said about being a gentleman. Not only should you marry one but you should also be one! Open doors and treat the love of your life like a king.

2. Write Handwritten Love Notes
Whether it’s a handwritten letter, card or even a Post-it, surprise the one you love with a short and sweet declaration of your love.

3. Do Something Your Partner Enjoys
It’s easy to get caught up with what you like in a relationship. Switch things up and make your partner feel special. Maybe tonight’s the night you watch a documentary instead of The Carrie Diaries!

4. Create Traditions with Good Friends
Whether it’s planning a monthly dinner party or a karaoke night, fostering your relationships with friends creates a strong support system. Become the ambassador of good times while catching up with the people you care most about. Remember that friends need love, too, and traditions like these keep everyone feeling special.

5. Make a Phone Call
When was the last time you actually talked to someone? Connect on a human level and call someone you care about. The general rule should be to replace one text a day with a phone call. Go ahead, I dare you—dial.

6. Plan Date Nights
Whether you’ve been together for a year or 10 years, remember to keep that flame burning bright. Plan nights out like you did when you first met, and make them fun and sexy.

7. Embrace “Guys Night Out”
Sometimes it’s good to let guys be guys. Spend time away from your relationship and let loose with the old gang. At the end of the night you will still get to cuddle with your little spoon!

8. Unplug from Technology
It’s so important to take a day and simply unplug—no tablets, phones, laptops or Twitter, just human communication. Take this time to make dinner, go for a hike or go to the beach together. Disconnect to reconnect!

9. Play
Life can be too serious sometimes. People often get so caught up in being grown ups that they forget what it’s like to just play. Take time in your day to read the comics, run in the sprinklers, wander the toy aisle, watch cartoons and just relax. This will help your relationship “breathe” and not be taken too seriously. A relationship can be a lot of things, but it should also be fun.

10. Be Thoughtful
Go the extra mile for the one you love. When your significant other is sick, make him soup and put together a special “get well” care kit. When you see his favorite candy, buy it for him. Do something without obligation and surprise him with it. Thoughtfulness is a one-way ticket to a long and happy relationship.

Welcome Back to Love

David Cruz III — Mon, 03 Feb 2014 12:35:00 GMT

When I first created Finding Cupid over four years ago, I started with the simple idea that it was time to inspire people to love again. It’s every year around this time that I feel the need to reaffirm to everyone and myself why I believe in love the way that I do.

The answer is simple, because nobody else does.

Now, I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but people everywhere had lost all hope in love and anything to do with the happiness believed to be found in love.

We were convinced that love and relationships were apostles of consumerism and that Valentine's Day was the godfather of all that we resented in way of relationship obligation.

Then, without any warning, technology came and pulled the rug up from under all of us. We were now being forced—not asked, but forced—into a world where dating was happening online and that hooking up with someone on an app was easier than having pizza delivered.

For all intents and purposes, we were screwed.

Whatever human connection we had about love and dating was instantly replaced by technology and it’s emotionless interaction.

So when people tell me they don’t believe in love and that they hate Valentine's Day, I can understand why they do.

But that’s where I come in—someone with an unwavering belief that love, in all its splendor, is still alive and well.

That no matter how far we have advanced in life and technology, there is still a way for us to connect again. And most importantly, to believe again.

Finding Cupid is about forgetting what you used to believe in and reminding yourself of the simple notion that love is indeed possible. That you are still capable of connecting on a human level and that there is a way to have love in your life like you’ve never experienced before.

As gay men, we are travelling into a world with new frontiers. A place where dating can lead to a being engaged, where marriage is now part of our future and that we can have anything that our straight counterparts have ever had.

This is most exciting time to believe in love again because it is happening all around us. People everywhere are getting engaged and having more meaningful relationships.

As we head into the month of February, I want all of you to follow me on a journey in asking questions, sharing experiences and, most importantly, allowing yourself to believe. Be someone who openly proclaims their faith in love and its ability to come into your life and change your world.

Let go of being jaded, hating Valentine's Day or your openly negative attitude towards relationships. Today, you and I start a fresh new chapter of making things happen for you, but it truly does start with your overall perception of love.

No matter what anyone has ever told me about my beliefs when it comes to love, I have never given up or lost faith in it. I don’t think you should either.

Have a question about love or dating? Send it to me. I want to hear all your questions. More importantly, if you have a great story to share, send those as well. People need to hear your inspiring stories, too.

We can inspire together.

With Love,

David Cruz

For more love and inspiration, head to Finding-Cupid.com and tune into Finding Cupid Radio every Saturday at 11 a.m. PST, exclusively on UBNRadio.com.

Send all your questions about love and relationships to David@Finding-Cupid.com.

The Normals

David Cruz III — Fri, 12 Jul 2013 11:27:00 GMT

There are many wise words of wisdom that have been past on to me in my lifetime. Some are great and some are cheeky. Some conjure up deep thought and others are just stupid.

Some of my favorites include:

“You can't lead a horse to water”

“Don't look a gift horse in the mouth”

and the classic

“The grass is always greener on the other side”

But when it comes to the world of dating and love none has ever resonated more to me than the classic

"Opposites Attract” aka The Paula Abdul Factor

Sometimes I see couples that are shining examples of how this works- but then others that are simply poster children for poor choices while dating.

But isn’t that the way with everything?

Time and time again I chat with friends who constantly are dating the “same kind of person” in the “same circles” and it always ends with a grandeous crash and burn ending.

If we keep making the same mistakes maybe its time to look outside the circle and make a change.

But when it comes to understanding the necessity in finding a partner from "outside" your world, does that create more problems in the dating game or open us up to world of possibilities like we have never seen before?

Lets examine the possibilities.

Scenario 1 "The Dirty Dancing" Factor

Nobody puts Baby in the corner - and that's exactly where our prince charming will find us. In a corner dumbfounded over our poor dating choices.

When Frances (aka Baby) realizes there was nothing left for her in the snotty tennis courts and yacht clubs, she begins to fall madly in love with Johnny a dance instructor at the resort.

Now- I'm not saying sleep with the help any chance you get- but what I am saying is- maybe you've simply exhausted your dating pool.

Dabble bitches. Dabble!

Scenario 2. "The Stacy Keebler" factor.

Oh Staci. You epitomize every woman and gay mans dream of being the ultimate arm candy for Mc. Swoony George.

This is a cautionary tale though, so heed this warning!

We all know that there is an expiration to what kind of "relationship" George really wants.

So unless your a girl that wants nothing, then read the writing in the wall and make sure that you get out as soon as you can. You’re wasting your time and pretty face!

Scenario 3. You can't turn a Hoe into a housewife.

As hard as you want to- sometimes a Hoe... Is a Hoe. (This is also where I say calling a spade a spade- is appropriate.)

It's very rare that you can take people like Pam Anderson and expect them to put on an apron and bake you an apple pie. If you order Pam Anderson- you will get Pam Anderson.

And that's okay. Pam is not for everyone, like Chocolate or wine.

But my point is- just because your current trick of the week- loves you like a love song- lets be honest. That love song is only three minutes and twenty-one seconds long.

So save your time and anxiety and follow this simple advice:

A "normal" could do you a world of good.

A normal will understand everything it takes to make a relationship long lasting.

They have simple height leveled tastes- but they will not overshadow the necessity of love.

A normal is a person who does not necessarily run in your usual circles and may not necessarily scream “WE MATCH”- but deep inside you will connect.

So take a chance try something new and like one of my other favorite words advice goes… what have you got to lose?

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

David Cruz III — Fri, 31 May 2013 11:54:00 GMT

Do you ever wonder why there are no gay dating websites?

Dating websites that are genuinely interested in the promotion of healthy long-term relationships?

Why does there seem to be more of a desire to have “instant access” to torso’s and headless photos than to actually take the time to date.

In a community where we are fighting for marriage equality and seem to frustrated with the lack inability to find long term relationships…why does it seem that we are stuck in a one step forward two steps back mentality?

I spent an entire night searching the Internet to find sites that were devoted specifically to dating and for the most part came up empty handed?

Why do we as gay men embrace sites like Grindr, Jackd and Scruff- while sites like One Good Love fight to strike a chord of relevance?

To complicate matters more, Gay Matchmaking sites still trump traditional sites in almost 10 to 1.

When it comes to finding real love… do we really want something long lasting or do our “digital actions” speak louder than our digital words?

When I take into consideration the evolution of a gay mans understanding of relationships- it all makes perfect sense.

Most older gay men are less tech savvy and come from the days of old school. This means that they are wired to fear their sexuality because when they were young- it was forbidden. The idea of relationships has always been riddled with hook ups and ambiguity. So today- most of their mating & dating rituals reflect their upbringing.

Middle-aged gay men, Gen-X’ers, are challenged with traditional and modern times. They have less of the social burden than their predecessor- but still challenged with the social stigma. They are the new generation of trailblazers who are fighting for identity and change – but now have the added pressure of making the rules up as they fight for them. Their rituals are the “Arnold Palmer” of them all- fifty percent old school and fifty percent new school. These guys will more than likely sleep with you on a first date- but will eventually want to make you a boyfriend.

Then there is the current generation, what I like to call the “Little Monsters”. They are empowered by stronger and more vocal role models like Gaga & Obama- as well as a slew of openly gay actors, singers and tv shows like GLEE.

The challenge with the Little Monsters is that they are driven by technology and easy access. They have it all at their fingertips but do not know how to unplug and communicate naturally. This generation is very clear about what they want of a relationship because they have more social acceptance than the two previous gay generations. Their relationships are more intense and marriage driven than most. Their challenge though, is finding enough maturity and life experience to fully embrace their freedoms.

So when you muddle up the Old Schools with the GenExers and the Little Monsters- it’s no wonder why Grindr has become more widely accepted and used.

We are all trying to find a middle ground- a place that’s safe, easy and modern. Everyone has a smart phone, everyone wants access and everyone is safe.

But what becomes of the most eager romantic in all those groups?

Do they eventually hit a Google goldmine and stumble upon that one great site and meet all the other Unicorn Gays, the Gays only spoken about in LTR fables and lore?

Or are we at just the beginning- testing the waters of a white rapid ahead.

