Would You Rather...?

When I first moved to Los Angeles, one of the weirdest things that I had to get used to was the odd array of decisions that came with finding a place to live.

For example, when I lived in Orange County, most houses and apartments were new. The hardest thing I ever had to decide on was whether or not to paint a wall in my living room.

In L.A., it’s quite the contrary. Every visit to an apartment complex or home becomes an intense version of the game ‘Would You Rather,” each answer to the question being harder than the question itself.

"Would you rather have a small bathroom or no heater?”

“Would you rather have a dishwasher or no closet?"


Ask Cupid

OK, guys and gals. You asked for it, and now it's here: “The Official #ASKCupid Q&A Session with David Cruz”

I have been taking your questions via Twitter, email and even when you stumbled up to me on “Sunday Funday” in West Hollywood. (Those are always the most entertaining.) So now, here are the best of the best questions from the last week, with all my “Cupid Opinions” to accompany them!

Dear David, My boyfriend and I have been dating for only two months, and when Valentine’s Day came up I wasn’t sure how to approach it. We ended up going for a movie and dinner, but I felt it could have been more romantic. Is this a sign that he’s not interested? —Via

After only a few months of dating there is always a bit of hesitation on anyone’s part to 'go big' on a holiday, especially if it’s Valentine’s Day. Chances are you haven’t even crossed the “I Love You” bridge yet, so don’t put pressure where pressure shouldn’t be. New relationships take time to grow. God forbid he approached the day with guns blazing. You would be asking if it was too much too soon.

Cool your jets, mister. Be grateful for what your man delivered. Things are going just fine. There's no need to rush to the nearest emergency exit!  

10 Tips for Keeping Love Alive in Modern Times

[Editor's note: Relationship expert—and current Frontiers cover model—David Cruz knows the importance of love. He shares that importance with us in this fun guide to keeping love alive in a time when most people consider chivalry and love at first sight to be things of cheesy rom-coms.]

1. Be a Warrior of Chivalry

There is much to be said about being a gentleman. Not only should you marry one but you should also be one! Open doors and treat the love of your life like a king. 

2. Write Handwritten Love Notes
Whether it’s a handwritten letter, card or even a Post-it, surprise the one you love with a short and sweet declaration of your love. 


Welcome Back to Love

When I first created Finding Cupid over four years ago, I started with the simple idea that it was time to inspire people to love again. It’s every year around this time that I feel the need to reaffirm to everyone and myself why I believe in love the way that I do.

The answer is simple, because nobody else does.

Now, I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but people everywhere had lost all hope in love and anything to do with the happiness believed to be found in love.

We were convinced that love and relationships were apostles of consumerism and that Valentine's Day was the godfather of all that we resented in way of relationship obligation.  

Then, without any warning, technology came and pulled the rug up from under all of us. We were now being forced—not asked, but forced—into a world where dating was happening online and that hooking up with someone on an app was easier than having pizza delivered.

For all intents and purposes, we were screwed.

Whatever human connection we had about love and dating was instantly replaced by technology and it’s emotionless interaction.

So when people tell me they don’t believe in love and that they hate Valentine's Day, I can understand why they do.

But that’s where I come in—someone with an unwavering belief that love, in all its splendor, is still alive and well.

That no matter how far we have advanced in life and technology, there is still a way for us to connect again. And most importantly, to believe again.

Finding Cupid is about forgetting what you used to believe in and reminding yourself of the simple notion that love is indeed possible. That you are still capable of connecting on a human level and that there is a way to have love in your life like you’ve never experienced before.

As gay men, we are travelling into a world with new frontiers. A place where dating can lead to a being engaged, where marriage is now part of our future and that we can have anything that our straight counterparts have ever had.


The Normals

There are many wise words of wisdom that have been past on to me in my lifetime. Some are great and some are cheeky. Some conjure up deep thought and others are just stupid.

Some of my favorites include: 
You can't lead a horse to water”

“Don't look a gift horse in the mouth” 

and the classic

“The grass is always greener on the other side”

But when it comes to the world of dating and love none has ever resonated more to me than the classic 
"Opposites Attract” aka The Paula Abdul Factor 
Sometimes I see couples that are shining examples of how this works- but then others that are simply poster children for poor choices while dating.

But isn’t that the way with everything?  

Time and time again I chat with friends who constantly are dating the “same kind of person” in the “same circles” and it always ends with a grandeous crash and burn ending.

