When I first moved to Los Angeles, one of the weirdest things that I had to get used to was the odd array of decisions that came with finding a place to live.

For example, when I lived in Orange County, most houses and apartments were new. The hardest thing I ever had to decide on was whether or not to paint a wall in my living room.

In L.A., it’s quite the contrary. Every visit to an apartment complex or home becomes an intense version of the game ‘Would You Rather,” each answer to the question being harder than the question itself.

"Would you rather have a small bathroom or no heater?”

“Would you rather have a dishwasher or no closet?"

Read more...

OK, guys and gals. You asked for it, and now it's here: “The Official #ASKCupid Q&A Session with David Cruz”

I have been taking your questions via Twitter, email and even when you stumbled up to me on “Sunday Funday” in West Hollywood. (Those are always the most entertaining.) So now, here are the best of the best questions from the last week, with all my “Cupid Opinions” to accompany them!

Dear David, My boyfriend and I have been dating for only two months, and when Valentine’s Day came up I wasn’t sure how to approach it. We ended up going for a movie and dinner, but I felt it could have been more romantic. Is this a sign that he’s not interested? —Via Finding-Cupid.com

After only a few months of dating there is always a bit of hesitation on anyone’s part to 'go big' on a holiday, especially if it’s Valentine’s Day. Chances are you haven’t even crossed the “I Love You” bridge yet, so don’t put pressure where pressure shouldn’t be. New relationships take time to grow. God forbid he approached the day with guns blazing. You would be asking if it was too much too soon.

Cool your jets, mister. Be grateful for what your man delivered. Things are going just fine. There's no need to rush to the nearest emergency exit!  
Read more...

[Editor's note: Relationship expert—and current Frontiers cover model—David Cruz knows the importance of love. He shares that importance with us in this fun guide to keeping love alive in a time when most people consider chivalry and love at first sight to be things of cheesy rom-coms.]

1. Be a Warrior of Chivalry
There is much to be said about being a gentleman. Not only should you marry one but you should also be one! Open doors and treat the love of your life like a king. 

2. Write Handwritten Love Notes
Whether it’s a handwritten letter, card or even a Post-it, surprise the one you love with a short and sweet declaration of your love. 

Read more...

When I first created Finding Cupid over four years ago, I started with the simple idea that it was time to inspire people to love again. It’s every year around this time that I feel the need to reaffirm to everyone and myself why I believe in love the way that I do.

The answer is simple, because nobody else does.

Now, I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but people everywhere had lost all hope in love and anything to do with the happiness believed to be found in love.

We were convinced that love and relationships were apostles of consumerism and that Valentine's Day was the godfather of all that we resented in way of relationship obligation.  

Then, without any warning, technology came and pulled the rug up from under all of us. We were now being forced—not asked, but forced—into a world where dating was happening online and that hooking up with someone on an app was easier than having pizza delivered.

For all intents and purposes, we were screwed.

Whatever human connection we had about love and dating was instantly replaced by technology and it’s emotionless interaction.

So when people tell me they don’t believe in love and that they hate Valentine's Day, I can understand why they do.

But that’s where I come in—someone with an unwavering belief that love, in all its splendor, is still alive and well.

That no matter how far we have advanced in life and technology, there is still a way for us to connect again. And most importantly, to believe again.

Finding Cupid is about forgetting what you used to believe in and reminding yourself of the simple notion that love is indeed possible. That you are still capable of connecting on a human level and that there is a way to have love in your life like you’ve never experienced before.

As gay men, we are travelling into a world with new frontiers. A place where dating can lead to a being engaged, where marriage is now part of our future and that we can have anything that our straight counterparts have ever had.

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There are many wise words of wisdom that have been past on to me in my lifetime. Some are great and some are cheeky. Some conjure up deep thought and others are just stupid.

Some of my favorites include: 
 
“You can't lead a horse to water”

“Don't look a gift horse in the mouth” 

and the classic

“The grass is always greener on the other side”

But when it comes to the world of dating and love none has ever resonated more to me than the classic 
 
"Opposites Attract” aka The Paula Abdul Factor 
 
Sometimes I see couples that are shining examples of how this works- but then others that are simply poster children for poor choices while dating.

But isn’t that the way with everything?  

Time and time again I chat with friends who constantly are dating the “same kind of person” in the “same circles” and it always ends with a grandeous crash and burn ending.

If we keep making the same mistakes maybe its time to look outside the circle and make a change.

But when it comes to understanding the necessity in finding a partner from "outside" your world, does that create more problems in the dating game or open us up to world of possibilities like we have never seen before?