One thing is for certain. Gay relationships are just getting started. Finding their meaning, their role models and its rules. We are at just the beginning of Creating Gay Brady’s and Gay Lucy & Ricky’s.

Hopefully soon we can have a site that flaunts being the E-harmony of gay sites- spitting out successful gay partnerships and weddings more than other hook up sites.

Hopefully soon, we can flip the switch on what it means to be in a Long Term Relationship and how that is a good thing.

Hopefully soon.

Till next blog,

David

For more on love and dating, head to Finding-Cupid.com and tune into my weekly talk show every Tuesday at 8pm exclusively on UBNRadio.com

Wedding Fever

David Cruz III — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 10:14:00 GMT

Obsessed.

That is the only word that I can use to describe my feeling lately about the possibility of getting married.

Pondering.

That is the immediate word that people use to describe the face I make when I am caught day dreaming about said obsession.

Now for the record, I'm not stalking bakeries "cake tasting" or ripping out the pages from GQ of the tux ill be wearing. Im just deep in thought.

Never in my lifetime did I ever think that getting married would, or could have been part of my life's grand plan.

"I wonder how this could truly change the landscape of how we date and have long term relationships as gay men."

Marriage.

You cannot escape the conversation. Its in the newspaper, on the television, at the water cooler. It's staring every gay man and woman right in the face.

But rather than debate the actual issue of equality (because I naturally think I should be allowed the same right to marry anyway) I again wonder- once given the right to marry, how well we could actually assimilate to this newfound equality.

All my life, all I have ever known to be true is that- as a gay man, I could blissfully date without the pressures of getting married or having kids.

You date, You date longer and that's pretty much it. If your lucky (and both willing to) you buy rings and "commit" to each other. If you are really serious, you become "Domestic Partners" and maybe hold a cute ceremony.

But now, the landscape is changing.

There isn't a day that goes by that I dont interact with lucky gay couples who are engaged, who have married or have had kids. It's like someone has pulled the rug up from under me.

When did all this start happening?

I feel beside myself as I try to digest the fact that maybe- just maybe, marriage may actually be something I must now start thinking about.

It feels like a strange superpower. Like discovering you are ambidextrous- oddly and slowly using a hand that was always there, but now with grand potential and excitement. You immediately want to use that hand for writing all the time, feeling proud of it, feeling amazed, feeling happy.

I immediately begin to think about my straight male counterparts. How do they know when they are ready to settle down and commit to the institution of marriage? What are the rules and can those same rules apply to gay men?

I have a good (straight) friend of mine who always used to tell me I was lucky to be a gay man because I could "Date without pressure". I wasn't bound by the same societal timeline that straight men have.

Am I lucky? Are gay men throwing all their freedom away to subscribe to an institution that doesn't want them anyway?

Or- have we simply lived like kids on the Island of Misfit Toys for too long and must now grow up and face the facts of life and responsibilities of adulthood and the understanding of deeper relationships.

I yield my thoughts to love, to happiness and to wisdom.

Nothing in life brings you such clarity than to learn from the wisdom of the greatest mistakes you have made. Nothing in life is strived for more than happiness. The feeling, the emotion, the destination of your success, the end of ones journey.

And so- with love, nothing should be questioned when you discover that you have come to this point in your life to find a partner who loves you- all of you. To use life's great blessing of wisdom to know that this is where your search ends, that you have found... the one.

A marriage isn't simply about an "institution" or the words "Husband and Wife"- It's more about the declaration of love between two people who have ended their journey as two separate individuals.

A celebration that must be shared and witnessed by other people in their lives who support and cheer them on as they begin a new chapter of their relationship. Maybe they will have kids, who will become doctors, presidents and teachers. Kids who will also bring love and happiness to others in the world.

So you see, marriage has greater ramifications than simply being able to legally wed gay men and women in a union.

It's about the perpetuation of human kind as we know it- and (which is my hope) life with more love and more wisdom and more happiness.

Till Next Blog,

David (Aka Cupid)

What is Love?

David Cruz III — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 15:01:00 GMT

As we head into the last few days of preparation before Valentine's Day, I find myself busy with the hustle and bustle of getting my readers ready for the big day. I imagine this is what Santa would feel like—making his toys, getting the old suit dry cleaned and polishing up that sleigh.

I have been talking about Valentine's Day for the last few months now. My house looks like I won a grand prize of Valentine's Day decorations and cards. I am in deep, folks.

It is usually about this time I begin to separate from the aesthetics a bit and focus in on what’s important. Is it a perfect card, an expensive bouquet of flowers or a fancy dinner? What about the shallow gay stuff: Is it about how “hot” my guy is, the car he drives or the lavish spending sprees I hope he takes me on?

What is love all about? What is and (isn’t) important?

I often reflect back to the 20-year-old version of me. The one who thought he knew what love was about. The one who was so sure that he had his head on straight and that he knew what mattered most. Back then, I was so sure that my significant other had to be rich, hot and be able to take care of what I affectionately refer to as my “Twinkie Self." I was young, cute and men would always buy me drinks no matter where I went. I had the power—as we all do at that age.

Twinkie Self dated men with big houses, nice cars and was always taken to dinner at expensive restaurants. They bought me drinks and took me to parties. I was the perfect arm candy.

But, time after time, date after date and failed lover after lover, I always ended up in the same place ... broken-hearted.

In a city where men who had everything and offered you everything, why was the only thing that they couldn’t afford to give you … love?

After many years of trial and error, I flash forward to my Adult Self. The same guy who is sitting here writing about love, in a loving, healthy relationship and head deep in Valentine's Day propaganda. I ask Adult Self that very important question.

What is love about—and what is important?

Love is about many things—personal growth, experience, humility and selflessness. It is just as much a journey in discovering who you are and what you do not want, as it is about a partner who can complement your truest self.

When you are with someone you love, they allow you to be you in all your glory. They never hold you back or make you feel like the things that matter to you are not important. They support you, encourage you and never try to change you.

They appreciate your past and your future.

Love is a humble journey. It magnifies all that is right and all that was wrong at the same time. You are able to learn why you did things before and how to use that experience to better yourself as a person.

Love is more important than any car, house or black American Express card ever issued. Love is just you, him and the moments that you experience together making dinner on a Friday night while watching television.

I believe that love isn’t about the perfect Valentine's Day card, but about what you say in it. I believe that Valentine's Day is not the most important day for a couple, but a celebration of their journey together—a night to remind you of your first kiss.

Valentine's Day is simply a day for love. All love, a chance to pay forward love to human kind. A reminder that coupled or not, we can do something special for someone who needs a bit of love.

So as we all head into the next week, some with armor on and others with grand plans of romance. Take a moment to put things into perspective and not be so hard on one’s self, especially if you are single. Love will happen. You are capable of having a deep committed relationship.

Just don’t ever sell yourself short, no matter what your “Twinkie Self” is saying to you.

Till next blog,
David (aka Cupid)

For more on love, head to Finding-Cupid.com and tune into Finding-Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 8 p.m. PST on UBNRadio.com.

The Presentation

David Cruz III — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 13:25:00 GMT

Welcome to West Hollywood—one of the largest gay cities in the United States.

I am currently sitting in one of the largest, gayest Starbucks Coffee shops the city has to offer. You know the one—the one across from the largest, gayest 24 Hour Fitness club in the city. Man is this a scene.

My preparation to sit and write is vastly similar to my preparation to go out on a Friday night. Yes, I have cologne on, and yes, I did my hair. God only knows why. I mean—this is just a coffee shop, right? Why all the pomp and circumstance?

I'll tell you why—because we are gay. We are all about presentation. We live for it. We don’t have people over for dinner, we have a “dinner party”; we also don’t just hang out, we have a “kiki.” If there is anything that the domestic goddess/prison survivor Martha Stewart has taught us, it's that a social gathering is not just a time to catch up with friends, but it’s also a time to “impress” people.

I am time and time again “impressed” with parties, people, houses and cooking. Oftentimes, the best presenters of said dinner parties and soirees are often the best specimens that the gay gods could create. Smart, financially secure and built like a Greek adonis.

But when it came down to talk of love, there seemed a void—a curious lapse in the relationship employment history of my many hosts. As if I should interrupt said host and say, “I see you haven’t been in a relationship since 1994. Can you tell me what you have been doing since then?”

But we don’t. We never ask. We simply allow ourselves to be intoxicated by the cars, the house, the physical…the presentation.

We have allowed our strengths to become our weakness by falling in love with aesthetics. Then we wonder why our relationships never last. It's like we went to a wedding, stole the table centerpiece and were upset that it didn’t match our home décor—and died a few days later.

Your life, your happiness and your need for companionship is completely dependent on your ability to “filter.” You need to understand that the glamorous things in life simply aren’t important. They are fun—but they are not important. And when it comes to companionship and love, it's all about the basics. Two people who understand each other, who make each other laugh and can enjoy a bowl of top ramen as well as a steak at Morton’s.

There is an amazing new level of satisfaction one can get from being able to filter all the bullshit that you see, hear and interact with in life. So the next time that you get invited to a kiki, remember, have fun, it’s a party! But, if you by chance happen to filter your way through the sea of Greek gods and find that one guy that you lost track of time talking with… give him your number. Chances are he could be the one.

Till Next Blog,
David (aka Cupid)

For more love, head to finding-cupid.com, and check out Finding Cupid Radio on iTunes & Stitcher Radio!

New Year, New You, Same Bad Habits

David Cruz III — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 13:21:00 GMT

After all the dust settles from the holidays, there is a moment of remorse that I feel from the ending of the holiday cheer and the awkward in-between-time that follows. As we slowly take down the decorations, toss the dry Christmas tree and wallow in the presence of the still very cold winter, one can only reflect back on how quick it came—and how quick it left.

As we peel back the layers of lights and garland we begin to see the faint essence of what used to be our homes. We easily forget our lives in all the holiday hustle. I admit, it’s far better a moment to think of baking cookies and singing to Mariah Carey than to think of dating or relationships.

One can say Santa was a stand-in boyfriend.