If we keep making the same mistakes maybe its time to look outside the circle and make a change.

But when it comes to understanding the necessity in finding a partner from "outside" your world, does that create more problems in the dating game or open us up to world of possibilities like we have never seen before?

Lets examine the possibilities.


Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Do you ever wonder why there are no gay dating websites?

Dating websites that are genuinely interested in the promotion of healthy long-term relationships?  

Why does there seem to be more of a desire to have “instant access” to torso’s and headless photos than to actually take the time to date.

In a community where we are fighting for marriage equality and seem to frustrated with the lack inability to find long term relationships…why does it seem that we are stuck in a one step forward two steps back mentality?

I spent an entire night searching the Internet to find sites that were devoted specifically to dating and for the most part came up empty handed?

Why do we as gay men embrace sites like Grindr, Jackd and Scruff- while sites like One Good Love fight to strike a chord of relevance?

To complicate matters more, Gay Matchmaking sites still trump traditional sites in almost 10 to 1.

When it comes to finding real love… do we really want something long lasting or do our “digital actions” speak louder than our digital words?

When I take into consideration the evolution of a gay mans understanding of relationships- it all makes perfect sense.

Most older gay men are less tech savvy and come from the days of old school. This means that they are wired to fear their sexuality because when they were young- it was forbidden. The idea of relationships has always been riddled with hook ups and ambiguity. So today- most of their mating & dating rituals reflect their upbringing.

Middle-aged gay men, Gen-X’ers, are challenged with traditional and modern times. They have less of the social burden than their predecessor- but still challenged with the social stigma. They are the new generation of trailblazers who are fighting for identity and change – but now have the added pressure of making the rules up as they fight for them. Their rituals are the “Arnold Palmer” of them all- fifty percent old school and fifty percent new school. These guys will more than likely sleep with you on a first date- but will eventually want to make you a boyfriend.

Then there is the current generation, what I like to call the “Little Monsters”. They are empowered by stronger and more vocal role models like Gaga & Obama- as well as a slew of openly gay actors, singers and tv shows like GLEE.

The challenge with the Little Monsters is that they are driven by technology and easy access. They have it all at their fingertips but do not know how to unplug and communicate naturally.  This generation is very clear about what they want of a relationship because they have more social acceptance than the two previous gay generations.  Their relationships are more intense and marriage driven than most. Their challenge though, is finding enough maturity and life experience to fully embrace their freedoms. 

So when you muddle up the Old Schools with the GenExers and the Little Monsters- it’s no wonder why Grindr has become more widely accepted and used.

We are all trying to find a middle ground- a place that’s safe, easy and modern. Everyone has a smart phone, everyone wants access and everyone is safe.

But what becomes of the most eager romantic in all those groups?

Do they eventually hit a Google goldmine and stumble upon that one great site and meet all the other Unicorn Gays, the Gays only spoken about in LTR fables and lore?

Or are we at just the beginning- testing the waters of a white rapid ahead.

One thing is for certain. Gay relationships are just getting started. Finding their meaning, their role models and its rules. We are at just the beginning of Creating Gay Brady’s and Gay Lucy & Ricky’s.

Hopefully soon we can have a site that flaunts being the E-harmony of gay sites- spitting Read more...

Wedding Fever


That is the only word that I can use to describe my feeling lately about the possibility of getting married.


That is the immediate word that people use to describe the face I make when I am caught day dreaming about said obsession.

Now for the record, I'm not stalking bakeries "cake tasting" or ripping out the pages from GQ of the tux ill be wearing. Im just deep in thought.

Never in my lifetime did I ever think that getting married would, or could have been part of my life's grand plan.

"I wonder how this could truly change the landscape of how we date and have long term relationships as gay men."


You cannot escape the conversation. Its in the newspaper, on the television, at the water cooler. It's staring every gay man and woman right in the face.

But rather than debate the actual issue of equality (because I naturally think I should be allowed the same right to marry anyway) I again wonder- once given the right to marry, how well we could actually assimilate to this newfound equality.

All my life, all I have ever known to be true is that- as a gay man, I could blissfully date without the pressures of getting married or having kids.

You date, You date longer and that's pretty much it. If your lucky (and both willing to) you buy rings and "commit" to each other.  If you are really serious, you become "Domestic Partners" and maybe hold a cute ceremony.

But now, the landscape is changing.

There isn't a day that goes by that I dont interact with lucky gay couples who are engaged, who have married or have had kids. It's like someone has pulled the rug up from under me.

