Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Do you ever wonder why there are no gay dating websites?

Dating websites that are genuinely interested in the promotion of healthy long-term relationships?  

Why does there seem to be more of a desire to have “instant access” to torso’s and headless photos than to actually take the time to date.

In a community where we are fighting for marriage equality and seem to frustrated with the lack inability to find long term relationships…why does it seem that we are stuck in a one step forward two steps back mentality?

I spent an entire night searching the Internet to find sites that were devoted specifically to dating and for the most part came up empty handed?

Why do we as gay men embrace sites like Grindr, Jackd and Scruff- while sites like One Good Love fight to strike a chord of relevance?

To complicate matters more, Gay Matchmaking sites still trump traditional sites in almost 10 to 1.

When it comes to finding real love… do we really want something long lasting or do our “digital actions” speak louder than our digital words?

When I take into consideration the evolution of a gay mans understanding of relationships- it all makes perfect sense.

Most older gay men are less tech savvy and come from the days of old school. This means that they are wired to fear their sexuality because when they were young- it was forbidden. The idea of relationships has always been riddled with hook ups and ambiguity. So today- most of their mating & dating rituals reflect their upbringing.

Middle-aged gay men, Gen-X’ers, are challenged with traditional and modern times. They have less of the social burden than their predecessor- but still challenged with the social stigma. They are the new generation of trailblazers who are fighting for identity and change – but now have the added pressure of making the rules up as they fight for them. Their rituals are the “Arnold Palmer” of them all- fifty percent old school and fifty percent new school. These guys will more than likely sleep with you on a first date- but will eventually want to make you a boyfriend.

Then there is the current generation, what I like to call the “Little Monsters”. They are empowered by stronger and more vocal role models like Gaga & Obama- as well as a slew of openly gay actors, singers and tv shows like GLEE.

The challenge with the Little Monsters is that they are driven by technology and easy access. They have it all at their fingertips but do not know how to unplug and communicate naturally.  This generation is very clear about what they want of a relationship because they have more social acceptance than the two previous gay generations.  Their relationships are more intense and marriage driven than most. Their challenge though, is finding enough maturity and life experience to fully embrace their freedoms. 

So when you muddle up the Old Schools with the GenExers and the Little Monsters- it’s no wonder why Grindr has become more widely accepted and used.

We are all trying to find a middle ground- a place that’s safe, easy and modern. Everyone has a smart phone, everyone wants access and everyone is safe.

But what becomes of the most eager romantic in all those groups?

Do they eventually hit a Google goldmine and stumble upon that one great site and meet all the other Unicorn Gays, the Gays only spoken about in LTR fables and lore?

Or are we at just the beginning- testing the waters of a white rapid ahead.

One thing is for certain. Gay relationships are just getting started. Finding their meaning, their role models and its rules. We are at just the beginning of Creating Gay Brady’s and Gay Lucy & Ricky’s.

Hopefully soon we can have a site that flaunts being the E-harmony of gay sites- spitting out successful gay partnerships and weddings more than other hook up sites.

Hopefully soon, we can flip the switch on what it means to be in a Long Term Relationship and how that is a good thing.

Hopefully soon.

Till next blog,


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  1. Ryan posted on 07/10/2014 07:04 AM
    I would hardly refer to Obama as a role model.

    Being gay doesn't mean obligatory liberal alignment.
    Libertarian perspective: ALL individual rights are important to protect, and that comes from restraining government, not further involving it in our lives.
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