But here we are, 2013. The house is bare of decorations and fresh with inspiration of the new year. You have made list upon lists of “resolutions” that you will abide by in the next 365 days"

• To lose weight

• To get a better job

• To find a boyfriend

You are heavy with determination and eager to start your year on the right foot. But be warned my friends—the only way to foster successful resolutions is to start with a little spring cleaning!

You see, just like your home after the holidays, you become reacquainted with the issues that existed before all the hoopla of the season. Did you cover the hole in the wall with a beautiful wreath? Did you put up some lights to distract from a much-needed paint job? How about the front door? Does it still squeak?

The reality is, no matter how joyous your home was during the holidays, the problems that lie beneath are still there. When it comes to the House of Love, one should invest in a new coat of paint instead of a brand-new dining table.

I often chat with friends who “desperately want to have a boyfriend”—but these are the same ones that don’t have a job, who live at home still or are hoarders (true story!).

The fact remains that there are a lot of things that one must take care of with themselves and their “home” before they present their lives to others for dating. Nobody will buy the house if it’s not good enough to sell!

The new year is rumored to be all about enlightenment—a new age of self-discovery, purpose and self-worth. I encourage anyone seeking love and partnership this year to take inventory of what needs to fixed in their “House of Love." You cannot find love this year if you hang on to the same old issues that held you back in the last.

So instead of making a list of what new crazy things you're going to do this year, reflect back on what was the root of what prevented you from experiencing true happiness in love.There is much to admire about a person working on themselves before trying to find another.

Fix the cracks, paint the walls and let’s make plans to really put this house on the market to sell! We can do this and it will happen for you this year!

Till Next Blog,
David (aka Cupid)

For more love, head to Finding-Cupid.com, and check out Finding Cupid Radio on iTunes & Stitcher Radio!

Gaybernating

David Cruz III — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 12:39:00 GMT

It has been at least a month since I had last exchanged words with all of you and I am just sick to my stomach. Will you ever forgive me?

I wish I could tell you I was away on vacation, getting married in Paris or studying for a big test—but alas, I have been at home… gaybernating.

At some point in every newly coupled gay man's life, you stray from the wolf pack and find yourself at home with your boyfriend doing only couple things. Eat, sleep, sex, date night, Ikea visits, sleep.

Gaybernation happens when you least expect it and—like a pair of your favorite sweatpants—it’s almost impossible to leave its comfort.

As I laid in bed the other day, the new fall chill outside and my boyfriend and I inside, I wondered If I could ever leave the confines of my apartment. What has become of me? Is this the part where I officially turn in my “Socialite Badge” and trade it in for a box of red wine, Russell Stover Chocolates and a Downton Abbey DVD gift set?

When it comes to settling into your relationship, do you ultimately settle for Snuggies and take-out—or is it just a phase?

I began to make a furious list of the nights I spent in vs. going out. On one side I wrote all the nights that I stayed in and the other side was my supposed adventures in West Hollywood:

“Work… work… work — stayed in."

“Movie…home by 9 — that’s definitely a stay in.”

“Work function….AH HA!” I went to dinner with my co-workers and we stayed out till 11! Definitely a “Went Out!”

Wait… that’s not a WeHo Night! Dammit!

My list was failing me in the most grandeous way. I wave my white flag. I have lost this round of reality vs. perception. I have moved out of 90210 and set up permanent residency in Melrose Place.

I used to say ‘When I’m older, I'm gonna be a cool guy.” Not to say that I don’t think of myself as cool. But I think I am now uber-conscious of being today’s most current version of older and cool.

I don’t want to be like that parent that wears underaged and inappropriate clothing. You know, like a mom that wears Juicy sweatsuits or a dad that wears Ed Hardy. (To be safe I have opted to go the cool Mr. Rogers route. It's half-hipster and half, well, gay.)

Now a moment to ponder my social outings…

Have my 30s forced me to trade in binge drinking and all night ragers for civilized dinners and double dates with other couples?

The answer is yes.

But, have I lost my edge, my keen awareness of youth, fashion and pop culture?

That answer is no.

I say, embrace! Yup, you heard me EMBRACE!

There is nothing wrong with indulging in the pleasures of being “older”—and because yes, you are wiser.

You have learned that although binge drinking, hookups and $100 bar tabs were once fun, you now would like a bigger return on your investment.

It took me a while to realize that two Sunday Fundays at The Abbey are equal to a brand-new pair of shoes from Barney’s! JESUS PEARL—I have been drinking my shoes! This is wisdom!

So listen, after many years of teen angst and more years of twentysomething life-pondering, I say lay back, relax! Keep the sweats on and enjoy the Saturdays with sleep and reverence! Who cares that you don’t go out every weekend. It’s time to celebrate the better part of what is happening in your life.

Love.

So as you stroll out this weekend to get your morning cup of Starbucks and you pass an obvious “Walk of Shame”… smile.

Remember, it's all a journey.

Till next blog,
David

For more on love and relationships, visit finding-cupid.com, and tune in to Finding Cupid Radio-LIVE, every Tuesday at 8 p.m. PST only on GVBRadio.com!

Smart in the Heart

David Cruz III — Sat, 11 Aug 2012 17:49:00 GMT

Over the course of my life, I have had the absolute privilege of meeting some very amazing and educated people. Whether they have been entertainers, writers, doctors or business owners, each one of them have brought a certain amount of awe to our conversation that I could never explain. It’s as if I am a starry-eyed 4-year-old meeting Mickey Mouse for the first time.

I love hearing them tell me about where they went to school, why they started their profession and the defining moments of their life that made them who they are. It’s exciting to think that at some point in life, somebody went to school with the next president, Olympian or CEO of a company.

It’s at that very moment when I think I have nothing in common with “Mr. or Mrs. Career” that we begin a conversation about relationships.

They would say things like “Relationships are hard for me” or “I met this guy who was married and I thought he was gonna leave his boyfriend,” and my personal favorite: “I was dating this great guy, but I broke it up because I couldn’t commit.”

And that’s when the playing field begins to level out a bit.

It’s that awkward moment when you realize a “record scratch” sound effect does have its place in real life.

With all their education…why do most people tend to be smart in the head but not smart in the heart?

I will be the first to acknowledge that book smarts does not mean life smart, nor does it amount to anything next to experience. But, I really need everyone to start making some educated decisions when it comes to matters of the heart.

I have long been accused as being man of “Yes or No Decision Making.” It’s a trait that I wholeheartedly give credit to my Virgo personality and many nights of watching Donald Trump on The Apprentice. (The only time I shall reference The Don.)

Honestly though people, it is as simple as “Yes or No."

Should one get into a relationship with someone still in a relationship? No.

Do I call someone back if I like them? Yes.

Should I go on dates if I’m not ready to settle down? No.

Is there such thing as love? Yes. Yes. Yes.

And please, spare me the “it’s complicated” angle—it bores me.

Every single one of us deserves a relationship that is beautiful, fulfilling and reciprocal. It is beyond comprehension that people can accept a bad person into their life (friendship or personal) or stay in one after the disclosure of a toxic personality.

We often tend to sell ourselves short on the type of person that we can have in our lives because of insecurities. It’s those insecurities that we must face head on in order to foster better relationships and better love. It always starts from within you!

So if your list of ex-lovers is looking more like a list of Street Fighter Characters than potential husbands, it’s time for a “Come To Jesus Moment” with yourself.

Let’s mix ourselves a refreshing Cupid Cocktail in order to get the right man! Here is how you do it:

Cupid's Cocktail
• 1 Bucket of Ice

Mostly this is to throw on yourself to wake you from your horrible track record.

• 1 part, Common Sense

This is to help you understand that good relationships start with people who are available!

• 1 part Book Smarts

This is to encourage you to use that inner nerd that is screaming for you to choose a husband, not a whore.

• A dash of Experience

This is to help remind you that the “rinse and repeat cycle” is for dirty laundry only and never for relationships.

And last but not least-—a big scoop of reality

To remind you that absolutely nothing in life comes easy, even relationships. You can never wish them into existence. You have to work at it and even when you find them you have to work even harder.

So as you head out to the bars this weekend and you find yourself being lured into the tractor beam of Mr.Sexy Hot/In A Relationship/Flirty/Alcoholic/No Direction/Fine Example of a Man—remember the Cupid Cocktail and use that moment to be “Smart In the Heart and Smart in the Head!”

Until Next Blog,
David

For more on love visit Finding-Cupid.com and tune into Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 8 p.m. PST exclusively on GVBRadio.com.

The New World of Gay Dating

David Cruz III — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 10:02:00 GMT

Once upon a time, dating in the gay world used to be pretty cut and dry. You find a guy, he likes you, you like him and BAM—you're moving into his apartment and picking out furniture at IKEA.

Well, since then things have changed a bit in our little bubble. We aren’t just gay anymore. We are bi, transgender, drag queens, parents, divorced and a slew of a hundred other things that I never could have imagined. It’s starting to sound more like the straight world, doesn’t it?

When was the last time, that as a gay man you had to worry about meeting a guy and liking him—only later to find out that he had kids! Gone are the good old days of worrying about vegetarians and drugs usage. This is the new age of gay rights, equality and forward movement. This is the new diversity in the old world of dating.

The other day a friend of mine made fun of me because I didn’t know what the word “Kai Kai” meant. Apparently I need a night to catch up on RuPaul’s Drag Race because aforementioned word was discussed there. (The term “Kai Kai” is a slang word used when describing how two drag queens hook-up or mess around.)

It was at that moment that I said to myself, You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy!

In this modern world of dating, we now have a checklist that consists of things to look for as well as avoid. We must take extra caution as we head into any hook-up scenario, as the stakes are higher. Could that ring on his finger be more than fashionable jewelry?

Think of it friends, you could (really) be a homewrecker!

Straight friends of mine always talk about how being gay is “THE LIFE!” Gay men go out, have lots of sex, have great paying jobs, spend all their money on themselves and never have to worry about the pressures of getting married or having kids.

I would always be slightly put off by this conversation. I knew that deep inside of me the gay culture was truly more than that. I, too, relished the day that I would be able to marry, settle down and adopt a few Malawian kids.

I argued that I didn’t live a “lifestyle” but I lived a life less certain of significant freedoms and rights, and I was simply trying to do my best to get by.