When did all this start happening?

I feel beside myself as I try to digest the fact that maybe- just maybe, marriage may actually be something I must now start thinking about.

It feels like a strange superpower. Like discovering you are ambidextrous- oddly and slowly using a hand that was always there, but now with grand potential and excitement. You immediately want to use that hand for writing all the time, feeling proud of it, feeling amazed, feeling happy.

I immediately begin to think about my straight male counterparts. How do they know when they are ready to settle down and commit to the institution of marriage? What are the rules and can those same rules apply to gay men?

I have a good (straight) friend of mine who always used to tell me I was lucky to be a gay man because I could "Date without pressure". I wasn't bound by the same societal timeline that straight men have.

Am I lucky? Are gay men throwing all their freedom away to subscribe to an institution that doesn't want them anyway?

Or- have we simply lived like kids on the Island of Misfit Toys for too long and must now grow up and face the facts of life and responsibilities of adulthood and the understanding of deeper relationships.

I yield my thoughts to love, to happiness and to wisdom.

Nothing in life brings you such clarity than to learn from the wisdom of  the greatest mistakes you have made. Nothing in life is strived for more than happiness. The feeling, the emotion, the destination of your success, the end of ones journey.

And so- with love, nothing should be questioned when you discover that you have come to this point in your life to find a partner who loves you- all of you. To use life's great blessing of wisdom to know that this is where your search ends, that you have found... the one.

A marriage isn't simply about an "institution" or the words "Husband and Wife"- It's more about the declaration of love between two people who have ended their journey as two separate individuals.


What is Love?

As we head into the last few days of preparation before Valentine's Day, I find myself busy with the hustle and bustle of getting my readers ready for the big day. I imagine this is what Santa would feel like—making his toys, getting the old suit dry cleaned and polishing up that sleigh.

I have been talking about Valentine's Day for the last few months now. My house looks like I won a grand prize of Valentine's Day decorations and cards. I am in deep, folks.

It is usually about this time I begin to separate from the aesthetics a bit and focus in on what’s important. Is it a perfect card, an expensive bouquet of flowers or a fancy dinner? What about the shallow gay stuff: Is it about how “hot” my guy is, the car he drives or the lavish spending sprees I hope he takes me on?

What is love all about? What is and (isn’t) important?

I often reflect back to the 20-year-old version of me. The one who thought he knew what love was about. The one who was so sure that he had his head on straight and that he knew what mattered most. Back then, I was so sure that my significant other had to be rich, hot and be able to take care of what I affectionately refer to as my “Twinkie Self." I was young, cute and men would always buy me drinks no matter where I went. I had the power—as we all do at that age.

Twinkie Self dated men with big houses, nice cars and was always taken to dinner at expensive restaurants. They bought me drinks and took me to parties. I was the perfect arm candy.

But, time after time, date after date and failed lover after lover, I always ended up in the same place ... broken-hearted.

In a city where men who had everything and offered you everything, why was the only thing that they couldn’t afford to give you … love?

After many years of trial and error, I flash forward to my Adult Self. The same guy who is sitting here writing about love, in a loving, healthy relationship and head deep in Valentine's Day propaganda. I ask Adult Self that very important question.

What is love about—and what is important?

Love is about many things—personal growth, experience, humility and selflessness. It is just as much a journey in discovering who you are and what you do not want, as it is about a partner who can complement your truest self.

When you are with someone you love, they allow you to be you in all your glory. They never hold you back or make you feel like the things that matter to you are not important. They support you, encourage you and never try to change you.

They appreciate your past and your future.

Love is a humble journey. It magnifies all that is right and all that was wrong at the same time. You are able to learn why you did things before and how to use that experience to better yourself as a person.

Love is more important than any car, house or black American Express card ever issued. Love is just you, him and the moments that you experience together making dinner on a Friday night while watching television.

I believe that love isn’t about the perfect Valentine's Day card, but about what you say in it. I believe that Valentine's Day is not the most important day for a couple, but a celebration of their journey together—a night to remind you of your first kiss.

Valentine's Day is simply a day for love. All love, a chance to pay forward love to human kind. A reminder that coupled or not, we can do something special for someone who needs a bit of love.

So as we all head into the next week, some with armor on and others with grand plans of romance. Take a moment to put things into perspective and not be so hard on one’s self, especially if you are single. Love will happe Read more...