Lets examine the possibilities.

Read more...

Do you ever wonder why there are no gay dating websites?

Dating websites that are genuinely interested in the promotion of healthy long-term relationships?  

Why does there seem to be more of a desire to have “instant access” to torso’s and headless photos than to actually take the time to date.

In a community where we are fighting for marriage equality and seem to frustrated with the lack inability to find long term relationships…why does it seem that we are stuck in a one step forward two steps back mentality?

I spent an entire night searching the Internet to find sites that were devoted specifically to dating and for the most part came up empty handed?

Why do we as gay men embrace sites like Grindr, Jackd and Scruff- while sites like One Good Love fight to strike a chord of relevance?

To complicate matters more, Gay Matchmaking sites still trump traditional sites in almost 10 to 1.

When it comes to finding real love… do we really want something long lasting or do our “digital actions” speak louder than our digital words?

When I take into consideration the evolution of a gay mans understanding of relationships- it all makes perfect sense.

Most older gay men are less tech savvy and come from the days of old school. This means that they are wired to fear their sexuality because when they were young- it was forbidden. The idea of relationships has always been riddled with hook ups and ambiguity. So today- most of their mating & dating rituals reflect their upbringing.

Middle-aged gay men, Gen-X’ers, are challenged with traditional and modern times. They have less of the social burden than their predecessor- but still challenged with the social stigma. They are the new generation of trailblazers who are fighting for identity and change – but now have the added pressure of making the rules up as they fight for them. Their rituals are the “Arnold Palmer” of them all- fifty percent old school and fifty percent new school. These guys will more than likely sleep with you on a first date- but will eventually want to make you a boyfriend.

Then there is the current generation, what I like to call the “Little Monsters”. They are empowered by stronger and more vocal role models like Gaga & Obama- as well as a slew of openly gay actors, singers and tv shows like GLEE.

The challenge with the Little Monsters is that they are driven by technology and easy access. They have it all at their fingertips but do not know how to unplug and communicate naturally.  This generation is very clear about what they want of a relationship because they have more social acceptance than the two previous gay generations.  Their relationships are more intense and marriage driven than most. Their challenge though, is finding enough maturity and life experience to fully embrace their freedoms. 

So when you muddle up the Old Schools with the GenExers and the Little Monsters- it’s no wonder why Grindr has become more widely accepted and used.

We are all trying to find a middle ground- a place that’s safe, easy and modern. Everyone has a smart phone, everyone wants access and everyone is safe.

But what becomes of the most eager romantic in all those groups?

Do they eventually hit a Google goldmine and stumble upon that one great site and meet all the other Unicorn Gays, the Gays only spoken about in LTR fables and lore?

Or are we at just the beginning- testing the waters of a white rapid ahead.

One thing is for certain. Gay relationships are just getting started. Finding their meaning, their role models and its rules. We are at just the beginning of Creating Gay Brady’s and Gay Lucy & Ricky’s.

Hopefully soon we can have a site that flaunts being the E-harmony of gay sites- spitting Read more...

 Obsessed.

That is the only word that I can use to describe my feeling lately about the possibility of getting married.

Pondering.

That is the immediate word that people use to describe the face I make when I am caught day dreaming about said obsession.

Now for the record, I'm not stalking bakeries "cake tasting" or ripping out the pages from GQ of the tux ill be wearing. Im just deep in thought.

Never in my lifetime did I ever think that getting married would, or could have been part of my life's grand plan.

"I wonder how this could truly change the landscape of how we date and have long term relationships as gay men."

Marriage.

You cannot escape the conversation. Its in the newspaper, on the television, at the water cooler. It's staring every gay man and woman right in the face.

But rather than debate the actual issue of equality (because I naturally think I should be allowed the same right to marry anyway) I again wonder- once given the right to marry, how well we could actually assimilate to this newfound equality.

All my life, all I have ever known to be true is that- as a gay man, I could blissfully date without the pressures of getting married or having kids.

You date, You date longer and that's pretty much it. If your lucky (and both willing to) you buy rings and "commit" to each other.  If you are really serious, you become "Domestic Partners" and maybe hold a cute ceremony.

But now, the landscape is changing.

There isn't a day that goes by that I dont interact with lucky gay couples who are engaged, who have married or have had kids. It's like someone has pulled the rug up from under me.

When did all this start happening?

I feel beside myself as I try to digest the fact that maybe- just maybe, marriage may actually be something I must now start thinking about.