The conversation always became a seesaw of who lived a better life. It was always a rally of sex, kids, guy time, marriage and more sex! Why is it that, when talking to most men, living a perfect life is associated with having the most sex?

As awesome as those conversations used to be, I have the unfortunate duty of announcing that gay dating is no longer just fun and games.

Ladies and gentlemen—this is your wakeup call.

As we get closer and closer to nationwide marriage equality, we will begin to settle into what our straight counterparts refer to as “The Pressure."

In the past, gay dating used to be a never-ending honeymoon stage. Because we could not marry, there was never an expectation to make things official. But now, with gay men getting married all around us, one can only assume that your next boyfriend will be wanting you to “put a ring on it” and make him a husband!

That being said, must a gay man immediately schedule a lunch with his fag hag or do we grab a beer with our straight buddy? How do we know which side to take? Should we assume that after a few years of dating that we are headed down the aisle? Or do we take the advice of “The Guys” and run for the hills if a dude mentions kids and marriage?

With this new frontier ahead of us, one might say it's time to blaze a new trail—creating new archetypes, new role models for younger generations and fulfilling the dream of gay men and women before us who could not have this privilege.

This is a beautiful predicament we have made for ourselves. We finally got what we have been asking for all these years.

Are you ready?

For more on love visit Finding-Cupid.com and tune into Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 8 p.m. PST exclusively on GVBRadio.com.

Bros Before Hoes—Is That Really the Question?

David Cruz III — Fri, 25 May 2012 09:23:00 GMT

There was a time in my life where I was going out almost every night—it felt like at least six days a week. I was a grown man partying like I was a 19-year-old with a really good fake ID and an alcohol dependency. Life was good.

At my side were my two best friends and a gaggle of gorgeous women. We were a scene, a force and for all intents and purposes—fabulous! The only thing that we ever regretted were the photos we took on our camera phones. Those were often entertaining though. Who wouldn’t laugh at us at stacking jelly containers on a friend’s head that passed out at a diner? It was like a game of drunk Jenga!

Flash forward to today. I barely speak to any of my friends and it usually takes a divine intervention by God to make an outing that every single one of us can attend, you know—like “the good old days.”

I often wonder…what happened?

Thruugh the week I’ll see posts of my former besties out in the hood having fun drinking, taking pictures, tweeting, checking in on Facebook…you know, like the old times.

Did I do something to break our sacred bond?

Startled, concerned and now paranoid, I frantically attempted to reconnect every chance I had. After a few phone calls, text messages and a lunch later, it became obvious to me what the issue was.

I was in a relationship.

“You have your man now,” they would declare. “You’re doing your thing—we get it”.

My thing? Get what?

Let me make one thing very clear. I am not one of those people who drops off the face of the planet just because I met someone. As a matter of fact, I do everything I can to include everyone (boyfriend and friends) in all social outings.

So when all your efforts fail to rekindle the friendships of the “Old Single Self," I have to ask:

Are relationships and friends like oil and vinegar, forced to be together, but never truly mixing?

The transition from a Sexy Single to a Happily Coupled person is a very tricky maneuver, of which very few have mastered. Among the successful include Kate Middleton and Prince William, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and of course Beyonce and her wind machine.

(I had to.)

All I know is that there will come a point in your new “Happily Coupled” persona that you will have to take inventory of what friends have stuck around and transitioned into the new you, plus one.

If they are still by your side, congratulations, you have succeeded. You may not be doing tequila shots off of random strangers, and walks of shame every weekend, but you are still a party monster.

If they are not, then you must accept their decision and move on. The wolf pack has left you behind. This is not a sad thing—it's just a thing that happens and is sad.

Often times, single friends do not relate to who you are in a relationship. They find comfort in other single friendships because they too are “out on the prowl,” or maybe feel uncomfortable around you and the new BF.

Allow me to be distracted with a side note and some words of advice for both parties.

1. Advice for the newly coupled
Your friends are your friends. Never forget that. If you happen to be lucky enough to score a great relationship, DON’T FUCK UP YOUR FRIENDSHIPS! Nobody likes an overobsessed-making-PDA-reeling-talk-about-my-BF-all-day-long kinda person. You deserve to lose friends if this is you. Also, don’t expect the gang to be there for you if your relationships fails and you need to go running for a shoulder to cry on. Remember, ”Bros before Hoes!”

On the flip side, you also must do your diligence to make time for your friends. The wolf pack will automatically assume that you are at home in an apron making dinner and planning baby names. Let them know you are down for a night out with the gang and are buying the first round!

2. Advice for the Wolf Pack
If you have recently lost a vital part of the “crew” or are short a “wingman” because of Cupid—don’t freak out, all hope is not totally lost. Remember you can take the boy out of Boys Town, but you can’t take the party monster/alcoholic/frat guy out of your boy! Its just gonna take a bit of scheduling and a lot of faith. You too must do your part. If your friendship is worth anything, you’ll reach out.

On the flip side, if you don’t feel like nursing any friendships that can’t keep up to your Vegas planning/Grindr Monopoly-like life, then do both of you a favor: Be honest.

Let the former wingman know that you need to be buried in sin and booze. You’ll stop by on Facebook and say hello, but Mancave meetings with the new BF are not your thing. Let your truth set you free.

Yes, it’s a bit harsh to light a candle to and pour the gin on the graves of former besties, but it sure beats being frenemies! I mean, even Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are hanging out again.

Im just saying…You never know.

Until next blog,
David

For more on love and relationships, visit finding-cupid.com and tune into Finding Cupid Radio-LIVE, every Tuesday at 8 p.m. PST only on GVBRadio.com!

Stay The Course, Choose A Different Hue

David Cruz III — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 09:28:00 GMT

When I was 15, I had just lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend, I had three pairs of Air Jordans and I was trying to decide who was cooler—Debbie Gibson or Tiffany.

Life, on all accounts, was pretty normal.

That is, except for the fact that I was struggling with my sexual identity, had parents that were in the middle of a nasty divorce and I was an oldest child of five burdened with keeping the family maintained.

My mother was a former beauty queen-turned-full-time banker and my father a New England scholar who joined the military and went to the gym more than he went to his children’s school plays.

My siblings and I would always find the most entertaining ways to keep each other company. We often liked to make music videos of ourselves singing Paula Abdul songs and pretending that our dining room was a restaurant and I was a waiter. I would waste so much food creating “Specials of the Day” to add to my menu.

Looking back on all those snapshots in my early childhood, I never once thought that one day I would be so inspired by love.

One could say that I have spent my lifetime searching for something or someone to fill that parental void. One could also argue that my lack of childhood affection from my parents has me searching to give a love that I have never received. Hoping that one day, I may feel that love in return.

I’m sure there is some psychological term for all of those things. I just call it life baggage.

I may never know the real answers, but it’s the quest to understand where the issues come from and how to address them that is the road less traveled.

Love is a journey of self-discovery. Understanding your past is always key to understanding yourself and your future. Sure, you have been hurt before, and sure, you have dated people that were less than stellar, but does that mean you should give up?

No.

Though I am someone who didn’t come from a perfect upbringing or the most stellar nuclear foundation, I never used that as an excuse to give up. I turned every lemon into a tall pitcher of lemonade!

There are a million different options and variations of people, places and things in life. Just because a part of your life is challenged, that doesn’t mean that the rest of it will be doomed! It’s like saying all jeans fit the same way or that all colors of red are the same hue.

Pick yourself back up and try again. But take a moment to understand why you got there—that is the only way to learn!

I am often asked how I can stay so positive in life and how I can keep pushing forward, even after disappointment.

My answer is simple. I have a personal mantra.

“Life is a beautiful and amazing gift. I simply live each day with the understanding that with or without someone loving me, I have the obligation to live every minute in this life to its fullest potential. No matter who lets me down, who fails me or how hard things may get, I must live this life with no regrets.”

I encourage you to write that on a piece of paper. Keep it in your book, your wallet or on the fridge. Help it remind you that all things in life are possible, including love. Don’t ever give up.

Take a moment to understand your life, where you come from and what challenged you. In this understanding of your journey will come a bright light to your path ahead. It will help you navigate a course to pursuing inner happiness, the right partner for you and the right life—according to what you need—and not what people expect from you.

So keep trying on those jeans, until a pair fits—and keep deciding on what shade of red works best for you. Maybe all this time you were buying the wrong fit and color. The perfect one may be just another try away.

Happy shopping.

The Day “How” Changed Everything

David Cruz III — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 09:44:00 GMT

Well friends, welcome back—there is much to catch you up on.

I want to start by issuing a formal apology (which could very well be my second one this year) for being a bit behind on my blogging, my advice and my adventures. You see, I’ve been a bit busy "practicing what I preach" so to speak.

I’ll spare you all the sugary-coated details (for now) and get right to the point.

I have been dating an extremely wonderful guy for the last six months and we have taken a major step in our relationship and have officially moved in together.

(Insert general crowd cheer here)

Are you still with me? Good. I’m just getting started.

It was a little over six months ago that he and I met. I have to say it has been an absolute pleasure to get to know him, hang out with him, and yes, wake up next to him.

It’s always nerve-racking when I, David Cruz III, Mr. Cupid himself, heads to the trenches to date. I often feel that my affinity for love screams out something like: “IM A CRAZY CAT LADY” or “I WANT KIDS AND MARRIAGE BEFORE MY GAY UTERUS SHRIVELS UP ”

That’s how I feel at least.

Maybe the first date with me isn’t really that big of a deal—but I do have a journalistic responsibility to you (my readers) to be an inspiration and a leader on the right thing to do. And yes, before you say it, moving in after six months is a little trigger happy of me—but I know that I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t feel 100 percent right about it.

Moving on.

You know that thing they say about how you know when its right… I know that feeling now. But for the record it wasn’t without its own challenging journey.

I am someone whose relationship life has been sprinkled with highs and lows. I share every one of these moments with all my readers, in hopes that I can put some perspective on this crazy world of love and dating.

So for those who follow—it’s been a long time coming, this moment. This so called “feeling” and it feels amazing.

Both cautious and strategic we moved forward into dating. At first just casual, then systematic and then it was sleepover city!

