Columns – Queersay  

My Soap Star Couch-Crasher
While there’s nothing I love more than an afternoon on the couch with a bowl of high-carb ice cream while watching Soapdish for the five thousandth time, there’s nothing I despise more than looking down at my iPhone to see a text from my real-life soap star bestie Brenden. Brenden is of course not his real name, but if you’re unemployed or a stay-at-home houseboy, surely you’ve seen his tall, dark and handsome visage of perfection. Yes, sandwiched somewhere in between my daily Kathy Lee and Hoda and Judge Judy viewing, he graces the small screen on a soap opera …
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The Bubble Butt with Bad Credit
I’ll admit it—yours truly is truly frugal. When it comes to a grocery run, nothing says fiscally responsible like a saunter through the 99-Cent Store supermarket section. Granted, everything is on the verge of edible expiration, but Dateline tells me those dates are little more than a suggestion. My rule of thumb when thumbing through bargain bin fruit? “If it ain’t soggy and brown, I’ll choke it down!” That said, occasionally I do find myself out and about with an emergency need to feed, and exceptions to my one-buck budget must be made. Thus was the case last Wednesday night …
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Inter-Office Memorandum
With more than 1,770 channels on television, production offices are a dime a dozen in Tinseltown, so it’s not earth-shattering gossip that yet another small-screen cable network has recently opened its doors on the wrong side of Hollywood Boulevard. What’s interesting, though, is a recent company-wide email this production company sent out to its 100-plus employees. So explains a production assistant whose name is being withheld: “The new office is nice enough—very modern and comfortable—but it’s located in a really bad part of Hollywood, right off this block that people on the sixth floor call Crack Alley! A few nights …
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Too Good To Be True
Despite his Mormon-ish ensemble, “Joe” is one of our best friends—truly the nicest guy in our gaggle. But you know what they say about nice guys, right? Always finishing last! An IT director at a major local medical center, his 70-plus-hour workweeks leave him little time for man-on-man loving. We were beyond happy when he told us he met someone on a popular gay hookup site. It wasn’t totally unbelievable—he’s adorably romance-able in his own bookish sort of way. What was unbelievable, however, was who he met—the blondest Abbey go-go boy who we’ve long called the Unattainable A-List Adonis! Our …
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Comedy for a Cause
Tales from the VIP Table of TransYouth Speak
My regular readers know that I rarely walk a red carpet and tell. Oh, who am I kidding? Walking red and then relaying the details is my bread and butter! And while I usually whip up a snippy, undercutting observation or two for y’all, this recent event was simply awesome. Zach Galifianakis, Tig Notaro, Reggie Watts, Patton Oswalt and Ian Harvie—perhaps you’ve heard of them? (Of course you have!) All were under the same roof, performing comedy live on the Wiltern stage to support the awesome nonprofit program TransYouth Speak, a grassroots initiative that helps transgender youth find their voice …
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Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy
Of the two men I have truly and genuinely cared for, never once was it love at first sight. In wooing Yours Truly it often takes months of fancy dinners, lavish gifts and a clandestine glance over my man’s shoulder at the ATM to ensure there are at least six digits (left of the decimal) worth of savings in his bank account. That said, it’s with shock and awe that I profess my love to a man I met last night—and by ‘met’ I mean creepily stared at across the Oil Can Harry’s dance floor in a drunken Smirnoff-saturated haze …
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Feisty Art Heist
Lord knows that if you’re a lover of scantily clad muscle men sporting suggestive, sexy wares while giving good face, you no doubt have more than one of a certain photographer’s coffee table books in your home. Yes, while many aspiring photogs are penny-pinching to make ends meet, this behind-the-camera artist is snapping shots of WeHo’s hottest hunks and raking in the big bucks. I found this to be true the night of the Oscars, when I was invited (through a friend of a friend of a friend’s soon-to-be ex-boyfriend) to the photographer’s Hollywood Hills home for little Tinseltown celebratory …
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Twerking Twinks and Muscle Daddies
Twerking Twink Don’t get me wrong—I’m all about moving and grooving to the beat. I honestly, unabashedly, firmly believe that every gay should be forever sauntering to a soundtrack in their head. Yes, a dance mix a day keeps the doctor away. Some twinks seem to believe Santa Monica Boulevard is their own private dance studio. Bump and grind in the backroom at Micky’s? Fine! Drop it like it’s hot on the dance floor at The Abbey? Totally! Use the 24 Hour Fitness pool as your own private synchronized aqua-aerobics ballroom? I am totally onboard with that! The vegetable aisle …
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Bearded Lady
As a recovering actor, yours truly has quite a few semi-famous model/ actor/singer/dancer friends in my iPhone. Soap stars, popstars and Teen Beat cover boys—oh my! Let’s just say that my dinner parties boast quite the interesting guest list of what’s-her-faces and isn’t-that-the-guy-froms. Often it’s these clandestine little friendships that supply me with the gossip my readers love so much, and this week is no different, because here I have a ‘bearded’ lady coming out to y’all—sort of.You see, apparently too many male musicians have been coming out as ‘bisexual’ of late, and that’s not good for business. While …
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Chihuahua Shade
As I spend my Sundays binge-drinking mojitos at The Abbey, I do my best not to judge the people and personality disorders who strut on by. Oh, who am I kidding? Afternoon Bacardi busts at this homo watering hole are ripe with opinionated shade, and I stand as no exception. I usually keep my comments to myself, but there’s a ridiculousness that has gone on far too long, and it must be addressed here and now! To the man who has been bringing his “therapy” chihuahua into the bar around 3 p.m., I am sincerely asking you to find a …
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