It feels like a strange superpower. Like discovering you are ambidextrous- oddly and slowly using a hand that was always there, but now with grand potential and excitement. You immediately want to use that hand for writing all the time, feeling proud of it, feeling amazed, feeling happy.

I immediately begin to think about my straight male counterparts. How do they know when they are ready to settle down and commit to the institution of marriage? What are the rules and can those same rules apply to gay men?

I have a good (straight) friend of mine who always used to tell me I was lucky to be a gay man because I could "Date without pressure". I wasn't bound by the same societal timeline that straight men have.

Am I lucky? Are gay men throwing all their freedom away to subscribe to an institution that doesn't want them anyway?

Or- have we simply lived like kids on the Island of Misfit Toys for too long and must now grow up and face the facts of life and responsibilities of adulthood and the understanding of deeper relationships.

I yield my thoughts to love, to happiness and to wisdom.

Nothing in life brings you such clarity than to learn from the wisdom of  the greatest mistakes you have made. Nothing in life is strived for more than happiness. The feeling, the emotion, the destination of your success, the end of ones journey.

And so- with love, nothing should be questioned when you discover that you have come to this point in your life to find a partner who loves you- all of you. To use life's great blessing of wisdom to know that this is where your search ends, that you have found... the one.

A marriage isn't simply about an "institution" or the words "Husband and Wife"- It's more about the declaration of love between two people who have ended their journey as two separate individuals.

Read more...

As we head into the last few days of preparation before Valentine's Day, I find myself busy with the hustle and bustle of getting my readers ready for the big day. I imagine this is what Santa would feel like—making his toys, getting the old suit dry cleaned and polishing up that sleigh.

I have been talking about Valentine's Day for the last few months now. My house looks like I won a grand prize of Valentine's Day decorations and cards. I am in deep, folks.

It is usually about this time I begin to separate from the aesthetics a bit and focus in on what’s important. Is it a perfect card, an expensive bouquet of flowers or a fancy dinner? What about the shallow gay stuff: Is it about how “hot” my guy is, the car he drives or the lavish spending sprees I hope he takes me on?

What is love all about? What is and (isn’t) important?

I often reflect back to the 20-year-old version of me. The one who thought he knew what love was about. The one who was so sure that he had his head on straight and that he knew what mattered most. Back then, I was so sure that my significant other had to be rich, hot and be able to take care of what I affectionately refer to as my “Twinkie Self." I was young, cute and men would always buy me drinks no matter where I went. I had the power—as we all do at that age.

Twinkie Self dated men with big houses, nice cars and was always taken to dinner at expensive restaurants. They bought me drinks and took me to parties. I was the perfect arm candy.

But, time after time, date after date and failed lover after lover, I always ended up in the same place ... broken-hearted.

In a city where men who had everything and offered you everything, why was the only thing that they couldn’t afford to give you … love?

After many years of trial and error, I flash forward to my Adult Self. The same guy who is sitting here writing about love, in a loving, healthy relationship and head deep in Valentine's Day propaganda. I ask Adult Self that very important question.

What is love about—and what is important?

Love is about many things—personal growth, experience, humility and selflessness. It is just as much a journey in discovering who you are and what you do not want, as it is about a partner who can complement your truest self.

When you are with someone you love, they allow you to be you in all your glory. They never hold you back or make you feel like the things that matter to you are not important. They support you, encourage you and never try to change you.

They appreciate your past and your future.

Love is a humble journey. It magnifies all that is right and all that was wrong at the same time. You are able to learn why you did things before and how to use that experience to better yourself as a person.

Love is more important than any car, house or black American Express card ever issued. Love is just you, him and the moments that you experience together making dinner on a Friday night while watching television.

I believe that love isn’t about the perfect Valentine's Day card, but about what you say in it. I believe that Valentine's Day is not the most important day for a couple, but a celebration of their journey together—a night to remind you of your first kiss.

Valentine's Day is simply a day for love. All love, a chance to pay forward love to human kind. A reminder that coupled or not, we can do something special for someone who needs a bit of love.

So as we all head into the next week, some with armor on and others with grand plans of romance. Take a moment to put things into perspective and not be so hard on one’s self, especially if you are single. Love will happe Read more...

Welcome to West Hollywood—one of the largest gay cities in the United States.

I am currently sitting in one of the largest, gayest Starbucks Coffee shops the city has to offer. You know the one—the one across from the largest, gayest 24 Hour Fitness club in the city. Man is this a scene.

My preparation to sit and write is vastly similar to my preparation to go out on a Friday night. Yes, I have cologne on, and yes, I did my hair. God only knows why. I mean—this is just a coffee shop, right? Why all the pomp and circumstance?