Naturally as time progressed and weeks turned into months, I started to ask myself the paranoid questions like:

Will this pass the two-week test? Will he lose interest? I wonder if he’s serious? Does he have online accounts that I should know about? Are we exclusive?

My brain started to swell with insecurities and paranoia! It was the most annoying thing on Earth! Why do we get this way? What makes a completely sane and secure person fall apart when they meet someone? When will we ever stop thinking that we are not worthy of the universe giving us something we deserve?

When I was a young journalist I was taught about the “Five W’s (Who, What, Where, When, Why)—They were the most important questions that one must ask in order to “get the complete story.” If you failed to ask all of those questions your story would be incomplete and you ultimately, as a student, would fail the class.

So, as I sat in paranoia, deep in newfound insecurities, I wondered—Was it the five W’s that once gave me passing scores in college that now curse my dating life?

I couldn’t (not) ask these questions. After all it’s only the obvious and responsible thing to do.

But what about my other friends who were not journalists? Why did the social worker, the architect and the businessman all ask the same questions and have the same insecurities?

Deep inside were we all really Pulitzer Prize-winning journalists?

Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. The answer was simple and also part of my studies as a young journalist. You see when they taught us about the “Five W’s” they also taught us about “How”—the sixth line of questioning.

My professor often said “How” will often put things in perspective. So I put that thought to work. Instead of asking myself who, what, where, when and why—I simply said, How?

How will I move forward? How did I grow from my past relationships? How can I stop thinking about the details? How do I just have fun?

And most importantly…how do I just trust?

Once I did that, the rest was easy. The “How’s” helped me come up with a solid game plan and allowed me to purge myself of those toxic thoughts and questions. It gave me back my sanity, security and confidence.

As always, “How” is just as much work. It will challenge your current beliefs. But what have you got to lose? A good paradigm shift is always good.

In the end I always defer back to a quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem:

Hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Oh Alfred…you were so smart.

My boyfriend and I recently celebrated six months together with dinner at home. We exchanged cards and I bought him a big bouquet of flowers. It was quite special. Now, when I look back in hindsight at all my paranoia, my insecurities and silliness—the only question that lingers is…why?

Till next blog,
David

For more on love, head to Finding-Cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. on Global Voice Broadcasting, gvbradio.com.

Back to the Drawing Board

David Cruz III — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 17:21:00 GMT

Well, my friends, you survived yet another Valentine's Day.

One would say unscathed—yes, emotional—maybe and stronger—definitely! As with anything, looking back in hindsight at what was once thought to be a mountain of a personal challenge turned out to be just molehill of silliness.

As I have said before, Valentine's Day is simply a celebration of Love. It is not an emotional audit of how you are capable of relating in life, it’s simply a celebration. One can celebrate all types of love like self-love, love of friends, family and human kind. Yes, the Hallmarks of the world will market the occasion as a day for lovers, but if you look closely at those card aisles they also have cards for friends, family and co-workers. We just need to read between the lines.

Remember when we were kids and you and your parents would stay up all night making those cheesy little cards to give to classmates? I must have made a thousand of those and couldn’t wait to pass them out to friends at school. Of course, not everyone was as excited about the New Kids On The Block cards I was passing out, but to each his own. My point is, we must remember to not put too much emphasis on who we are giving love too, but why.

So back to the drawing board we go.

As a belated Valentine's treat, I made a special card for everyone. If you’re single, its a very special reminder of the work we have to do with you personally. If you are in a relationship, it is a reminder that you must not forget who you are—to celebrate your individuality.

So who is this elusive you I speak about?

Well, let's start with the “Single You"—the person who has been longing for a relationship and has yet to find the special someone. My Valentine's Day card asks you to take a moment to reflect on your life, its direction and in dating, its decisions.

Some questions to ponder:

Are you dating or just sleeping around? Are you “always” dating the wrong kind of people like “bad boys” or the “Non-Committal”?

I have always believed that one must start with yourself and be 100 percent secure with your life in order to be in a successful relationship. If you are unhappy with your job that unhappiness will spill over into a relationship. If you are unhappy with your weight, that will also spill over as an “insecurity” and become a toxic enemy.

You must wipe the slate clean to move forward. Face your demons no matter how hard it seems.

Now, for all my friends in relationships I ask that you remember “You.” I have seen far too many times that people fall hard and fast when they meet someone. The thrill of a relationship is fantastic but equally blinding as well. You often forget who you are and what your personal interests are.

Remember those nights of watching Sex & The City for hours? How about hanging with the old gang, grabbing drinks, shopping? Or the hours spent in front of the mirror singing with the hairbrush to New Kids On The Block songs? No? Well, I’m sure if you tried it you wouldn’t judge. It’s everything.

The point is, all these simple things define who you are and it’s important to keep them as part of the thread of your life.

Take a moment, revisit “you” and engage in some of the things that make you happy as an individual, before there were “both of you.” Your partner should respect this, after all, I’m sure there are things that he likes to do too. Maybe they like New Kids on The Block. (OK—fine, I’ll stop.)

So, like all the determined people headed to the gyms to work their winter weight of, all of us are going to head back to the drawing board to revisit our love of self. It too will be just as satisfying as dropping a few waist sizes, fitting into your old skinny jeans or being able to dance drunk in your Speedo at a pool party hosted by porn stars. I’m just saying.

Till next blog,
David

For more love, head to Finding-Cupid.com or check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on Global Voice Broadcasting. Visit gvbradio.com for show times and schedules.

Time to Grow Up

David Cruz III — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 09:40:00 GMT

What a fantastic month January is turning out to be for love.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s the residual champagne from New Year's still circulating in our veins, or if it’s the thought that the Mayans might actually be right and we must find love now (or die in the apocalypse—alone), but something is in the air.

Whatever the reason may be, I have recently found myself enjoying an overwhelming amount of Facebook status changes and announcements that people indeed are “In a Relationship."

Maybe this year the new resolution is not “to lose weight” or “to get a better job,” but the resolve is to “be happy." I often think that maybe that’s going to be the big “Ah-ha” moment at the end of this year—the world doesn’t end…we all just find love.

High on the fumes of new loves and status changes, friends and I went out this past weekend into West Hollywood to drink like we were 21 again. After all, love is a good reason to celebrate (at least that’s what I was going with).

“Cheers to love,” I’d happily announce!

Drink after drink, toast after toast and shot after shot—hearts inevitably began to reveal their deepest desires.

(OK, that was too pretty of a picture.)

What I meant to say was: As my friends and I got more wasted, the drunk stories and woes of the single person's heart came a-knocking at Mr. Cupid's door.

Each story seemed to start very in a very promising way—but always ended with some massive red flag.

Do they hear themselves telling me this story? How will I respond? Do people really like being choked during sex?

Side note: Have you ever noticed that people love to have serious questions with you when you’re super drunk?

Anyhow—as the stories were getting more intense, I began to take note of the ones that bothered me the most.

1. “He loves me—but he’s just getting out of a relationship.”

2. “We met on Grindr and he wanted to have sex before we went to dinner.”

or my favorite…

3. “He doesn’t really want anything serious right now—so we are just having sex, exclusively.”

Oy Vey!

I know it takes two to tango so I won't go completely ape shit on just one person—but I’m really starting to find it very hard to understand gay men and the dumb, child-like and seemingly unaware things that they do.

Now, I may drink like a 21-year-old, but that is usually the cap on my irresponsibility as a grown up. I refuse to be blissfully unaware of the truth that is right in front of me.

In my opinion, most gay men act like they just turned 21 in all aspects of their life, especially dating.

If you are between the ages of 18 and 25, you have a free pass to acting the way you do—most people older than you will chalk it up to your immaturity.

The early 20s are supposed to be a battleground sprinkled with the trial and errors of sex, drugs, heartbreak and ass-backwardness. Enough said.

But after 25, you should start to build a filter to which half of all those bad decisions should never happen again and the consciousness of being “a grown up” should kick in if they ever start to.

In layman’s terms, no more dancing on the bars and dating people who are unavailable.

Why… WHY.. Whhhhy on God’s green earth is it ever acceptable to:

(and here is where we start this neverending list of mine)

To be 50 and to date a 20-year-old?

(You have nothing in common with them and even though I’m sure they have more abs than an Abercrombie Model—it's just gross! Date somebody your age!)

To be 20 and to date a 50-year-old?

(You have daddy issues, or issues because you like Daddies. Mostly, it’s just gross. I’ll save you a few months of wondering here and spare you the inevitable grief. He is just using you for sex! Dump him!)

To date anyone who is just fresh from a divorce, or is still in process of getting one.

(The only way for you to understand the true impact of this kind of relationship is to paint it on a white wall—in red.)

And last, but certainly not least…

To think that anyone you meet on Grindr wants a relationship.

(Anyone who thinks that Grindr is a great way to meet “Mr. Right” is mentally challenged. Like in a way that science has yet to figure out how dumb you are, so they created a task force called “Idiot X.”)

People—it’s time that Cupid got real with all of you.

I will no longer sugar coat any of this advice for you because you simply don’t get it.

It's time to wake up and feel the slap in the face I’m going to give you this year. It is my hope that you will all follow some very simple advice. Remember that list I told you to make last week? How is that going?

For all of you smart enough to follow along, it's gonna be a great year.

We are going get you back on track and Cupid is here to help.

So let's start making some changes. Starting with the obvious ones: You will no longer accept that being blissfully aware of the toxic men you are dating is an acceptable posture.

Are you still with me? Good. Now get started on that list of “never again's”—you’ll be glad you did.

Till next blog,
David

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. PST exclusively on gvbradio.com.

New Year, New Love

David Cruz III — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 10:05:00 GMT

Like many others, you have probably spent the last few days thinking about what you are going to do differently this year. You and I are among the many millions of people that look back at the last year and scrutinize every detail of what we need to change. We make resolutions to be better people, to be more physically inclined and yes—to be better in the world of love.

This annual task of resolving to be “better at, stronger than and more of” is a daunting task, but worth the individual scrutiny. There are very few times in a person’s life when one takes an inventory of accomplishments and failures and uses it to map out a new year.

In the simplest of terms, everybody gets another chance (even in love), no matter what.

So, as we look back in hindsight at the last year, don’t beat yourself up over love, but give yourself a pat on the back. You got through another year of learning, experimenting and understanding.

