When I first moved to Los Angeles, one of the weirdest things that I had to get used to was the odd array of decisions that came with finding a place to live.
For example, when I lived in Orange County, most houses and apartments were new. The hardest thing I ever had to decide on was whether or not to paint a wall in my living room.
In L.A., it’s quite the contrary. Every visit to an apartment complex or home becomes an intense version of the game ‘Would You Rather,” each answer to the question being harder than the question itself.
"Would you rather have a small bathroom or no heater?”
“Would you rather have a dishwasher or no closet?"
Unless you have all the money in the world to afford everything (which most of us don’t) we tend to make big sacrifices in the name of real estate.
But can the same be said about relationships?
When it comes to the people we date, do we find that we have made sacrifices in the relationships we have in order to move forward with life’s grand plan?
Are we all perfectly happy playing the “Would You Rather” game, hoping that love will find its way into the equation?
Would you rather find your soulmate but be bound to a long-distance relationship, or would you rather have a committed relationship with a person that is married?
The amount of scenarios I am presented with on a daily basis from clients sometimes is astonishing and scary! Why are people even debating some of these scenarios?
To take a break from the reality of said work, I convinced a friend of mine to head to the newest restaurant du jour of West Hollywood, Glazed L.A., a new donut bistro a block away from my house.
For months the anticipation has been growing about what this place was about and how it would taste. Most of all, how would the paleo dieting, vegan touting, no-carb Angeleno welcome a donut shop of all things into its city?
The answer was simple—with open arms.
For several days I attempted to grab donuts from the new shop only to be greeted by long lines and the occasional “all out of donuts” sign.
“When was it my turn?” I would ask every time I was turned away.
But something was different about this trip—I had absolute confidence that I was coming home with a well-deserved treat, and I did!
So there we were clearing hurdle after hurdle of bad luck—the shop was open, no lines, and the clear glass display case with chocked full of freshly baked delights!
A win on all accounts!
As my friend and I sat there and decided on which yummy treat to inhale first, I quickly grabbed the Brown Butter Maple Bacon and he grabbed the Bourbon Pecan pie.
It was as if we had never had a donut in our life! They were over-the-top delicious!
Naturally, we somehow get around to discussing relationships. As if everything I said about needing to escape the office went in one ear and out the other.
“So I stayed over at Craig’s house again,” he says, to which I replied, “Craig, the one who doesn’t want a relationship?”
To which he replied under a not so innocent laugh, “Yes.”
“Why do you keep going over if he has made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you?" I say with anger.
“Well,” he says, "it’s the sex!”
So you would rather have a relationship with a guy who doesn’t want a commitment because the sex is good?!
At this point I have eaten everything in front of me and I am talking a little too loud for other patrons to digest at 10 in the morning. So we leave and table our conversation until later.
Back at the office I have become distracted by the day's conundrum. I start to tap my pencil on the desk and stare out the window.
Why does everyone insist on playing “Would You Rather” instead of playing “What I Deserve"?
Why do we waste our time with relationships and people who do not contribute to our future happiness? Instead, we have turned into a society who’s become complacent with subpar relationships.
When it comes to love, why don’t we hold ourselves to a higher standard?
We would rather have bad relationships and call them great than fulfill relationships and call it love.
When we acknowledge that we deserve better, we allow ourselves to fully accept happiness into our lives. But if we think that we should hold onto this person or this relationship because you think you can’t do better, then we are only cheating ourselves.
All of you deserve to be happy, to be respected and to be romanced. There is no rule that says marry the first man that asks. But- wake up—a bad relationship will never be a good relationship.
Take your time while you date, figure out what you like and don’t like, but don’t ever feel like you have no other options.
Today, when I walked into the donut store, I could easily have gone for the classic glazed, but instead I chose the Brown Butter Maple Bacon. This is what I love, what makes me happy and most of all what I deserve.
Do the same with the people you date—go for what you deserve! Not some stale, day-old bread of a relationship! Go for what makes you happy. Otherwise you’re just wasting time.
Till next blog,