I'll tell you why—because we are gay. We are all about presentation. We live for it. We don’t have people over for dinner, we have a “dinner party”; we also don’t just hang out, we have a “kiki.” If there is anything that the domestic goddess/prison survivor Martha Stewart has taught us, it's that a social gathering is not just a time to catch up with friends, but it’s also a time to “impress” people.

I am time and time again “impressed” with parties, people, houses and cooking. Oftentimes, the best presenters of said dinner parties and soirees are often the best specimens that the gay gods could create. Smart, financially secure and built like a Greek adonis.

But when it came down to talk of love, there seemed a void—a curious lapse in the relationship employment history of my many hosts. As if I should interrupt said host and say, “I see you haven’t been in a relationship since 1994. Can you tell me what you have been doing since then?”

But we don’t. We never ask. We simply allow ourselves to be intoxicated by the cars, the house, the physical…the presentation.

We have allowed our strengths to become our weakness by falling in love with aesthetics. Then we wonder why our relationships never last. It's like we went to a wedding, stole the table centerpiece and were upset that it didn’t match our home décor—and died a few days later.

Your life, your happiness and your need for companionship is completely dependent on your ability to “filter.” You need to understand that the glamorous things in life simply aren’t important. They are fun—but they are not important. And when it comes to companionship and love, it's all about the basics. Two people who understand each other, who make each other laugh and can enjoy a bowl of top ramen as well as a steak at Morton’s.

There is an amazing new level of satisfaction one can get from being able to filter all the bullshit that you see, hear and interact with in life. So the next time that you get invited to a kiki, remember, have fun, it’s a party! But, if you by chance happen to filter your way through the sea of Greek gods and find that one guy that you lost track of time talking with… give him your number. Chances are he could be the one.

Till Next Blog,
David (aka Cupid)

For more love, head to finding-cupid.com, and check out Finding Cupid Radio on iTunes & Stitcher Radio! Read more...

After all the dust settles from the holidays, there is a moment of remorse that I feel from the ending of the holiday cheer and the awkward in-between-time that follows. As we slowly take down the decorations, toss the dry Christmas tree and wallow in the presence of the still very cold winter, one can only reflect back on how quick it came—and how quick it left.

As we peel back the layers of lights and garland we begin to see the faint essence of what used to be our homes. We easily forget our lives in all the holiday hustle. I admit, it’s far better a moment to think of baking cookies and singing to Mariah Carey than to think of dating or relationships.

One can say Santa was a stand-in boyfriend.

But here we are, 2013. The house is bare of decorations and fresh with inspiration of the new year. You have made list upon lists of “resolutions” that you will abide by in the next 365 days"

• To lose weight

• To get a better job

• To find a boyfriend

You are heavy with determination and eager to start your year on the right foot. But be warned my friends—the only way to foster successful resolutions is to start with a little spring cleaning!

You see, just like your home after the holidays, you become reacquainted with the issues that existed before all the hoopla of the season. Did you cover the hole in the wall with a beautiful wreath? Did you put up some lights to distract from a much-needed paint job? How about the front door? Does it still squeak?

The reality is, no matter how joyous your home was during the holidays, the problems that lie beneath are still there. When it comes to the House of Love, one should invest in a new coat of paint instead of a brand-new dining table.

I often chat with friends who “desperately want to have a boyfriend”—but these are the same ones that don’t have a job, who live at home still or are hoarders (true story!).

The fact remains that there are a lot of things that one must take care of with themselves and their “home” before they present their lives to others for dating. Nobody will buy the house if it’s not good enough to sell!

The new year is rumored to be all about enlightenment—a new age of self-discovery, purpose and self-worth. I encourage anyone seeking love and partnership this year to take inventory of what needs to fixed in their “House of Love." You cannot find love this year if you hang on to the same old issues that held you back in the last.

So instead of making a list of what new crazy things you're going to do this year, reflect back on what was the root of what prevented you from experiencing true happiness in love.There is much to admire about a person working on themselves before trying to find another.

Fix the cracks, paint the walls and let’s make plans to really put this house on the market to sell! We can do this and it will happen for you this year!

Till Next Blog,
David (aka Cupid)

For more love, head to Finding-Cupid.com, and check out Finding Cupid Radio on iTunes & Stitcher Radio! Read more...

It has been at least a month since I had last exchanged words with all of you and I am just sick to my stomach. Will you ever forgive me?

I wish I could tell you I was away on vacation, getting married in Paris or studying for a big test—but alas, I have been at home… gaybernating.
 