I have always said that “love” is a journey. As we get older and experience more relationships (good and bad) we learn from all of them. Each one a newer and grander resource of education for us as we seek that perfect person to accompany us in our lives.
It’s like taking an English class in school. One usually starts with the basics—and eventually you find yourself in Literature 101—the college intro stuff. So as we begin a new year, use this moment to remind yourself to be a better student, take better notes and listen closely to the lessons being taught.

I always find that those who are challenged (in love) tend to be those who are not good students. They find ways to cut corners, (date losers,) cheat on exams, (date people half their age) and miss class all together (date losers half their age).

Friends this is my wakeup call for all of you who did not find love in the last year. This is also my wakeup call for those of you who found what you thought was love, but ended up single on New Year's Eve with a six-pack of light beer and camo print Snuggi.

We need to stop the insanity. Together we are going to make it a very different year.

My first request is this: Make a list of things you will never do again.

Make it specific like:

1. I will not go out on blind dates (nobody ever knows my taste).

2. I will not date a vegan. (I like meat and will never give it up.)

3. I will not date an actor. (Although hot and great arm candy, it's like dating a child and you my friend are pushing 40.)

Then I also want you to make a list of ten personality traits you want in your ideal mate. I want this list to speak solely to personality—and nothing physical. So the list should read something like this:

1. My future husband has a great sense of humor.

2. My future wife loves romantic comedies.

3. My future boyfriend loves to cook.

4. My future girlfriend loves children.
 
The purpose of these two lists is to make sure that you navigate through 2012 with a clear idea of what you “don’t want” and what you actually appreciate in a lover. (Yes, I said lover.)

When you’re done with these lists, put them on your fridge or a mirror where you can see them all the time. DO NOT THROW THIS LIST AWAY!

Remember what I said about being a better student? This is one of those moments!

Alrighty—get to work. There is much to be done.

Next week we will talk threesomes … I KID … kinda.

Until next blog,
David

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio, every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com!

Single Life Previous

David Cruz III — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 09:21:00 GMT

Remember that time on Sex and The City when Carrie couldn’t leave “the Russians” house and subsequently missed lunch with her gals and was behind in all her work?

Confession—I have become that girl—I mean, guy.

Why, when we finally meet someone who we adore, do we inevitably fall into a downward spiral of shameless absenteeism from our life previous?

Remember that thing in your bag—it's called a planner. You don’t use it anymore, except maybe to draw hearts on your anniversary date.

How about those friends of yours, do you see them anymore? Or has leaving them a “Miss You” with 10 exclamation marks on Facebook seem to be the remedy for that? (Why do people abuse punctuations?)

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Do you see what has become of you?

You have gone from a strong independent person to a subservient househusband! Even things like doing dishes and taking out the trash are fun for you as long as you can squeeze in some PDA. You revel in kisses with Trash Day, smooches while scrubbing the shower and oh yes—hugs for walking the dog. You embarrass me, but I love you.

At some point you must come up for air and in my (and Carrie’s) case, we had to get back to writing.

So to the point I go—when you realize you have all but forgotten your “Single Life Previous” is there no going back or do we grow into an equally entertaining but coupled version of that person?

I have always vowed that I would never be “that guy," but here I am, nesting. If it wasn’t for the metaphorical finger on the pulse of love I write about, I'd probably disappear into a weird world of hoarding and coupon cutting.

I actually can’t decide what woke me from my coupled slumber. It’s a toss between the fact that I cannot properly get dressed anymore (since I’m never home) and the three chocolate croissants I just baked and ate…All. By. Myself.

Don’t get me wrong this is not a bragging moment. I am not any better than anyone. I simply want to make sure that all my loyal readers keep one very simple thing in mind—individuality.

I have long seen friends go down the path of “coupledom” and lose all perspective of who they are. You are unique individuals whose “Single Life Previous” was an attractive part of your personality. Your current beau must respect where you came from and where you are headed; otherwise, your relationship will never last.

The sign of a healthy relationship is being able to have time apart and doing the things that you like separate from your love bug. It is true what they say about you know…

“Absence does make the heart grow fonder.”

So In case your reading this and realized you haven’t called your friends in a few weeks or that you and your boyfriend LOVE going on runs together because you get sweaty and lord know that’s a great excuse to take your close off and have sex—this is your wake-up call.

Your “Single Life Previous” is calling you. Go out with the gang, get wasted and dance your ass off! Lord knows you need the cardio after that last batch of croissants.

Till next blog,
David

For more on love and dating, head to Finding-Cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio, every Tuesday at 2 p.m., exclusively on gvbradio.com.

Dear Gay Men, Stop Being Pussies!

David Cruz III — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 09:14:00 GMT

Last week I had the pleasure of being invited to a gay single night out called “L.A. Guy Gokon." By Japanese definition, a Gokon is a casual singles matchup party, usually reserved for straight people. The L.A. Guy Gokan is for gay guys.

Now, even though Facebook and I agreed that my “relationship status” has changed, I thought this would be an excellent way of getting some of my single friends out to have fun and meet new people.

According to my friend hosting the event, L.A. Gokon would offer a more relaxed and casual environment for guys to relax, eat, drink AND get a little karaoke on! (For the record, if there is karaoke, I’m there!) What a brilliant idea I thought!

So to my cell phone, Facebook and emails I went a wrangling. A man on a mission, I set out with all my cupid powers to get my best of (single) friends together! As I dialed and typed my little heart away, I thought this was going to be the easiest thing to do and we were going to walk in there and literally bring the party!

But alas, the call of cupid seemed to fall on deaf ears as call after call seemed to be turned down and person after person seemed to feel uncomfortable with a “singles party."

As I sat in my room, phone in one hand, laptop in the other feeling defeated, I began to get a little frustrated.

Why wasn’t anyone into the idea of going to a singles night?

Why, with every conversation, was I made to feel as if an actual (one on one night) away from the bars of West Hollywood was—kind of passé?

After all, weren’t these the same guys who were constantly wishing to meet the right guy? The same guys who wished that there were a better alternative to using Grindr everyday? The same people who begged for cupid’s magic to work on them?

Why then, when opportunity was knocking at their door, did they not care to at least try something new, something different and more human?

I like to think that gay men have an innate sense of fearlessness. We do many things on a daily basis that challenges the stereotypical “alpha male” mold. So, when it comes to taking a chance on a “singles night,” why was it like asking to do a month-long abstinence pledge?

I mean—really?

I often want to write an open letter to gay men that starts:

“Dear Gay Men of L.A., stop being pussies! You are always complaining of wanting love but always engage in behavior that is opposite of that.”

Or my other favorite letter:

“Dear Gay Men, You're no better than the straight dicks when you act like one.”

I think maybe its time to finish those letters just so that we can focus a bit more. To get back to what we are really, truly and desperately wanting—something meaningful.

I often think about what my parents used to tell me when I was a little kid, “If you put enough time and effort into something, you will reap the benefits of all your hard work.”

Turning on Grindr at Starbucks does not count as hard work in the land of dating—you can do better than that.

For the record, I had an amazing time at the L.A. Guy Gokon and so did my friends that came with me. So when the next one comes around I better see you there. Although, if you are a karaoke hog, I may have to kill you.

Till next time,
Cupid

For more on love, head to Finding-Cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com.

The Grass Is Always Cuter

David Cruz III — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 11:02:00 GMT

When I first moved to LA, I was told that people here suffer from what can only be described as “the inability to settle.” This mental and physical challenge is probably the root cause of why many relationships end and not their bustling careers as otherwise noted in most medical studies.

As swift as Hollywood taps new “IT” gals every season, the city has made an infamous habit of dropping their current flavor of the month to take on the newer hotter piece of ass. It’s a sickness and I dare you to disagree.

I am currently dating one of the most amazing guys on the planet at the moment. He makes me laugh, he is sweet and yes, he’s cute. But, as I experienced on a recent hike with him to Runyon Canyon, there are always going to be a million more guys out there that look hotter, have more abs and have nicer cars than the both of us. But, for the first time in my 35 years of dating I was confident enough to say that I understood that the “grass will always be greener”—and didn’t care.

You see, when you finally meet someone that changes your life in such a way that it's “mind-blowing,” you don’t care about Polly Miss Perfect and Six Pack Sam.

*Incidentally Polly and Sam are also friends with Hanna Hot Pants, the mother who pushes her baby stroller up the canyon in ass-baring boy shorts, and Marcus the Model, the gorgeous actor/model/bartender at the W Hotel who walks up the canyon as if he’s practicing for a fashion show. Point here is they are all ridiculously good-looking and silly to observe.

But back to the “green grass."

Yes, there will always be perfect specimens of the Human Race out there—but at the end of the day what is it that really matters to you? Abs or love?

Now, I’m going to try and pretend for a second that nobody in life is shallow and that none of us think that looks don’t ever factor into our choice of mate. But alas they do.

I want a spouse that cares about their looks and health just as much as the next person, but those attributes shouldn’t be governing decision. On the flipside you shouldn’t date a hoarder either.

Let me let you in on a little secret: Personality is everything.

Now while I’m lucky to have a guy that is great looking and sweet, his personality is his Trump Card. He makes me laugh when I’m not expecting too, he’s a damn good cook and he’s amazingly considerate. There are times when we are just laying next to each other chatting about the most random things and its fun.

(And queue the Waiting To Exhale soundtrack)

When I end up old and gray, barely even able to lift a 10-pound weight at the gym, I want him there. Next to me, making me laugh. I shudder to think of what 70-year-old body with abs and a spray tan will look like (see Jack La Lanne for image). Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but I just think that conversation will go a long way when you get to a certain age.

I often reflect back to when I was in my teens and nothing mattered, I dated without consequence or strategy. When I got to my twenties, I started to get a little pickier, but still with little regard to my real needs. Now, well into my 30s, I am happy to say its all about longevity, and gusto and—dare I say this—marriage.

There is much to be said about age and wisdom. No matter how wise you think you are or how independent you can be, time (along with experience) has a funny way of teaching you lessons that will be more important to you than anything else that will come your way.

So to all the Sam Six packs and Polly Perfect Tits out there—do your thing! I only hope that you too find someone just as wonderful to laugh with at the end of the day.