At some point in every newly coupled gay man's life, you stray from the wolf pack and find yourself at home with your boyfriend doing only couple things. Eat, sleep, sex, date night, Ikea visits, sleep.
 
Gaybernation happens when you least expect it and—like a pair of your favorite sweatpants—it’s almost impossible to leave its comfort.
 
As I laid in bed the other day, the new fall chill outside and my boyfriend and I inside, I wondered If I could ever leave the confines of my apartment. What has become of me? Is this the part where I officially turn in my “Socialite Badge” and trade it in for a box of red wine, Russell Stover Chocolates and a Downton Abbey DVD gift set?
 
When it comes to settling into your relationship, do you ultimately settle for Snuggies and take-out—or is it just a phase?
 
I began to make a furious list of the nights I spent in vs. going out. On one side I wrote all the nights that I stayed in and the other side was my supposed adventures in West Hollywood:
 
“Work… work… work — stayed in."
 
“Movie…home by 9 — that’s definitely a stay in.”
 
“Work function….AH HA!” I went to dinner with my co-workers and we stayed out till 11! Definitely a “Went Out!”
 
Wait… that’s not a WeHo Night! Dammit!
 
My list was failing me in the most grandeous way. I wave my white flag. I have lost this round of reality vs. perception. I have moved out of 90210 and set up permanent residency in Melrose Place.
 
I used to say ‘When I’m older, I'm gonna be a cool guy.” Not to say that I don’t think of myself as cool. But I think I am now uber-conscious of being today’s most current version of older and cool.
 
I don’t want to be like that parent that wears underaged and inappropriate clothing. You know, like a mom that wears Juicy sweatsuits or a dad that wears Ed Hardy. (To be safe I have opted to go the cool Mr. Rogers route. It's half-hipster and half, well, gay.)
 
Now a moment to ponder my social outings…
 
Have my 30s forced me to trade in binge drinking and all night ragers for civilized dinners and double dates with other couples?
 
The answer is yes.
 
But, have I lost my edge, my keen awareness of youth, fashion and pop culture?
 
That answer is no.
 
I say, embrace! Yup, you heard me EMBRACE!
 
There is nothing wrong with indulging in the pleasures of being “older”—and because yes, you are wiser.
 
You have learned that although binge drinking, hookups and $100 bar tabs were once fun, you now would like a bigger return on your investment.
 
It took me a while to realize that two Sunday Fundays at The Abbey are equal to a brand-new pair of shoes from Barney’s! JESUS PEARL—I have been drinking my shoes! This is wisdom!

So listen, after many years of teen angst and more years of twentysomething life-pondering, I say lay back, relax! Keep the sweats on and enjoy the Saturdays with sleep and reverence! Who cares that you don’t go out every weekend. It’s time to celebrate the better part of what is happening in your life.

Love.

So as you stroll out this weekend to get your morning cup of Starbucks and you pass an obvious “Walk of Shame” Read more...

Over the course of my life, I have had the absolute privilege of meeting some very amazing and educated people. Whether they have been entertainers, writers, doctors or business owners, each one of them have brought a certain amount of awe to our conversation that I could never explain. It’s as if I am a starry-eyed 4-year-old meeting Mickey Mouse for the first time.

I love hearing them tell me about where they went to school, why they started their profession and the defining moments of their life that made them who they are. It’s exciting to think that at some point in life, somebody went to school with the next president, Olympian or CEO of a company.

It’s at that very moment when I think I have nothing in common with “Mr. or Mrs. Career” that we begin a conversation about relationships.

They would say things like “Relationships are hard for me” or “I met this guy who was married and I thought he was gonna leave his boyfriend,” and my personal favorite: “I was dating this great guy, but I broke it up because I couldn’t commit.”

And that’s when the playing field begins to level out a bit.

It’s that awkward moment when you realize a “record scratch” sound effect does have its place in real life.

With all their education…why do most people tend to be smart in the head but not smart in the heart?

I will be the first to acknowledge that book smarts does not mean life smart, nor does it amount to anything next to experience. But, I really need everyone to start making some educated decisions when it comes to matters of the heart.

I have long been accused as being man of “Yes or No Decision Making.” It’s a trait that I wholeheartedly give credit to my Virgo personality and many nights of watching Donald Trump on The Apprentice. (The only time I shall reference The Don.)

Honestly though people, it is as simple as “Yes or No."

Should one get into a relationship with someone still in a relationship? No.

Do I call someone back if I like them? Yes.

Should I go on dates if I’m not ready to settle down? No.

Is there such thing as love? Yes. Yes. Yes.

And please, spare me the “it’s complicated” angle—it bores me.

Every single one of us deserves a relationship that is beautiful, fulfilling and reciprocal. It is beyond comprehension that people can accept a bad person into their life (friendship or personal) or stay in one after the disclosure of a toxic personality.

We often tend to sell ourselves short on the type of person that we can have in our lives because of insecurities. It’s those insecurities that we must face head on in order to foster better relationships and better love. It always starts from within you!

So if your list of ex-lovers is looking more like a list of Street Fighter Characters than potential husbands, it’s time for a “Come To Jesus Moment” with yourself.

Let’s mix ourselves a refreshing Cupid Cocktail in order to get the right man! Here is how you do it:

Cupid's Cocktail
• 1 Bucket of Ice Read more...

Once upon a time, dating in the gay world used to be pretty cut and dry. You find a guy, he likes you, you like him and BAM—you're moving into his apartment and picking out furniture at IKEA.
 
Well, since then things have changed a bit in our little bubble. We aren’t just gay anymore. We are bi, transgender, drag queens, parents, divorced and a slew of a hundred other things that I never could have imagined. It’s starting to sound more like the straight world, doesn’t it?

When was the last time, that as a gay man you had to worry about meeting a guy and liking him—only later to find out that he had kids! Gone are the good old days of worrying about vegetarians and drugs usage. This is the new age of gay rights, equality and forward movement. This is the new diversity in the old world of dating.
 
The other day a friend of mine made fun of me because I didn’t know what the word “Kai Kai” meant. Apparently I need a night to catch up on RuPaul’s Drag Race because aforementioned word was discussed there. (The term “Kai Kai” is a slang word used when describing how two drag queens hook-up or mess around.)
 
It was at that moment that I said to myself, You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy!
 
In this modern world of dating, we now have a checklist that consists of things to look for as well as avoid. We must take extra caution as we head into any hook-up scenario, as the stakes are higher. Could that ring on his finger be more than fashionable jewelry?
 
Think of it friends, you could (really) be a homewrecker!
 
Straight friends of mine always talk about how being gay is “THE LIFE!” Gay men go out, have lots of sex, have great paying jobs, spend all their money on themselves and never have to worry about the pressures of getting married or having kids.
 
I would always be slightly put off by this conversation. I knew that deep inside of me the gay culture was truly more than that. I, too, relished the day that I would be able to marry, settle down and adopt a few Malawian kids.
 
I argued that I didn’t live a “lifestyle” but I lived a life less certain of significant freedoms and rights, and I was simply trying to do my best to get by.
 
The conversation always became a seesaw of who lived a better life. It was always a rally of sex, kids, guy time, marriage and more sex! Why is it that, when talking to most men, living a perfect life is associated with having the most sex?
 
As awesome as those conversations used to be, I have the unfortunate duty of announcing that gay dating is no longer just fun and games.
 
Ladies and gentlemen—this is your wakeup call.
 
As we get closer and closer to nationwide marriage equality, we will begin to settle into what our straight counterparts refer to as “The Pressure."
 
In the past, gay dating used to be a never-ending honeymoon stage. Because we could not marry, there was never an expectation to make things official. But now, with gay men getting married all around us, one can only assume that your next boyfriend will be wanting you to “put a ring on it” and make him a husband!
 
That being said, must a gay man immediately schedule a lunch with his fag hag or do we grab a beer with our straight buddy? How do we know which side to take? Should we assume that after a few years of dating that we are headed down the aisle? Or do we take the advice of “The Guys” and run for the hills if a dude mentions kids and marriage?
 
With this new frontier ahead of us, one might say it's time to blaze a new trail—creating new archetypes, new role models for younger generations and fulfilling the dream of gay men and Read more...

There was a time in my life where I was going out almost every night—it felt like at least six days a week. I was a grown man partying like I was a 19-year-old with a really good fake ID and an alcohol dependency. Life was good.
 
At my side were my two best friends and a gaggle of gorgeous women. We were a scene, a force and for all intents and purposes—fabulous! The only thing that we ever regretted were the photos we took on our camera phones. Those were often entertaining though. Who wouldn’t laugh at us at stacking jelly containers on a friend’s head that passed out at a diner? It was like a game of drunk Jenga!
 
Flash forward to today. I barely speak to any of my friends and it usually takes a divine intervention by God to make an outing that every single one of us can attend, you know—like “the good old days.”
 
I often wonder…what happened?
 
Thruugh the week I’ll see posts of my former besties out in the hood having fun drinking, taking pictures, tweeting, checking in on Facebook…you know, like the old times.
 