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com.

A Wedding About Love & Not the Kardashians

David Cruz III — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 11:15:00 GMT

Yesterday I had the amazing pleasure to attend the wedding of one of my oldest and dearest friends. Armed with the excitement and curiosity of a 10-year-old boy at Space Camp, I headed to Laguna Beach for a classic wedding at sunset.

As I took my seat and eagerly anticipated the arrival of the bride—I couldn’t help but play out in my mind how the rest of the evening was going to go. My head began to swell with question after question, all of them competing to be answered before the other.

Would their vows be heavy with commitment and love? Would either of them cry? Am I getting sun burned by this sunset? Will there be a full bar or just wine?

Too many questions and not enough answers.

Just as I was about to explode from the 200^th question forming, music began to fill the outdoor terrace with the song “Marry Me" By Train—predictable, yes—but highly effective.

As the bridesmaids made their entrance, clad in gorgeous navy dresses, which seemed made for more of runway than an aisle at a wedding, my heart began to race with excitement. SHOW ME THE BRIDE! (My inner gay shouted!) SHOW ME, DAMMIT!

Then, with perfection, the bride appeared in a gorgeous gown, a bustier top and ruffled mermaid bottom. I was speechless and I glowed with happiness and pride for not just a friend, but for a person who had found love.

The bride was escorted down the aisle by her elderly father whose eyes were filled with tears of joy. As if he had waited to see this day all his life. His youngest and last daughter was getting married.

It was that very look that created a domino effect of tears among the crowd, the wedding party and the bride. She could barely hold herself together. Her smiles were challenged by tears of joy and her inability to breathe and see her fiancé waiting to take her hand. This moment was everything. This is why I love weddings.

With such amazing amounts of emotions in the air, I began to wonder why people ever started talking trash about relationships, weddings and love.

When did special moments like these ever take a backseat to scandalous tabloid couples and the Kardashian sisters?

Lets take a moment to talk about those Kardashians.

While I am sure they are all sweet women, in my opinion, they represent what I can only describe as junk food television. America’s obsession with all things Kardashian (including last night's Wedding Episode) only fuels our disillusionment with what is real and what is reality. Now, wishing that the Kardashians did some sort of UN Peacekeeping work or that they could do anything else but sell us beauty would be a stretch—I understand this. But, In my opinion, there is no accountability on their behalf for glamorizing their lives and not teaching any good lessons to their impressionable fanbase. This includes taking time to get to know someone and really preach what it takes to make a real relationship work.

Love was never meant to have a “very special episode” on E! or a guest list of 200 and gown by Vera Wang. It was meant to be something quite simple. Maybe that’s where we have lost our direction.

Maybe its also our insatiable appetite for technology that gives us "fast everything” that has thwarted our ability to think clearly when we approach relationships.

We cannot put love on a fast plan. It just does not work that way.

So to all those romantics still out there. Pace yourselves. You will find that you will discover all sorts of things in the slower lane of the relationship highway. It's all those little things that make walking down the aisle so overwhelming, so special and so full of joy.

Here’s to all of us having a joy inspired and tear filled walks down our own wedding paths.

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com.

Gay Birthdays—Are They A Death Sentence?

David Cruz III — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I recently celebrated my 35th birthday this past week, and I got to thinking about the very honest realities that I will be facing as I head into the “adult age” of my life—aka The 40s.

Questions come to mind like:

“Should I throw dinners instead of parties?”

“Should I switch from magazines to newspapers?”

And last but not least…

“Should I start buying anti-aging face cream” (You know—all the important ones.)

Now, while I’m never usually anyone to subscribe to any sort of societal demand, I do pause to think about them. My last question was recently put to rest when I discovered one of my birthday gifts was a bottle of Chanel face cream.

Hint taken.

According to the latest report on consumer spending, last year people in the United States spent a little over 10.1 billion dollars on skincare alone! It’s my assumption that A LOT of people turned 35 last year and had amazingly gracious friends that headed to the skincare counters at their nearest Barneys NY for gifts.

I had no Idea that we really do subscribe—and subscribe deep we do.

But when it comes to being a single gay man in West Hollywood, is skincare only part of the battle?

With people looking younger and staying in peak physical shape nowadays, it’s often hard to tell anyone’s real age anymore. So when our society started to coin phrases like “40’s the new 30," I got to wondering if I even should care anymore.

Gay men often joke about when you get to a certain age, it’s all downhill. You are no longer the spring chicken, the cute Twinkie or the hot muscled party boy—you are simply...old.

So is it the age that we are afraid of—or is it the idea that in our slightly shallow head that nobody will think we are cute anymore? I think it’s all of the above.

In gay culture we are taught to look like an Abercrombie model, dress like a Gucci model and eat like a runway model (which incidentally is nothing). There is no current example of a gay over-the-hill role
model that embodies all of the stereotypes that our culture makes us subscribe too.

Why are we so obsessed?

While I do recommend that everyone do some sort of physical fitness to stay in shape and feel good. I will never condone things like Botox and facelifts. I think all men look distinguished as they get older and the more pulled and sandpapered you become the less masculine you are. Do you really think that a pulled, non-moving face on a 60 year old body looks normal anyway?

(Sigh)

I’m bound and determined to break some stereotypes and be a pioneer in the world of love and perception. This is not a simple task. I’ll be the first to admit it. But I think in time we will all see the small changes. I hope you stay along for the ride.

Until next blog,

David

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com.

The Big Reveal

David Cruz III — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Admit it. You have done it before.

You meet a really great guy (or gal) and after numerous exchanges of flirts and obvious interest, you break and give your number out.

We always ask for first and last name, you know, so you can have one's complete contact information stored in your phone!?

Lie.

What we secretly do is go home and do what I love to call my favorite guilty pleasure—“Google Stalk.”

You try to find as much information as possible to see if there is any red flag that you should be prepared for. One can never be too careful these days.

I usually start with the Facebook pictures and proceed to see what other social media links I can find. Twitter is like a godsend. I mean—it’s like a direct link into that person’s thoughts.

Fast forward five hours of CSI cyber-stalking and your new guy is clean. Date two and three progress to weeks of dating and here you are—the first night of sex together.

That’s when the unthinkable happens—the big reveal. He likes to be tied up and gagged.

What do you do?

It’s like you are trapped in an episode of Worst Case Scenario and there is 30 seconds on the clock to win a million dollars. If you were like most people (myself included) you put on an Oscar-winning performance of “Yes, I’m really into this” and get the hell out of dodge as soon as it’s over.

Needless to say you never speak to Mayor of Crazy Town again and pray, PRAY, you never get wasted and find yourself playing a game of “I Never” with anyone who knows that secret!

The golden rule is always: Opportunity + Alcohol + Juicy Embarrassing Secret = Public Shame.

According to my research, there are at least 47 types of documented sexual fetishes—not including the infinite types of regular fetishes that exist in the world. Most of them I understand. I’m a butt man myself, but that’s pretty normal, right? Though I think that’s more appreciation than fetish.

But what happens when you are a person with one of the 47 fetishes? Does it make finding a partner harder in this world? Forget the trials of finding a person who is simply trying to settle down and raise a family. Throw in the fact that you are an Inflatophile (a person who is aroused by inflatable toys or balloons) and you find yourself in a bit of a conundrum. Finding Cupid just got a bit harder.

Then, on the flipside, you’re the person who just fell head over heels for the six feet of gorgeous surgeon who has treated you like a king from day one. He wants kids, you want kids and he wants you to dress like a robot when you have sex (Robot fetishism— I kid you not). I mean, everybody is obsessed with Apple products! How could you have known?!

Does one run for the hills when we find a fetish or do we stay because we have fallen in love? Does our perception of 'normalcy' prevent us from having a loving relationship or is it...just too weird?

Come what may, I think we all roll with the punches as they are delivered. It’s unhealthy for us to be paranoid every time we meet a person. My advice is proceed with caution and do all the fact-checking that you can to prevent any obvious surprises. As the old saying goes, “Most birds of a feather flock together," so the chances of you meeting a severe fetish is pretty slim...

Right?

Until Next Blog,

David

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com.

Unplug, Live, Love

David Cruz III — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Last night I escaped from Los Angeles and headed to the Westside. I wanted to get a bit of beach time in and knew that the calming sounds of the ocean and the fresh air would do me some good. All my friends that live in the Santa Monica area swear by the beach life and I agree. It's calming, relaxing and all the things that city life is not.

I had this plan that I was going to unplug, unwind and not think about work, love or anything for matter. I just wanted to have a moment with myself.

According to the weather channel, the sunrise was at 6:15 a.m. on the West Coast, so with great excitement I set my alarm for 5:45 a.m., allowing for some snooze or "back out" time as I call it. I was going to rise with the sun, connect with God or the universe, or something crazy and cosmic. You know, the stuff they tell you in magazines.

At about 6 a.m. I strolled out onto the beach. My beat up Yankees cap covering my bed head and gray sweats covering the rest of my body. There was only a hundred feet that separated me from from the quiet sounds of the waves crashing onto shore—this was the life.

As I sat in the cold sand and stared breathless and in awe of the serene landscape before me, my eyes woke with the beauty of the ocean and the peaceful sight of the sun. It was that moment I realized that "this" is what's missing from people's lives.

A connection.

We often don't allow ourselves to rest, relax and stop thinking about "stuff" and "things." For those muddled in work, or family or obligations, the opportunity to relax often fades with our ability to appreciate all the little things in life.

So how do we know when to stop, and love ourselves, in order to love life?

I am just like many people—a workaholic. I work seven days a week and find that sleeping is second fiddle to planning my next meeting, socializing and often changing clothes. I sometimes feel that my home is a place where I shower and shave, instead of make dinner and read. The reality is that we forget that we are able to unplug—even if it's just for a moment.

I took my phone with me this morning to only capture the sunrise, then I turned it off and took it all in.

Love is life, my friends and life is love.

If we cannot understand the beauty of the two and appreciate them, then we cannot understand them together.

If you are not able to take a moment to appreciate life for yourself, then you are not able to appreciate life with another person. You see, love—like life—is about all those little moments: a kiss, a look, a letter, a memory.