Did I do something to break our sacred bond?
 
Startled, concerned and now paranoid, I frantically attempted to reconnect every chance I had. After a few phone calls, text messages and a lunch later, it became obvious to me what the issue was.

I was in a relationship.
 
“You have your man now,” they would declare. “You’re doing your thing—we get it”.

My thing? Get what?

Let me make one thing very clear. I am not one of those people who drops off the face of the planet just because I met someone. As a matter of fact, I do everything I can to include everyone (boyfriend and friends) in all social outings.
 
So when all your efforts fail to rekindle the friendships of the “Old Single Self," I have to ask:

Are relationships and friends like oil and vinegar, forced to be together, but never truly mixing?
 
The transition from a Sexy Single to a Happily Coupled person is a very tricky maneuver, of which very few have mastered. Among the successful include Kate Middleton and Prince William, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and of course Beyonce and her wind machine.
 
(I had to.)
 
All I know is that there will come a point in your new “Happily Coupled” persona that you will have to take inventory of what friends have stuck around and transitioned into the new you, plus one.
 
If they are still by your side, congratulations, you have succeeded. You may not be doing tequila shots off of random strangers, and walks of shame every weekend, but you are still a party monster.
 
If they are not, then you must accept their decision and move on. The wolf pack has left you behind. This is not a sad thing—it's just a thing that happens and is sad.
 
Often times, single friends do not relate to who you are in a relationship. They find comfort in other single friendships because they too are “out on the prowl,” or maybe feel uncomfortable around you and the new BF.
 
Allow me to be distracted with a side note and some words of advice for both parties.

1. Advice for the newly coupled
Your friends are your friends. Never forget that. If you happen to be lucky enough to score a great relationship, DON’T FUCK UP YOUR FRIENDSHIPS! Nobody likes an overobsessed-making-PDA-reeling-talk-about-my-BF-all-day-long kinda person. You deserve to lose friends if this is you. Also, don’t expect the gang to be there for you if your relationships fails and you need to go running for a shoulder to cry on. Remember, ”Bros before Hoes!”
 
On the flip side, you also must do your diligenc Read more...

When I was 15, I had just lost my virginity to my high school girlfriend, I had three pairs of Air Jordans and I was trying to decide who was cooler—Debbie Gibson or Tiffany.
 
Life, on all accounts, was pretty normal.
 
That is, except for the fact that I was struggling with my sexual identity, had parents that were in the middle of a nasty divorce and I was an oldest child of five burdened with keeping the family maintained.
 
My mother was a former beauty queen-turned-full-time banker and my father a New England scholar who joined the military and went to the gym more than he went to his children’s school plays.
 
My siblings and I would always find the most entertaining ways to keep each other company. We often liked to make music videos of ourselves singing Paula Abdul songs and pretending that our dining room was a restaurant and I was a waiter. I would waste so much food creating “Specials of the Day” to add to my menu.
 
Looking back on all those snapshots in my early childhood, I never once thought that one day I would be so inspired by love.
 
One could say that I have spent my lifetime searching for something or someone to fill that parental void. One could also argue that my lack of childhood affection from my parents has me searching to give a love that I have never received. Hoping that one day, I may feel that love in return.
 
I’m sure there is some psychological term for all of those things. I just call it life baggage.
 
I may never know the real answers, but it’s the quest to understand where the issues come from and how to address them that is the road less traveled.
 
Love is a journey of self-discovery. Understanding your past is always key to understanding yourself and your future. Sure, you have been hurt before, and sure, you have dated people that were less than stellar, but does that mean you should give up?
 
No.
 
Though I am someone who didn’t come from a perfect upbringing or the most stellar nuclear foundation, I never used that as an excuse to give up. I turned every lemon into a tall pitcher of lemonade!
 
There are a million different options and variations of people, places and things in life. Just because a part of your life is challenged, that doesn’t mean that the rest of it will be doomed! It’s like saying all jeans fit the same way or that all colors of red are the same hue.
 
Pick yourself back up and try again. But take a moment to understand why you got there—that is the only way to learn!
 
I am often asked how I can stay so positive in life and how I can keep pushing forward, even after disappointment.
 
My answer is simple. I have a personal mantra.
 
“Life is a beautiful and amazing gift. I simply live each day with the understanding that with or without someone loving me, I have the obligation to live every minute in this life to its fullest potential. No matter who lets me down, who fails me or how hard things may get, I must live this life with no regrets.”
 