We must start loving the little moments in our lives as much as we love the bigger ones. You can't take money, cars, houses or expensive clothes with you when you die, but love—that lasts forever.

I believe that all the little moments in our lives are going to come together in a great document when this is all said and done. I want every little moment to be beautiful and simple and amazing.

So whether its the sunrise on the beach, the two-hour drive along the coast or just a dinner at home with no TV, cell phone or Facebook. Take back your life for just one moment! Allow yourself to reconnect with the fact that you are a human being, and that life is indeed around you, small and grand.

These moments will allow clarity and peace. These moments will allow you to understand what really matters in life and love.

Carpe Diem!

Till next blog,

David

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com.

Now Casting: The Perfect Lover

David Cruz III — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 00:00:00 GMT

Los Angeles, a city sprinkled with starry-eyed hopefuls, talent to spare and enough dreamers to fill a hundred auditoriums. We are indeed a city devoted to the big and small screen, the fashion industry and anything else we can call a close cousin to the business of Hollywood. Angelenos are indeed "The Industry."

No matter what title you have in this town—an actor, a writer or a
camera man—your life is organically (and without apology) attached to how we keep the lights of Hollywood bright and beautiful.

So when it comes to the notion of relationships, do we forget that we are everyday people and forget how to approach love—without a camera, stage direction or a publicist?

I spend many nights trying to answer the rhetorical question of "Why is it so hard to date in L.A.?"

A question that in the motion of dating, heartbreak and in many conversations I have had with people becomes harder to answer as each day goes by.

So is it really the question that we ourselves cannot answer?

Or is it that we have become so consumed in what we do and who we are that we have forgotten how to be anything else—but a casting director, a producer or an musician? We cannot "turn off" the day job and put on the "me' hat no matter how hard we try.

I wonder if one is a director, can they take their director's hat off and let a date play out without thinking of a perfect scene and how it would play out. If one is in casting, is it possible for them to stop trying to find "the perfect person" for the role and look for just someone who will love them? And what about the stylists? Are they able to date someone who doesn't dress well? Or will they try to change them—make them better?

Is the real problem of dating in L.A. really... ourselves?

I think it's time to take a moment to reflect on what we really want out of someone who we date. Asking ourselves the honest and hard questions like, Will they love me after my outer beauty fades, my hit records stop selling and when all the roles have been taken? Will they love me for me and have I given them enough of the real me to know and understand?

It's my hope that we step out from behind the camera and into the reality of a life spent with someone who just wants to be around us and love us.

Till next blog,

David

For more on love, head to finding-cupid.com and check out Finding
Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2 p.m. exclusively on gvbradio.com.

Carmageddon of the Heart

David Cruz III — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 00:25:00 GMT

In Los Angeles we have a history of doing things in a pretty grand way. Whether its moviemaking, building large mansions in the Hollywood Hills or the amount of plastic surgery we can schedule in a year—we like to go big in every way. So when the city of Los Angeles announced that they were closing down a major freeway for two days, it wasn't so much of a shock as it was business as usual.

They are calling it "Carmageddon"—a state of panic, disarray and gridlock that will beseige the entire city and throw us all into a complete clusterfuck of cars (and people) desperate for a way to navigate. What will we do? Where will we go? How will we survive?

Oh....the tragedy!

Like many things in life, it's my opinion that we will ultimately survive and realize that there was a lot of fuss over nothing. There are still streets open, things to do, places to drive to, and yes, other freeways to get on.

So is it just our natural reaction to "overreact" when something grand interrupts our lives?

Yes.

Do we always think that a "breakdown" in our daily routine is a sign that disaster is ahead?

Yes. Yes.

And when it comes to matters of the heart—does the ending of a relationship mean that we will never find another to love us like we deserve?

Again...Yes. Yes. Yes.

Why are we so hard on ourselves? It's as if we think that our hearts and lives are also dependent on one major freeway and—if that closes down—we are outcasts, doomed, old maids and should be put out to pasture.

In the great landscape of the heart, one can always find a side street that will lead you to love the same way that the "closed freeway" did.

Do not, as they say, become obsessed with the destination, but focus on the journey and the beauty that you will encounter along the way. If your heart was broken recently, it was probably not meant to be. If you were dating and nothing has panned out—keep going, something will come your way. And, if you haven't been on a date in awhile, think about loving yourself first. It is an absolute divine privilege to be able to spend time with yourself and love YOU as much as you can before you can love another person.

It all starts with self love people—and the rest will come. I know it sounds all too easy to say these positive things and to be in the moment is challenging and difficult. But, being someone who has been there and survived to tell the tale: You will be okay, I promise.

So as my fellow Angelenos and I begin to think of alternate routes to take this weekend to get around the city, I want all of you to think about alternate routes to take in your heart's journey to love and life. You never know what surprises may be in store for you as you take a new scenic route to your destination.

Be adventurous; you will be glad you did.

For more on Love, visit my website at finding-cupid.com or tune in every Tuesday at 2 p.m. to Finding Cupid Radio only on gvbradio.com.

Heartbreak and Complication

David Cruz III — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

There are many times I have to sit and really think about “how I’m
going to write about something” – before I actually do because of the
person or people involved. While I will never truly finger point
(because that’s tacky) I will however share with you the details and
the feelings behind it. After all, blogs need to be honest and that is
part of the charm that Finding Cupid has… Honest conversation with an everyday guy.

So I'll get straight to the point…Heartbreak.

Up until three days ago I was dating a handsome gentleman, who- after two weeks of respectful, kind and fun filled dating- ended things with me because (of what I have come to digest as)… “Not being ready."

Insert metaphorical rug being pulled from under here.

To be fair- the guy had allot of things that he was “in the middle
of”- A new job, a house in escrow, moving…life. So I will not
circumvent the reality of pressure he felt with my own selfish need to
establish a relationship. However, this brings up two very important
issues for me:

1. When did chemistry become a matter of convenience?

And

2. When did we learn that giving up was the easiest way out?

Finding someone that you have chemistry with or just being able to
have commonalities in Los Angeles is a diamond in the rough. So
naturally when said guy and I hit it off- I was ecstatic. Fast forward
to my freshly injured heart and me trying to put the pieces of what
went wrong together, I thought to myself…

“Love is not a matter of convenience… Love just is.”

Remember when you were in high school and when you had a crush on someone- you went after them! If they liked you back- that was it- you became a couple. I get a sense that we have overcomplicated our thoughts and we forget the simplicity of the matter.

If you like somebody, go after them with gusto, with passion and be
relentless. Life is but a small window of time in which we can go a
path alone or with somebody by your side- holding your hand. When you find that person, hold onto them- they are special, and you deserve them just as much as they deserve you. Never forget that.

Maybe it’s all the quickie Hollywood marriages and divorces that have
clouded our minds. Or, maybe it’s the staggering amount of dating
reality shows that crowd our television. Whatever the reasoning, we
need a better filter to help us sort out what is real and worth our
attention and what is a Kardashian plot line.

My experience is a lesson learned in life. Though I could easily walk
away bitter or angry- I choose to pick my heart up and move forward.
Perseverance is vital – it is always accompanied by strength of heart
and mind.

You and I will find love one day. When you are not looking, cupid will
once again sling an arrow your way. Until then- love yourself and keep your chin up high.

For more on love go to www.finding–cupid.com or listen to Finding
Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2pm on gvbradio.com, starting July 5th.

Purpose

David Cruz III — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 00:00:00 GMT

It wasn't too long ago that I was sitting in a cafe, thinking about
the future of my little blog. So many questions come up like:

"Where do I want to go with this?"

"Do people even care?" and most important of all...

"What am I going to eat for dinner?"

That last one is especially important because when you are a writer in Los Angeles, you tend to spend allot of time in coffee shops and less time in actual restaurants... with people... eating real food.

So like every night similar to this one, I democratically choose a
dinner location and proceed into my merry go round of questions about the future of my blog and website...

"Purpose" ... what is my purpose?

As Finding Cupid continues to grow in popularity and I begin to
interact with more and more people about my upcoming radio show, I am often asked "what's the point?" They continue with...

"Is this a dating website?" "A radio show about dating advice?"

These questions are usually punctuated with a confused stare on their face-similar to the Dear in Headlights look- just not as low to the
ground- or as cute to be honest.

Ahh... The question of purpose.

Well here it is again my friends, my answer to the question of the
hour: what is my purpose?

To answer this question you have to start at the beginning: who I am not.

I am not a doctor, a specialist, an advice columnist or even a
matchmaker. I am an everyday guy who simply believes in the age old practice of "Love". Now- what does that mean? Well- for starters, it means that (yes) I do believe that there is something amazing and
special about relationships.

I believe that if we are lucky enough to find someone who we really
connect with- that there are certain rights of passage, levels of
chivalry and non-negotiable's that must be a part of relationships.
These little emotional and physical idiosyncrasies - over time have
been abused, tarnished and are long but almost forgotten.

I am that person who still believes in them all and is simply
motivated to remind people of them.

I am also that person who wants to inspire a generation of social
media driven 20 somethings to put down their phones and pick up a pen and paper and write a letter. (Twitter does not count)

Most importantly, I am dedicated to finding inspiration for all of the
people out there who have had their hearts broken, trampled on,
divorced, cheated on and handed back to them in a blender. They all
deserve someone special - no matter what has happened. They all
deserve love. It's my mission to help them find their way back.

I guess I'm kind of the modern day Statue of Liberty ... but for love.
A giant sized cupid made not of copper over looking the eastern shore- but made of positivity, hope and inspiration.

(cue patriotic movie score)

"Give me your broken hearted, your uninspired and your desperate
hearts yearning to find substance in a modern day world. The hallowed souls of people who have given their hearts one too many times. Send me these jaded, dissapointed guardians. I hold my quill high - to shine as a beacon of hope in a decade lost and broken hearts."

purpose... there it is.

I am a guy who simply wants to put love back into the world. Wether it is love in a relationship, love for a fellow human being or love for
ones self... I'm here to remind us all that indeed... this is my
purpose.

For more on love, go to finding-cupid.com or listen to Finding Cupid Radio every Tuesday at 2pm starting July 5th only on gvbradio.com.