I encourage you to write that on a piece of paper. Keep it in your book, your wallet or on the fridge. Help it remind you that all things in life are possible, including love. Don’t ever give up.
 
Take a moment to understand your life, where you come from and what challenged you. In this understanding of your journey will come a bright light to your path ahead. It will help you navigate a course to pursuing inner happiness, the right partner for you and the right life—according to what you need—and not what people expect from you.
 
So keep trying on those jeans, until a pair fits—and keep deciding on what shade of red works best for you. Maybe a Read more...

Well friends, welcome back—there is much to catch you up on.

I want to start by issuing a formal apology (which could very well be my second one this year) for being a bit behind on my blogging, my advice and my adventures. You see, I’ve been a bit busy "practicing what I preach" so to speak.

I’ll spare you all the sugary-coated details (for now) and get right to the point.

I have been dating an extremely wonderful guy for the last six months and we have taken a major step in our relationship and have officially moved in together.

(Insert general crowd cheer here)

Are you still with me? Good. I’m just getting started.

It was a little over six months ago that he and I met. I have to say it has been an absolute pleasure to get to know him, hang out with him, and yes, wake up next to him.

It’s always nerve-racking when I, David Cruz III, Mr. Cupid himself, heads to the trenches to date. I often feel that my affinity for love screams out something like: “IM A CRAZY CAT LADY” or “I WANT KIDS AND MARRIAGE BEFORE MY GAY UTERUS SHRIVELS UP ”

That’s how I feel at least.

Maybe the first date with me isn’t really that big of a deal—but I do have a journalistic responsibility to you (my readers) to be an inspiration and a leader on the right thing to do. And yes, before you say it, moving in after six months is a little trigger happy of me—but I know that I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t feel 100 percent right about it.

Moving on.

You know that thing they say about how you know when its right… I know that feeling now. But for the record it wasn’t without its own challenging journey.

I am someone whose relationship life has been sprinkled with highs and lows. I share every one of these moments with all my readers, in hopes that I can put some perspective on this crazy world of love and dating.

So for those who follow—it’s been a long time coming, this moment. This so called “feeling” and it feels amazing.

Both cautious and strategic we moved forward into dating. At first just casual, then systematic and then it was sleepover city!

Naturally as time progressed and weeks turned into months, I started to ask myself the paranoid questions like:

Will this pass the two-week test? Will he lose interest? I wonder if he’s serious? Does he have online accounts that I should know about? Are we exclusive?

My brain started to swell with insecurities and paranoia! It was the most annoying thing on Earth! Why do we get this way? What makes a completely sane and secure person fall apart when they meet someone? When will we ever stop thinking that we are not worthy of the universe giving us something we deserve?

When I was a young journalist I was taught about the “Five W’s (Who, What, Where, When, Why)—They were the most important questions that one must ask in order to “get the complete story.” If you failed to ask all of those questions your story would be incomplete and you ultimately, as a student, would fail the class.

So, as I sat in paranoia, deep in newfound insecurities, I wondered—Was it the five W’s that once gave me passing scores in college that now curse my dating life?

I couldn’t (not) ask these questions. After all it’s only the obvious and responsible thing to do.

But what about my other friends who were not journalists? Why did the social worker, the architect and the businessman all ask the same questions and have the same insecurities?

Deep inside were we all really Pulitzer Prize-winning journalists?

Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. The answer was simple and also part of my studies as a young j Read more...

Well, my friends, you survived yet another Valentine's Day.   Read more...

What a fantastic month January is turning out to be for love.   Read more...

Like many others, you have probably spent the last few days thinking about what you are going to do differently this year. You and I are among the many millions of people that look back at the last year and scrutinize every detail of what we need to change. We make resolutions to be better people, to be more physically inclined and yes—to be better in the world of love. Read more...

Remember that time on Sex and The City when Carrie couldn’t leave “the Russians” house and subsequently missed lunch with her gals and was behind in all her work?   Read more...

Last week I had the pleasure of being invited to a gay single night out called “L.A. Guy Gokon." By Japanese definition, a Gokon is a casual singles matchup party, usually reserved for straight people. The L.A. Guy Gokan is for gay guys.   Read more...

When I first moved to LA, I was told that people here suffer from what can only be described as “the inability to settle.” This mental and physical challenge is probably the root cause of why many relationships end and not their bustling careers as otherwise noted in most medical studies.   Read more...

Yesterday I had the amazing pleasure to attend the wedding of one of my oldest and dearest friends. Armed with the excitement and curiosity of a 10-year-old boy at Space Camp, I headed to Laguna Beach for a classic wedding at sunset.   Read more...